GET A BETTER LOVE LIFE
How & Where To Meet Gay Men
"How Do I Meet Gay Guys?"
Our Guide to meeting gay men IRL
(At bars, parties, events, leagues, and every day situations)
Author & columnist, featured on
HBO,
NPR, and in
The New York Times
In This Guide:
Conquer Your Fear of Rejection
How To Start A Conversation With A Hottie
Create A Powerful First Impression
Meet At Least One New Attractive Gay Guy Every Week
How To Use Body Language To Get Your Man
You're single, and you've got two burning questions rattling around in your brain like loose change in a tumble dryer: “HOW and WHERE can I meet gay men?” Well, buckle up, buttercup. Whether you're scouring the scene for Mr. Right, Mr. Right Now, or just Mr. “Meh, he’ll do for tonight,” this guide is your flamboyant sherpa through the bewildering, glittery world of gay dating.
First up: HOW to meet gay guys. Because honestly, knowing WHERE to meet gay guys is about as useful as a comb on a bald man's pocket if you're paralyzed by fear of rejection, can’t string together a sentence or look unapproachable.
The Everest of your dating journey? Conquering that fear of rejection. Whether it's in the
gay dating apps or IRL, fear of rejection is the biggest cockblock of them all. But fear not! We're going to turn you into a rejection-slaying warrior, armed with confidence so rock-solid, you’ll make The Rock look like a pebble.
Let’s say you spot a hottie.
You’re likely to get paralyzed with “approach anxiety” and can’t get yourself to go over to another guy you’re interested in and start a conversation. And even if Mr. Right (or Mr. Right Now) starts one, you get tongue-tied, quiet, and introspective. He takes that as a sign of disinterest and moves on.
Fear of rejection lowers your confidence which lowers your competence. Stuck in a low-confidence, low-competence trap, it’s hard to muster up the courage to start a convo with a hottie. Then you end up using a cheesy pick-up line which brings on the rejection you feared.
Tired of always playing fetch? Let’s teach you how to be the bone. Yes, it's time for guys to pursue YOU. It’s a skill, and you’re about to graduate top of your class. We’re flipping the script from you being the thirsty chaser to being the chased. That means the next time you ask yourself, "where do I meet gay men?" you'll follow it up with, "so they can chase me!"
Now, about creating that killer first impression – think less 'mild-mannered accountant' and more 'life-of-the-party local legend.' You want to stride into a room and have every head turn, not because you’ve tripped over the welcome mat, but because you’re oozing that irresistible 'must-know-him' vibe.
We're talking about the kind of entrance that says, 'Here's someone who knows the best jokes, the coolest spots, and probably has a great dog.' It's about striking that perfect balance of confidence and approachability, the kind that makes people think, 'Wow, I need to get in on that conversation.'"
This guide is the ultimate toolkit for anyone in the gay dating scene. Whether you're on the prowl for a casual hook-up, a thrilling date, a steady boyfriend, or even a life partner, this is your go-to resource. We're focused on practical, effective strategies that are grounded in reality – no fairy tales, just actionable advice on how to meet gay men--how to approach them, how to open conversations, build sexual tension and more. And once you start going out with them for realz, you can then turn to our gay dating advice guide to make it work.
By the time you're through, you'll have the know-how to meet gay guys and navigate the complexities of dating with confidence and clarity. Ready to transform your approach and find what you're truly looking for? Let's make it happen!

Conquering Fear of Rejection
Where do gay guys meet? Does it matter if you're too scared to talk to them? In this section we’ll look at how your fears get triggered by a fundamental error in the way you perceive attractive guys. Change the perception; banish the fear. Then, we’ll introduce you to a profound new way of looking at guys you’re interested in. It will stop you in your tracks. And then we’ll be able to take apart the Three Big Gay Lies that keep you from taking a chance.
Once you've redefined the awful meaning you've put on "rejection," once you've made a substantial shift in your thinking, you'll be ready for the next step: Growing confidence. Because without it there's no point in asking what everybody asks on a Saturday night: "Where can I meet gay guys?"
Turn Your Fear of Rejection Into Jet Fuel For Meeting Guys
The 3 Fears That Stop You From Approaching Guys & How To Deal With Them
How To Smash The Lies That Keep Your Fear of Rejection Alive
How To Grow Rock Star Confidence
What if you developed rock star confidence? You would be able to walk into a room and get noticed right away.
You wouldn’t be afraid of rejection. You’d be able to start conversations with anyone anywhere at any time.
And those conversations would capture the imagination, stir curiosity and set the stage for a real connection. Only at that point does typing "where to meet gay men near me" into the search engines make sense. Because you'll know what to do when you get there!
You wouldn’t need to meet singles online. You wouldn’t need to pay for popular dating sites. You’d be able to meet single men, start conversations them–even if they didn’t look interested –and charm them into wanting you.
