To Reply or Not to Reply, That Is the Question

Dear 100footer:

Am I obligated to respond to a stranger I’ve never met if he pays me a compliment on Grindr?

My experience is that even if I say thank you and be nice about it it opens up a conversation with somebody I don't want to be talking to. Sometimes I get really testy responses like “thank you? that's it!?”

 While I would never ignore an unattractive stranger's compliment if I were in a bar it seems to me that there's a big difference online. In a bar I'm face to face with a human being who went out of their way to be nice. I feel I would be absolutely morally and ethically obligated to respond. But does that obligation exist online?

ANSWER:

I'm going to answer your question through three frameworks that contemporary ethicists use:

Consequentialism:

Consequentialism is an ethical theory that focuses on the outcomes or consequences of our actions. In this case, you might consider whether responding to a compliment on Grindr leads to positive or negative consequences.

If responding to the compliment opens up a conversation you're not interested in having and potentially leads to negative reactions from the other person, consequentialism might suggest that you are not obligated to respond. The negative consequences of the interaction outweigh the positive effects of saying thank you.

Answer from Consequentialism: You are not obligated to respond to a compliment on Grindr if it could lead to unwanted conversations or negative reactions.

Deontology:

Deontology is an ethical theory that focuses on following rules and principles rather than looking at the consequences. From this perspective, you might consider if there's a moral rule or duty to respond to compliments, regardless of the situation.

Based on the idea of treating others with respect, deontology could argue that you should respond to the compliment, even if it's online. However, it's important to set boundaries and politely let the person know that you're not interested in continuing the conversation if that's the case.

Answer from Deontology: You are obligated to respond to a compliment on Grindr, but you can set boundaries to avoid unwanted conversations.

Virtue Ethics:

Virtue ethics focuses on building good character traits and acting in ways that reflect these virtues. In this situation, you might think about virtues like kindness, respect, and honesty.

From a virtue ethics perspective, responding to a compliment with gratitude might be seen as a kind and respectful action. However, if you don't want to engage in further conversation, being honest about your feelings is also important.

Answer from Virtue Ethics: You should respond to a compliment on Grindr by showing gratitude while being honest about your feelings and intentions.

While ethical theories may offer different answers, it's important to consider your own values and the context of the situation. Balancing gratitude, honesty, and respect can help you navigate online interactions and determine how to respond to compliments on Grindr.