GET A BETTER LOVE LIFE
How To Find Gay Guys Worthy of Being Your Boyfriend
How To Find A Gay Partner
Follow Our Trail To Your Next Boyfriend
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When you think of 'finding' a gay boyfriend, your mind might immediately dart to places – bars, bookstores, coffee shops. But let's be real: this isn't a treasure hunt where X marks the spot. Instead, it's about mastering the art of the meet-cute. Because, what good is being in the right place at the right time if you clam up faster than an oyster at high tide?
Picture this: You're at a trendy café, and there he is, Mr. Potential. Your heart races, but your brain fumbles. You're about to learn that finding a boyfriend is less about where and more about how.
We know that when you google "how to find gay guys" or "how do I find a gay partner" what you're really asking is a cascade of questions that have nothing to do with physical locations. Like, how do I start a conversation with a (hot) stranger without making a fool of myself? How can I get the confidence to approach somebody I like? How do I get guys that I am interested in to approach me? What's the best app to find gay guys who want a serious relationship?
Yeah, no. When you think, "where can i find a gay man" it isn't a place you're looking for, it's a mind-set, a set of skills, a way of being that WHEREVER you find yourself, helps you connect to potential mates.
That's why this guide isn't about how to find a gay lover--it's about knowing what to do when you come face to face with somebody who could turn out to be that lover. That's why we've separated this guide into 3 different sections:
1. How To Find Gay Men IRL
(Bars, Parties, Coffee Shops Events, etc.)
How do you kick off a conversation with someone you're crushing on? Are you clued in on how your body language might be sending the wrong signals? Ever thought about what it takes to leave a lasting first impression? Want to know the secret to getting guys to chase you? Curious about how to meet a new, attractive gay guy every week? We're going to show you how to do all of it in this, our
How To Find A Gay Boyfriend IRL guide.
2. How To Find A Gay Partner Online
(Apps, Websites and Chat Rooms)
Ready to pick the perfect gay dating app? Wondering which ones top the charts in downloads and user ratings? How about crafting a smoking hot dating profile that turns heads? Do you know what the perfect first text should say?
Ever heard of the Rule of 9's for posting jaw-dropping photos? What's in a username? Apparently, a lot when it comes to attracting Mr. Right. Need tips on creating irresistible headlines? Let's decode the hidden messages in his profile. Try our guide to dating on the gay apps.
Nervous about hitting on guys you like, or unsure how to respond to the ones you do (or don't) fancy? And let's not forget the modern dating woes: ghosting, orbiting, and guys who just won't commit to a meet-up. How do other gay guys meet their boyfriends online when you can't even get them to meet you for coffee! Click here to find out how you can find boyfriends with our gay app dating advice.
3. How To Get A Gay Boyfriend Through Mind-Set Changes
Ever felt like you're trapped in a cycle of dating despair? You're not alone. Let's face it, the quest for a gay boyfriend can sometimes feel like a relentless uphill battle. You've tried everything, yet here you are, still single and increasingly cynical. It's easy to get caught in a whirlpool of hopelessness, convincing yourself that you're too old, too young, too fat, or too skinny for love.
Sometimes you muster the strength to google "how to find a gay husband" but these mental barriers are too much and you give in too soon. From self-doubt to dating anxieties, these are often the invisible chains holding you back.
This section of How To Find My Gay Partner is about breaking free from that negativity. We're diving deep into the murky waters of dating related anxieties and cynicism. It's time to shed those layers of despair and open your eyes to the endless possibilities of love and companionship. Let's reframe your mindset and set you on a path to not just finding a boyfriend, but finding joy in the journey.
How To Find A Gay Boyfriend IRL
(Bars, Parties, Coffee Shops Events, etc.)
Picture this: you're on the prowl, hunting for Mr. Drop-Dead Gorgeous at your local gay bar. There he is, the kind of guy who makes you consider selling your grandma's vintage brooch collection for just one date. He's a walking dream, a vision of beauty that scrambles your brain into mush.
But wait, he glanced your way! Or did he? Now your brain is like a monkey on a caffeine high, making you sweat the big stuff: "Should I talk to him? What if he walks away mid-sentence like the last guy?"
You stand there, trying to telepathically convey your interest. Spoiler alert: it's not working. You're basically a statue with a drink, trapped in your own head, fantasizing about disastrous pick-up lines.
Fast forward three martinis later (because courage in a glass, right?), you finally shuffle over. And what comes out? The groundbreaking, "Hi, I'm [insert name]. What's yours?" Wow, ground-breaking. Now you're steering this Titanic of a conversation straight into the iceberg of boredom with classics like, "Having a nice time?" and "What's a guy like you doing in a place like this?" Seriously, could you be any more cliché?