You’d know how to disarm guys who think you may be hitting on them so they’ll relax enough to have a conversation (and give you a chance to see you as a potential partner).
You’d know how to prevent ‘conversation stalling” and awkward silences. You’d be able to meet someone whenever you wanted. That's exactly what's going to happen to you after you read our series on getting rock start confidence. Read our guides in this portion of How Do I Meet Gay Men:
How To Grow Rock Star Confidence Part 1
Create A Powerful First Impression
Learn how to give a guy that same feeling of “I have to have him” that he gets when he sees a guy who is rich, famous, or good looking… without being any of those things yourself! Here's an overview:
Stop Treating Hotties Like Final Bosses
Here's a wild thought: Instead of viewing that hot stranger as the 'boss level' in your personal game of Love Legend, how about seeing them as a gateway to Narnia? Swap that daunting 'goal' mindset with a 'portal to Wonderland' attitude. Suddenly, chatting them up feels less like a SAT exam and more like a surprise trip to Disneyland. Drop the anxiety and gear up for a joyride of curiosity.
Your Cheat Sheet: Witty One-Liners
Stockpile an arsenal of opening zingers, but scrap those cheesy pick-up lines – we're not in a 90s sitcom. How about sparking a chat with a question like, "Should I name my two puppies Millie Vanillini?"
"Gotta Dash, But I'll Be Back"
Throw in a 'time grenade' – let them know you're on a tight schedule but want to chat more later. It's like saying, "Hey, I'm interesting but not a clingy barnacle." You're setting the stage for Act Two without making them feel like they're stuck in a never-ending monologue. Nothing impresses a hottie more than somebody who walks away from them.
The Most Important Quality of Creating a Powerful Impression
The First Thing You Should Say To Create A Great First Impression
How to Make the First Move On A Hottie
How To Avoid Conversational Dead-Ends
How To Hit On A Hottie Without Them Knowing It
Meet At Least One New Attractive Gay Guy Every Week
Here’s how we're going get you to meet new gay guys every week. We're going to get rid of your fear of rejection. We're going to give you rock-star confidence you can use where gay men meet- bars, parties, gyms, etc.. We're going to tell you what to say so you’ll never be at a loss for words when you’re standing next to a beautiful guy.
Let’s face it, you’re in a low-confidence, low-competence trap. Not knowing what to say or do lowers your confidence and the lack of confidence stops you from trying.
But what if you did know how to approach the guys you’re interested in? What if you knew what to say? And what to do? You’d be able to date the kind of guys you always wanted. You'd know the answer to the search question thousands of guys type into the browsers: "how to meet gay men near me?"
We're going to show you how to conquer your fear of rejection and learn powerful conversational techniques that make you irresistible to attractive guys. Take a look:
How To Approach Guys You Want To Meet
20 Rejection-Proof Conversation Openers
Should You Try "Open Casting" Dating?
How To Start A Conversation With A Hottie
This is the section where learn how to meet other gay guys with unforgettable conversation starters. In the vibrant cosmos of gay dating apps, starting a chat with a stunner can be as nerve-wracking as a high-wire act – but fear not! We're here to arm you with an arsenal of witty, engaging, and downright irresistible conversation openers.
The first thing you'll learn is the ability to “assume rapport” --- one of the most useful social skills you can have. It will literally open doors for you in your dating, business and personal relationships.
Rapport is an emotional bond based on a shared understanding. The best way to get it is to pretend you’ve got it. Don’t seek it; assume it. Rapport seekers fish for a connection by asking yawners like “What’s New?” “What do you do?” and “Where are you from?” If you’ve ever been on the receiving end of those questions from a guy you don’t know--and aren’t sure you want to—it feels as if somebody’s checking your pockets to see if you’ve got change for a dollar.
It’s way too invasive. Don’t do it. Act as if you know him. Talk to him like you used to ditch class together.
People who have genuine rapport don’t talk in meaningless questions. They talk in statement form or in meaningful questions. Let’s say you’re at a grocery store and you spy a hottie:
Asking for rapport: [directly approaching him] “Hi. I’m Mike. What’s your name?”
Assuming rapport: [holding the bottle and asking indirectly] “What’s up with 1% milk? Is it really any better than 2%?”
Do you see the difference? Asking for rapport creates a try-hard energy. Assuming rapport creates camaraderie. This is how you meet gay singles.
The #1 Rule To Approaching a Hottie
What To Say When You First Meet a Hottie
Throwing a "Time Grenade" To Pique His Interest
What Never To Do In A Conversation Opener
How To Start A Conversation With A Guy You're Interested In
Make Yourself More Approachable
How to get a gay hookup or a date? In this section you'll find the most powerful approaches to getting gay men interested in you--for whatever your needs. They’re GUARANTEED to make them look at you and think, “Tonight just got more interesting.” They’re fun to do, they put a smile on his face and best of all, they’ve been field tested in gay bars, parties and social events.
