What To Say On That First Phone Call With Your Crush

"Hello, It's Me": The Art of Nailing the First Phone Call

It’s natural to be nervous so have a plan, man. Know what you’re going to say before you pick up the phone. Preparation will eliminate awkward silences and propel you into a fun, engaging conversation.

Here’s how you prepare: Think back to the subjects that you joked about and use that as your opening line when he picks up the phone. Let’s say you were teasing him about a big necklace he was wearing the fateful night you met:

Ring, ring, ring....

Him: Hello?

You: Are you still wearing that big ol’ necklace I tried to do the hoola hoop in the other night?

Him: Oh! Stephen! Very funny! How are you?

Contrast the energy and vibe of that opening phone call with:

“Hi, it’s Stephen. We met at the bar the other night?”

Point made. Always open with something cheeky or flirty that was specific to the interaction you first had. His mind will immediately go back to the fun interaction you shared and bam! You’ve put him in the kind of positive emotional state that will move the conversation forward.

What To Do On That First Phone Call.

I’ve got a neat trick I want to share with you, courtesy of nonverbal communication researchers. But first you should know something important about body language. It doesn’t just reflect your inner emotions, it changes them. Don’t take my word for it; test it. Cross your arms against your chest. What do you notice? After a few minutes, you’ll get quieter, more introspective and less likely to smile or laugh. It’s the body’s built-in feedback loop—‘bad mood’ body positions result in bad moods, period. It works the other way around, too. Smile, uncross your arms and keep your palms open for a couple of minutes. Hmm. Is that your spirit lifting or are you just happy to see the guy you’re texting?

So how does this apply to your phone call? If you’re nervous about making a phone call, keep your arms uncrossed, your palms open and smile even though he can’t see you. You’ll come across friendlier and more appealing.

How To Avoid Conversational Dead-Ends On The First Call.

The trick to preventing conversational dead-ends is to jump from one subject to the other BEFORE any one subject dries up. You do this all the time with good friends--you just don’t realize it. Here, look at the difference in conversational styles when you talk to a stranger vs. a friend.

You and a Stranger...

You: Have you been to that new boutique hotel downtown?

Stranger: No, I haven’t. Have you? (continues thread)

You: Yeah, it’s pretty rad (continue thread)

Stranger: What makes it so different? (continues thread)

You: It’s got a pool in the middle of the lobby. (continue thread)

Can you spell B-O-R-I-N-G? Question. Answer. Question. Answer. No energy. Now look at the same conversation if you’d had it with a good friend...

You: Have you been to that new boutique hotel downtown?

Friend: Oh yeah, I banged a guy in the condo next door! (opens a new thread) Is it worth going to? (jumps back to first thread)

You: Is there any building in this town you haven’t had sex in? You’re like a walking petri dish. (Open new thread). Anyway, the hotel’s pretty rad, actually. (Return to original thread).

Friend: It’s not my fault you can’t get laid. Try talking to a guy without looking at your shoes for once. (opens yet another thread). What makes it so different? (Returns to original thread).

You: Yes, I want to be just like you--walk into the STD clinic and say, “I’ll have the usual!” (open another thread) No, thanks. Anyway, it’s got a pool in the middle of the lobby.

Strangers talk in a single thread (boring); friends talk in multiple threads (exciting). Think of a subject you bring up to your crush as a “thread” in the mosaic of a conversation. You’d have a pretty boring piece of fabric if you made the whole thing out of one single string. So create multiple ones. Multiple threads create energy, rapport and the feeling that you have a lot to talk about.

Multiple threads also create a mild form of suspense in the way the best TV shows do. Before they go to commercial break TV shows end with a mini-cliffhanger so you’ll be sure to stay tuned. You can do the same thing in a conversation through multiple threads.

Example:

“Which singer would you want to be in the Village People? Wait! Before you answer, did I tell you what happened to me today? (tell your quick story, then...) Oh my bad, so which singer would you want to be?”

Multiple threads create open loops to give you the opportunity to come back and close them. They add suspense. Any time you introduce an unresolved question, an unfinished sentence, or cut a story off you add a little intrigue. Another example: So my secret to making a perfect cup of coffee is to, wait, did you just see that dog hanging out of the car window?!

You can easily add multiple threads by noticing something new and getting more excited about it than what you were talking about. Then return to the original thread.