He's fiddling with his pockets, probably searching for an escape gadget. Your mind's a blur, and the next thing you know, he's saying, "Nice meeting you," in that tone that screams, "I'd rather be watching paint dry."
As he walks away, you're left there, wishing you'd just stayed home and swiped left and right on your phone. Ah, the joys of gay dating – where your mouth can't seem to catch up with your mind, and your heart's left wondering, "Why do I even bother?"
It Happens In Parties, Coffee Shops, Sports Leagues & Social Events Too
You're at a swanky party. Or maybe a cozy coffee shop. Could be cheering at a sports league or schmoozing at a social event. The stage is set, but the script? It's painfully familiar. There's always that one guy who catches your eye. He's like a magnet, and you're just a piece of iron shavings – drawn in, but utterly clueless about what to do next.
Here's the kicker: it doesn't matter where you are. Whether you're under the disco ball or pretending to understand the offside rule at a soccer game, the same old song and dance plays out. You see him, your heart does a little somersault, and then... nothing. Nada. Zilch. You're stuck in your tracks, wondering how on Earth you approach him.
If you don't have the confidence to stride up to a guy, if the very idea of sparking up a conversation with someone you find attractive gives you the jitters, then my friend, you're in a bit of a pickle. It's like having a dance floor and no dance moves. You could be surrounded by potential Mr. Rights, but without the guts to make the first move, you'll find yourself in the same lonely corner, nursing your drink and pondering the existential crisis of your love life.
In the grand theater of gay dating, it doesn't matter where the stage is set. If you can't muster the courage to walk up to him, if you're at a loss for words beyond "Hi," then brace yourself for a repeat performance of the "I wish I'd said something" monologue. So whether it's amidst the aroma of coffee, the sound of a referee's whistle, or under the neon lights of a bar, remember: the scene may change, but the story stays the same, until you change the script.
Which we're about to do. First, you need to...
Conquer Your Fear of Rejection
Let’s say you spot a hottie.
You’re likely to get paralyzed with “approach anxiety” and can’t get yourself to go over to another guy you’re interested in and start a conversation. And even if Mr. Right (or Mr. Right Now) starts one, you get tongue-tied, quiet, and introspective. He takes that as a sign of disinterest and moves on.
Fear of rejection lowers your confidence which lowers your competence. Stuck in a low-confidence, low-competence trap, it’s hard to muster up the courage to start a convo with a hottie. Then you end up using a cheesy pick-up line which brings on the rejection you feared.
Your conversations become an interview with boring questions like—“How are you? What’s your name? Where do you work?” These are instant rapport crushers that make conversations awkward and veer you straight to the dreaded Friend Zone.
In this section of How To Find Gay Guys To Date, we’ll look at how your fears get triggered by a fundamental error in the way you perceive attractive guys. Change the perception; banish the fear. Then, we’ll introduce you to a profound new way of looking at guys you’re interested in. It will stop you in your tracks. And then we’ll be able to take apart the Three Big Gay Lies that keep you from taking a chance.
Once you've redefined the awful meaning you've put on "rejection," once you've made a substantial shift in your thinking, you'll be ready for the next step: Growing confidence. Because without it there's no point in asking what everybody asks on a Saturday night: "How do I find my gay partner?"
So let's get started. Click on these links and banish your fear of rejection.
Turn Your Fear of Rejection Into Jet Fuel For Meeting Guys
The 3 Fears That Stop You From Approaching Guys & How To Deal With Them
How To Smash The Lies That Keep Your Fear of Rejection Alive
How To Grow Rock Star Confidence
What if you developed rock star confidence? You would be able to walk into a room and get noticed right away.
You wouldn’t be afraid of rejection. You’d be able to start conversations with anyone anywhere at any time.
And those conversations would capture the imagination, stir curiosity and set the stage for a real connection.
You wouldn’t need to meet singles online. You wouldn’t need to pay for popular dating sites. You’d be able to meet single men, start conversations them–even if they didn’t look interested –and charm them into wanting you.
You’d know how to disarm guys who think you may be hitting on them so they’ll relax enough to have a conversation (and give you a chance to see you as a potential partner).
You’d know how to prevent ‘conversation stalling” and awkward silences. You’d be able to meet someone whenever you wanted. That's exactly what's going to happen to you after you read our series on "How Do I Meet Gay Men--Through Rock Star Confidence!