How To Make Yourself More Approachable
Is Your Body Language Unconsciously Sending "Go Away" Signals?
How Certain Body Language Can Wreck Your Love Life
How Your Eyes (and eyebrows) Can Attract Guys.
How The "Freeze Game" Makes You More Aware of Your Body Language
How To Use Body Language To Get Your Man
(Gay Dating Tips--Fun Edition)
If you’re skeptical about how your body language affects your love life, play a game with me. Straighten your arm as if you were doing a “Heil Hitler” salute. What’s the feeling? Dominant, aggressive, hateful, right?
It isn’t your arm that’s creating those feelings, by the way. It’s your palm. Watch. Keep your arm in
the air, but now turn the palm up. What’s the feeling now? Open, inviting, fun.
Turn the palm down and you feel like Hitler. Turn it up and you feel like Evita! Now, if a simple palm
movement has that kind of emotional impact on you, imagine the effect it has on other people.
Now, I know you don’t go around saluting like an SS guard, but you’re going to be surprised at how
every day palm gestures can have nearly the same negative effects.
Gay Body Language
When guys ask, "how to meet gay guys in my area" the area they should concentrate isn't in what part of town but what part of their body language is appealing and what part isn't.
See, body language can make the difference between going home with Shagability in your arms or your tail between your legs. If you’ve ever wondered why your approaches often end in humiliating disasters or why, on the other hand, nobody ever seems to hit on you, look in the mirror. Your body language is all wrong.
Most likely, your internal ‘transmission towers’ and ‘receiving stations’ that send and receive sexual signals need some work. If you don’t understand what signals you’re sending out or how to interpret the ones you get, your love life is going to be comprised of taking out your wallet and showing people pictures of your hand.
In this section of our LGBT dating tips we're going to tinker with that transmission tower, rebuild your receiving station and hire a new dispatcher. You’re about to find out how to use body language to meet and attract that hottie across the room.
Or better yet, make him come to you.
Get Guys To Pursue YOU
When you get the hang of getting guys to chase after you, asking where to meet other gay guys is going to be a question you look forward to. You can do this even if you’re not tall, rich or handsome. By using the concept of “Demonstrating Value,” you can literally get the hottest guy in the room to pursue YOU. All you have to do is understand a few fundamentals about human nature and apply them.
Take a look at this section of our "How To Meet Single Gay Guys" guide:
How To Make Yourself More Approachable
Is It Playing Games To Pretend You're Not That Interested?
How To Text Somebody Who's Ambivalent About You
SMS SOS: Rescuing Your Texts from the Bermuda Triangle of Ambivalence
Learn The Art of Gay Flirting
There's no point in asking how to meet local gay guys if you don't know how to flirt. In this section we break down the art of signaling 'Hey, you're cute' without resorting to the animal kingdom's less subtle mating dances.
Sometimes flirting is just about making someone's day, boosting your own ego (because let's face it, we all need a win sometimes), or just having a good time without any strings attached. Flirting is the spice of life – it's about shared curiosity, excitement, and that electric charge when someone responds to your sexual signals.
How To Meet Single Gay Men--Flirting Edition
With our gay flirt guide, we'll guide you through the labyrinth of 'does he like me or is he just being nice?' with a blend of humor, real talk, and tips that are as practical as they are entertaining. By the end, you'll be a maestro of the flirtatious glance, the cheeky comment, and maybe even that gentle touch that says, 'Let's see where this goes' – all in the name of science, of course.
An Introvert's Guide to Flirting
How To Flirt With Postures, Gestures & Other Body Language
Are You Unconsciously Sending "Don't Flirt With Me" Signals?
Creative Ways To Ask For His Phone Number
How To Get Shy Guys To Ask For Your Number
How To Meet Gay Guys Offline? Build Attraction
Spice up your approach our surefire, slightly cheeky techniques. They're practically a magic spell for making him glance your way and think, "I think I'm really attracted to this guy!" These methods are not just effective; they're a total hoot to execute. The best part? These tactics have been tried and tested in the ultimate laboratories of love and flirtation: gay bars, lively parties, and buzzing social events.
Stay tuned for our tips on building attraction as we provide links in the next few weeks.
What To Say On Your First Phone Call With Your Crush
Ring-a-Ding-Ding: Slaying Your First Gay Date Call
Create Sexual Tension
Strategic touching builds comfort and creates desire. Start out with indirect touching and escalate slowly with these time-tested tactics. Find out how to position yourself for no-threat touches, where to touch and how to use the “Prize Theory” to get him to touch YOU. This is a critical skill in knowing how to meet other gay men. Stay tuned for more links.
