The Repercussions of Disrespecting A Date's Rules

Have you ever gone out on a date with somebody who got angry that you ended up having sex? You knew that he had certain boundaries about first date sex but the wine worked its magic and you wormed your way into his pants.

Next morning his lovey-dovey attitude completely changed. He tells you he wanted a date not a hookup, that he needs a stronger emotional connection before having sex and now he feels like characters in Sex And The City.  Specifically, Samantha in Charlotte's clothing.

It's hard to believe in the age of GrindR, Jack'd and INSERT YOUR FAVORITE APP HERE that not every guy wants to drop trout and start rutting the minute he sees somebody attractive.

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But the truth is, a lot of guys have strict rules about what they consider to be acceptable behavior for themselves.

I'm not talking about the typical gay hypocrisy which translates to something like saying, "I'm not that type of girl" right before they head to the baths.

Confident, secure guys know what works for them emotionally and physically. They go towards the things (or the men) that make them feel good and avoid the things (or the men) that make them feel bad.

They have a strong sense of who they are and what they want. Cross that sensibility and there's very little chance of going back. I know because I once did that (seduced a guy that I was interested in on the first date) and paid the price for it. He literally thought that I had poisoned the well and didn't want to see me anymore.

I have to say I was rather heartbroken because I really liked the guy. I don't see anything wrong with sex on the first date. I don't think it has a judgment on your character or your behavior. But he did. And because I didn't pay attention to the signals he was sending me on our date I made the wrong move.

I screwed up because I broke two fundamental rules in dating: the guy with the least amount of interest has all the power. And until you can equalize that power you run the risk of losing him unless you take his hints seriously and mirror his actions.

In the end, I couldn't get him back even with an apology (I must admit that is the first time I've ever apologized for having sex) and a promise of a romantic dinner to show my serious intent.

But the damage was done open (in his mind, anyway) and soon my texts went unanswered and my phone calls straight to voicemail. I lost him but I gained a greater understanding that "no" means "no" even when it's a gay man saying it.