Let's get started:
How To Grow Rock Star Confidence Part 1
Meet At Least One New Attractive Gay Guy Every Week
Here’s how we're going get you to meet new gay guys every week. We're going to get rid of your fear of rejection. We're going to give you rock-star confidence you can use where gay men meet- bars, parties, gyms, etc.. We're going to tell you what to say so you’ll never be at a loss for words when you’re standing next to a beautiful guy.
Let’s face it, you’re in a low-confidence, low-competence trap. Not knowing what to say or do lowers your confidence and the lack of confidence stops you from trying.
But what if you did know how to approach the guys you’re interested in? What if you knew what to say? And what to do? You’d be able to date the kind of guys you always wanted.
We want to show you how to conquer your fear of rejection and learn powerful conversational techniques that make you irresistible to attractive guys (whether they share your sexual orientation or not!).
These series of upcoming blog posts on gay dating advice will help you acquire a completely different mindset and give you a powerful set of conversational skills that will predispose guys to like you.
How To Approach Guys You Want To Meet
20 Rejection-Proof Conversation Openers
How To Start A Conversation With A Hottie
This is the section where you'll learn how to meet other gay guys with unforgettable conversation starters. In the vibrant cosmos of gay dating apps, starting a chat with a stunner can be as nerve-wracking as a high-wire act – but fear not! We're here to arm you with an arsenal of witty, engaging, and downright irresistible conversation openers.
The first thing you'll learn is the ability to “assume rapport” --- one of the most useful social skills you can have. It will literally open doors for you in your dating, business and personal relationships.
Rapport is an emotional bond based on a shared understanding. The best way to get it is to pretend you’ve got it. Don’t seek it; assume it. Rapport seekers fish for a connection by asking yawners like “What’s New?” “What do you do?” and “Where are you from?” If you’ve ever been on the receiving end of those questions from a guy you don’t know--and aren’t sure you want to—it feels as if somebody’s checking your pockets to see if you’ve got change for a dollar.
It’s way too invasive. Don’t do it. Act as if you know him. Talk to him like you used to ditch class together.
People who have genuine rapport don’t talk in meaningless questions. They talk in statement form or in meaningful questions. Let’s say you’re at a grocery store and you spy a hottie:
Asking for rapport: [directly approaching him] “Hi. I’m Mike. What’s your name?”
Assuming rapport: [holding the bottle and asking indirectly] “What’s up with 1% milk? Is it really any better than 2%?”
Do you see the difference? Asking for rapport creates a try-hard energy. Assuming rapport creates camaraderie. This is how you meet gay singles. By the way, they'll be lots of texting once you meet, so be sure to check our gay texting guide.
HOW TO MEET GAY GUYS:
What To Say When You First Meet a Hottie
The #1 Rule To Approaching a Hottie
What Never To Do In A Conversation Opener
How To Start A Conversation With A Guy You're Interested In
How To Avoid Conversational Dead-Ends On a Gay Date
Ignore His Emotional Boundaries At Your Peril
Make Yourself More Appealing
How to get a gay hookup or a date? In this section you'll find the most powerful approaches to getting gay men interested in you--for whatever your needs. They’re GUARANTEED to make them look at you and think, “Tonight just got more interesting.” They’re fun to do, they put a smile on his face and best of all, they’ve been field tested in gay bars, parties and social events.
"Why Am I Still Single?" Our Editor Tells All
Savage Responses To Being Asked "Why Are You Still Single?"
Is "The Principle of Least Interest" Ruining Your Love Life?
How To Use Body Language To Get Your Man
(Gay Dating Tips--Fun Edition)
If you’re skeptical about how your body language affects your love life, play a game with me. Straighten your arm as if you were doing a “Heil Hitler” salute. What’s the feeling? Dominant, aggressive, hateful, right?
It isn’t your arm that’s creating those feelings, by the way. It’s your palm. Watch. Keep your arm in
the air, but now turn the palm up. What’s the feeling now? Open, inviting, fun.
Turn the palm down and you feel like Hitler. Turn it up and you feel like Evita! Now, if a simple palm
movement has that kind of emotional impact on you, imagine the effect it has on other people.
Now, I know you don’t go around saluting like an SS guard, but you’re going to be surprised at how
every day palm gestures can have nearly the same negative effects.
How To Meet Quality Gay Guys
Body language can make the difference between going home with Shagability in your arms or your
tail between your legs. If you’ve ever wondered why your approaches often end in humiliating
disasters or why, on the other hand, nobody ever seems to hit on you, look in the mirror. Your
body language is all wrong.