Gay Dating Resources
Books
MEET
Have more sex, get more dates, or find a husband with this step-by-
step manual that shows you how to approach, meet and attract
beautiful gay men.
From getting rid of fear of rejection to knowing exactly how to start a conversation, this is the ultimate
gay dating blueprint.
On Amazon
ATTRACT
The only body language guide for gay men. It’s packed with inventive strategies proven to make you more appealing and approachable.
Learn which gestures, postures and expressions attract gay men–all based on peer reviewed studies done by leading psychologists in non-verbal communication.
On Amazon
TEXT
Capture his imagination, stir his curiosity and build attraction with a blend of clever, thoughtful texts.
Get solutions to common problems like what you should say on first texts, how long to wait to respond, dealing with indecisive guys and turning ambivalence into passion.
On Amazon
ARTICLES
BUZZFEED: 5 LGBTQ+ Relationship Experts Share Their Best Dating Advice
This article "how to meet other gay people" article features insights from six prominent LGBTQ+ relationship experts, including tips on navigating the dating scene, building healthy connections, and setting boundaries. While not exclusively focused on gay men, it offers valuable advice applicable to their specific experiences.
Medium: Red Flags To Watch Out For When You’re Dating Gay Men
Before you learn how to meet local gay men you need to know the red flags to watch out for. This includes secretiveness, controlling behavior, different values, dismissiveness, anger issues, and possessiveness.
REDDIT: The Ultimate Guide to Gay Dating
How do gay guys meet each other? This comprehensive guide delves into the contemporary landscape of gay dating, covering everything from navigating online platforms to crafting compelling profiles and handling first dates.
Gay Life After 40: 5 Tips for Gay Dating in Your 40s
This article offers practical advice for gay men over 40 seeking meaningful connections, addressing concerns like ageism, shifting priorities, and utilizing online platforms effectively.
Little Gay Book: 7 Conversation Starters for Your Next Gay Date
Synopsis: This article provides the answer to how do gay people meet (successfully that is). Through a handy list of conversation starters specifically tailored for gay men on first dates. It aims to break the ice, encourage genuine communication, and spark interesting discussions.
San Diego News:
7 Ways to Make the Most of Your Gay Dating Profile
This article provides practical tips for crafting a compelling online dating profile that attracts the right kind of attention. It covers aspects like profile pictures, bio writing, and showcasing your interests.
Salon: HOW TO MEET GAY GUYS WITHOUT GRINDR
How do gay people meet online if they hate Grindr? This article Offers advice in various settings that resonate with your values, including community events, parades, and volunteering opportunities, emphasizing the importance of building a supportive network.
Huffpost: GAY DATING ADVICE – 15 PRO TIPS
Focuses on the importance of emotional transparency and self-reliance in dating, explaining how owning your emotions and being independent are crucial for a healthy and balanced relationship. This is way deeper than the usual "where can i meet a gay man" article.
Gino: Gay Relationship Advice: Tips and Strategies for Healthy Gay Couples
Where to meet single gay men? Not a question that'll be answered here. This article provides relationship advice for healthy gay couples from Gino Cosme, an experienced gay therapist. He emphasizes building a strong foundation based on trust, respect, commitment, communication, and compromise. Other tips include embracing self-awareness, overcoming internalized homophobia, actively listening, scheduling quality time, supporting each other's goals, maintaining intimacy, embracing uniqueness, nurturing supportive relationships, and prioritizing sexual health.
PODCASTS
A weekly podcast hosted by Dan Savage, an author, sex-advice columnist, and LGBTQ+ rights activist. The show is an extension of his popular "Savage Love" advice column. In the podcast, Savage offers candid and often humorous advice on sex, relationships, and dating.
Offers candid discussions about gay culture, dating, and relationships, with a focus on personal growth and community issues.
Gay Therapy LA with Ken Howard, LCSW
Ken Howard, a gay therapist, shares his insights on gay men's mental health, dating, and relationships.
This podcast, brought by the Gay Men’s Brotherhood, focuses on personal development, sexuality, and mental health, with a specific emphasis on gay men's experiences in dating and relationships
ADVICE COLUMNISTS
Ask Daddy is a long-running advice column for LGBTQ readers with questions that range from "where can i meet other gay guys" to more esoteric issues relating to sexuality, morality, coming out, navigating relationships, and more. The column is known for its witty and humorous approach, while still offering insightful and relatable advice.
¡Hola Papi! is an online advice column by John Paul Brammer, offering queer-specific advice to readers around the world. Papi tackles personal questions about love, relationships, sex, identity, and more, with a focus on humor, empathy, inclusivity and for the singles among us, how to meet more gay people.
Savage Love is a syndicated sex advice column by Dan Savage, running for over 30 years. Savage provides frank and often humorous advice on sex, relationships, and more, with a focus on harm reduction and inclusivity. He also hosts a popular podcast called "Savage Lovecast."