Ring-a-Ding-Ding: Slaying Your First Gay Date Call

In the wild world of gay dating, that first phone call can be as nerve-wracking as a Real Housewives reunion. But fear not! This article is your secret weapon, transforming you from a mumbling mess into the Casanova of call-making.

Since this is a continuation of our last post, What To Say On Your First Phone Call With Your Crush, you might want to take a look at it. Here's the summary: It's all about the prep. Like a drag queen before a big show, know your lines, darling. Start with something cheeky from your last encounter. "Remember that necklace you wore, the one I could hula hoop through?" Bam! Instant mood-lightener.

Then, the article strutted into body language territory, which, yes, matters even when he can’t see you. Smile like you’ve just seen your ex's new boyfriend, and he's a downgrade. Keep those arms uncrossed, palms open, like you’re ready to catch a compliment or a cocktail.

But here's the juicy part: the conversation. Don't be a one-thread Ted. Boring! Be a multi-threading marvel. Jump topics like you’re dodging flying drinks at a bar fight. This keeps the convo as bubbly as a brunch mimosa. By the time you hang up, he should be more hooked than a Real Housewife to Botox. There, you’re now armed and fabulous for that first call. Go get 'em, tiger!

Okay, so let's pick up where the last post ended. Here are a few extra tips for keeping the conversation energetic and fun:

Rephrase Questions As Interesting Comments.

By rephrasing standard questions you open up whole new avenues of conversation.

Standard: “How many brothers and sisters do you have?”

Rephrase: “I bet you’re the youngest in your family.”

Use Time Constraints.

Example: “You know what? If I didn’t have to go right now--which I do--I’d tell you the third step of brewing the perfect cup of coffee.” Time constraints are like a break for commercials. You’ll be back to tell him the end of the story.

Assert Your Frame.

That’s a fancy way of saying you should change the subject when the conversation goes in an unhelpful direction. By pulling him into your frame of reference--your reality--you can guide the conversation. Example:

Him: “So every time I hear that song, I think of my ex-boyfriend.”

You: “That reminds me, New Band just dropped their latest album. Do you like their stuff?”

Answer, “What Do You Do” In An Inventive Way.

“What do you do for a living?” is an inevitable question. You can answer in a way that’ll make him like you and guide the conversation into shared experiences.

Don’t ever answer with something like, “Systems Administrator.” Christ, I’m bored just typing it out. Worse, your crush probably won’t relate so he’ll resort to stereotyping (you’re boring, tedious, unimaginative, or whatever the stereotype is for your profession). Your answer needs to be relatable. Here’s a really neat way of doing it:

When I was little I wanted to be ______. When I was a teenager I wanted to be _______. And now, I’m a _____. Can you believe it? So my latest project is ______.

If you take him on a small, revealing journey he’s going to feel closer to you. And it sets you up to reciprocate in an interesting way: “What were you like when you were a teenager?”

And if all that seems too much work, try this: “I’m a stunt ass.”

He Said Yes To The Date. Now What?

Dial back the amount of texts you send. If you go into text overkill, you could scare him off and give him a reason to make up an excuse to cancel. Leave some mystery and generate some intrigue.

Also, don’t do the Snoopy dinner dance if he agrees to go out. Examples:

You: Yay, I can't WAIT till Saturday!!! :):):):):)

You: So glad you said yes! Didn’t think you would.

You: I can finally die happy!!!!!

Tone it down, man. Otherwise you're hopping on the train to Crazytown, and he's not going to be on board with you. Do drop him a text to confirm time and place and always do a light tease: “I’m looking forward to seeing you but remember, keep your hands to yourself. I’m not that kind of guy.”

Good luck on your date. Bring a condom!

Let’s Review.

If dancing is the vertical expression of a horizontal desire, then texting is the digital expression of it. Your goal isn’t to text up a storm; it’s to get him under your umbrella. Beware how easy it is to feel like you’re in a relationship because you’re typing at each other. Turn your texts into a date or hookup. Otherwise you’re just texturbating. And really, there are so many better places to put your hands than on your phone. Let’s go over some of the rules to make a hook up or a hang out possible:

• Never ask a guy out over text. At least not the first time. Especially if you don’t know on very well. Establish comfort by letting him hear your voice and letting your personality come through the phone.

• Make the phone call right after a fun text thread. It will increase the chances that he’ll pick up when you call and set the stage for a fun conversation.

• Always leave a voicemail if he doesn’t answer. Otherwise he’s going to check his “recently called” list and see that he’s dealing with a serial stalker.

• Use nonverbal gestures to come across better. By smiling, keeping your arms uncrossed and your palms up during the phone call you will sharply reduce nervousness and sound happier and more confident.

• Use ‘multiple threads’ to keep the conversation lively. It boils down to jumping from subject to subject to raise the energy level. The next time you’re with a brilliant conversationalist notice how artfully he goes from one subject to another without ever being interruptive.

Excellent. But every success brings its own set of problems. What if you had a good time but he didn’t? How do you turn it around? What if it didn’t go well and you don’t want another shot but he does? Stay tuned for next week's post.