Most likely, your internal ‘transmission towers’ and ‘receiving stations’ that send and receive sexual
signals need some work. If you don’t understand what signals you’re sending out or how to
interpret the ones you get, your love life is going to be comprised of taking out your wallet and
showing people pictures of your hand.
In this section of our LGBT dating tips we're going to tinker with that transmission tower, rebuild your receiving station and hire a new dispatcher. You’re about to find out how to use body language to meet and attract that hottie across the room.
Or better yet, make him come to you.
How To Use Body Language To Make Yourself More Approachable
Use Your Body To Catch His Eye
Body Language That'll Wreck Your Chances at Love
Get Guys To Pursue YOU
You can do this even if you’re not tall, rich or handsome. By using the concept of “Demonstrating Value,” you can literally get the hottest guy in the room to pursue YOU. All you have to do is understand a few fundamentals about human nature and apply them. It’s fun, easy to learn, and it WORKS. Stay tuned to this section of "How To Meet Single Gay Guys" as we keep adding more tips.
Ask Him Questions That Will Make Him Seek You Out
How To Make Yourself More Approachable
Is It Playing Games To Pretend You're Not That Interested?
How To Text Somebody Who's Ambivalent About You
SMS SOS: Rescuing Your Texts from the Bermuda Triangle of Ambivalence
Learn The Art of Gay Flirting
Welcome to the jungle of gay flirting, where we're not just peacocks strutting our stuff but scientists of seduction. In this safari of winks, smirks, and subtle touches, we break down the art of signaling 'Hey, you're cute' without resorting to the animal kingdom's less subtle mating dances.
Sometimes flirting is just about making someone's day, boosting your own ego (because let's face it, we all need a win sometimes), or just having a good time without any strings attached. Flirting is the spice of life – it's about shared curiosity, excitement, and that electric charge when someone responds to your sexual signals.
How To Meet Single Gay Men
We'll guide you through the labyrinth of 'does he like me or is he just being nice?' with a blend of humor, real talk, and tips that are as practical as they are entertaining. By the end, you'll be a maestro of the flirtatious glance, the cheeky comment, and maybe even that gentle touch that says, 'Let's see where this goes' – all in the name of science, of course.
An Introvert's Guide to Flirting
Are You Subconsciously Sending "Anti-Flirt" Signals?
How To Meet Gay Guys Offline? Build Attraction
Spice up your approach our surefire, slightly cheeky techniques. They're practically a magic spell for making him glance your way and think, "I think I'm really attracted to this guy!" These methods are not just effective; they're a total hoot to execute. The best part? These tactics have been tried and tested in the ultimate laboratories of love and flirtation: gay bars, lively parties, and buzzing social events.
The Most Important Quality of Building Attraction
What To Say On Your First Phone Call With Your Crush
Ring-a-Ding-Ding: Slaying Your First Gay Date Call
How Your Body Language Can Increase His Attraction
Creative Ways of Getting His Phone Number
Create Sexual Tension
Strategic touching builds comfort and creates desire. Start out with indirect touching and escalate slowly with these time-tested tactics. Find out how to position yourself for no-threat touches, where to touch and how to use the “Prize Theory” to get him to touch YOU.
How To Get A Gay Boyfriend Through Mind-Set Changes
Ever found yourself spiraling down the rabbit hole of dating doom? Well, you've got company. The gay dating scene often feels like a never-ending quest from hell. All the efforts, yet here you are, single and sliding into a pit of cynicism. Too old? Too young? Too this, too that for love? Sounds familiar, doesn’t it?
Google Isn't Your Gay Cupid
That moment when “how to find a gay husband” pops up in your search history more than you'd like to admit. But let's be real, it's those inner gremlins of doubt and dating dread that keep you from sticking it out.
The Great Escape from Dating Despondency
Enter the sanctum of our guide, “How To Find My Gay Partner” – your escape route from the quagmire of dating despondence. We're not just diving in; we're going deep into the abyss of dating anxieties and cynicism.
It's time to peel off those layers of despair. Why? Because the realm of love and companionship is vast, and you're about to see it with fresh eyes. Get ready to shift gears, reframe your mindset, and embark on a journey that’s not just about snagging a boyfriend, but reveling in the ride! Take a look:
How To Deal With Your Own Cynicism About Dating
Getting More Confidence
"Why Am I Still Single?" Our Editor Tells All
Savage Responses To Being Asked "Why Are You Still Single?"
Is "The Principle of Least Interest" Ruining Your Love Life?
Gay Dating Resources
Books
MEET
Have more sex, get more dates, or find a husband with this step-by-
step manual that shows you how to approach, meet and attract
beautiful gay men.
From getting rid of fear of rejection to knowing exactly how to start a conversation, this is the ultimate
gay dating blueprint.
On Amazon
ATTRACT
The only body language guide for gay men. It’s packed with inventive strategies proven to make you more appealing and approachable.
Learn which gestures, postures and expressions attract gay men–all based on peer reviewed studies done by leading psychologists in non-verbal communication.
On Amazon
TEXT
Capture his imagination, stir his curiosity and build attraction with a blend of clever, thoughtful texts.
Get solutions to common problems like what you should say on first texts, how long to wait to respond, dealing with indecisive guys and turning ambivalence into passion.
On Amazon
ARTICLES
BUZZFEED: 5 LGBTQ+ Relationship Experts Share Their Best Dating Advice
This article features insights from six prominent LGBTQ+ relationship experts, including tips on navigating the dating scene, building healthy connections, and setting boundaries. While not exclusively focused on gay men, it offers valuable advice applicable to their specific experiences.
Medium: Red Flags To Watch Out For When You’re Dating Gay Men
Learn red flags to watch out for when gay dating including secretiveness, controlling behavior, different values, dismissiveness, anger issues, and possessiveness.
REDDIT: The Ultimate Guide to Gay Dating
This comprehensive guide delves into the contemporary landscape of gay dating, covering everything from navigating online platforms to crafting compelling profiles and handling first dates.
Gay Life After 40: 5 Tips for Gay Dating in Your 40s
This article offers practical advice for gay men over 40 seeking meaningful connections, addressing concerns like ageism, shifting priorities, and utilizing online platforms effectively.
Little Gay Book: 7 Conversation Starters for Your Next Gay Date
Synopsis: This article provides a handy list of conversation starters specifically tailored for gay men on first dates. It aims to break the ice, encourage genuine communication, and spark interesting discussions.
San Diego News:
7 Ways to Make the Most of Your Gay Dating Profile
This article provides practical tips for crafting a compelling online dating profile that attracts the right kind of attention. It covers aspects like profile pictures, bio writing, and showcasing your interests.
Salon: HOW TO MEET GAY GUYS WITHOUT GRINDR
Offers advice on meeting gay men in various settings that resonate with your values, including community events, parades, and volunteering opportunities, emphasizing the importance of building a supportive network.
Huffpost: GAY DATING ADVICE – 15 PRO TIPS
Focuses on the importance of emotional transparency and self-reliance in dating, explaining how owning your emotions and being independent are crucial for a healthy and balanced relationship.
Gino: Gay Relationship Advice: Tips and Strategies for Healthy Gay Couples
The article provides relationship advice for healthy gay couples from Gino Cosme, an experienced gay therapist. He emphasizes building a strong foundation based on trust, respect, commitment, communication, and compromise. Other tips include embracing self-awareness, overcoming internalized homophobia, actively listening, scheduling quality time, supporting each other's goals, maintaining intimacy, embracing uniqueness, nurturing supportive relationships, and prioritizing sexual health.
PODCASTS
A weekly podcast hosted by Dan Savage, an author, sex-advice columnist, and LGBTQ+ rights activist. The show is an extension of his popular "Savage Love" advice column. In the podcast, Savage offers candid and often humorous advice on sex, relationships, and dating.
Offers candid discussions about gay culture, dating, and relationships, with a focus on personal growth and community issues.
Gay Therapy LA with Ken Howard, LCSW
Ken Howard, a gay therapist, shares his insights on gay men's mental health, dating, and relationships.
This podcast, brought by the Gay Men’s Brotherhood, focuses on personal development, sexuality, and mental health, with a specific emphasis on gay men's experiences in dating and relationships
ADVICE COLUMNISTS
Ask Daddy is a long-running advice column for LGBTQ readers with questions relating to sexuality, morality, coming out, navigating relationships, and more. The column is known for its witty and humorous approach, while still offering insightful and relatable advice.
¡Hola Papi! is an online advice column by John Paul Brammer, offering queer-specific advice to readers around the world. Papi tackles personal questions about love, relationships, sex, identity, and more, with a focus on humor, empathy, and inclusivity.
Savage Love is a syndicated sex advice column by Dan Savage, running for over 30 years. Savage provides frank and often humorous advice on sex, relationships, and more, with a focus on harm reduction and inclusivity. He also hosts a popular podcast called "Savage Lovecast."