FAMILY

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Learn about the 8-minute phone call concept to strengthen connections to friends and family. Specially tailored for gay men.

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Get inspired by LGBTQ+ families boldly crafting their own traditions! From "Rainbowmas" celebrations to PrideMonth art projects, these stories show the power of blending values, cultures and creativity into unique family rituals

Why are gay teens and young adults using TikTok to come out? How does this affect gay youth and visibility? Our comprehensive analysis shows you who’s doing it and why.

The Art of Coming Out To a Conservative Thinking about coming out to your father who supports Trump and wears a "Make America Great Again" hat? First things first: Read our guide, " How To Come Out To Homophobic Parents. " We understand the challenges that come with this situation, but remember that being true to yourself is essential to your well-being. Here are some tips and tricks to help you navigate this tough conversation. Assessing the Situation: Understanding Your Father's Political Views and Beliefs Before coming out to your father, it's important to consider his beliefs and political views. It's essential to approach this conversation with empathy and understanding, recognizing that his beliefs don't define him as a person. Here are three ways to phrase this: "I know that my father has conservative beliefs and may hold traditional views of marriage, but I hope he'll see past that." "My father's political views may differ from my own, but I know he loves me and will want to support me." "While my father may be a Trump supporter, I know he raised me to be true to myself, and I hope he'll see that." Building a Support Network and Practicing What You Want to Say Before coming out, it's crucial to build a support network and practice what you want to say. Having people who love and support you can make a world of difference. Choosing the Right Time and Place to Have the Conversation Choosing the right time and place to come out to your father is crucial. It's essential to avoid public places or times of high tension and ensure that you have enough time to talk through any concerns or questions. The Conversation: Being Honest and Addressing Concerns When coming out to your father, it's essential to be honest and straightforward. Be prepared to address any concerns or questions he may have and remember that this conversation is not about changing his beliefs. Here are three ways to phrase this: "Dad, I need to tell you that I'm gay. It's a significant part of who I am, and I hope you'll accept me for who I am." "I know that my sexual orientation may be a surprise, but I hope we can have an open and honest conversation about it." "I'm telling you this because I want to be true to myself, and I hope that you can support me." Coping with the Outcome: Preparing for Different Reactions It's essential to prepare for different reactions when coming out to your father. Some fathers may be accepting, while others may not be. Remember that you're not alone and that seeking professional help if needed is always an option. Here are three ways you can talk to yourself about this: "I'm preparing myself for any reaction my father may have, whether it's positive or negative." "I know that coming out can be challenging, and I'm reaching out to resources that can help me cope with any negative reactions." "If my father doesn't accept me for who I am, I know that I have a community of people who will love and support me." Coming out to a Trump-loving, MAGA hat-wearing father can be a daunting task. However, being true to yourself is essential to your well-being, and having this conversation can be a significant milestone in your life. Remember to approach this conversation with empathy and understanding, build a support network, choose the right time and place, be honest and straightforward, and prepare for different reactions. And always remember, you're not alone. Here are some additional resources to help you navigate this tough conversation: The Trevor Project: https://www.thetrevorproject.org/ PFLAG: https://pflag.org/ Human Rights Campaign: https://www.hrc.org/ Seeking Expert Advice It's important to seek expert advice when it comes to navigating conversations about sexual orientation and political beliefs. Here are some experts' thoughts on this topic: Dr. Ryan DeLapp, a licensed psychologist, says that "It's important to remember that political beliefs don't define a person's character. When coming out, it's essential to approach the conversation with empathy and understanding, recognizing that the other person may need time to process their emotions." Brad Sears, founding executive director of the Williams Institute at UCLA School of Law, states that "Coming out can be a challenging experience, especially when dealing with family members who hold different beliefs. However, having an open and honest conversation can help build stronger relationships." Alex Roque, a licensed clinical social worker, suggests that "Preparing yourself for different outcomes is essential when coming out. Seeking support from friends, family, or community resources can help you cope with any negative reactions." Remember that seeking help from a professional can be beneficial, and there are many resources available to help you navigate this conversation. RESOURCES Websites & Organizations: The Trevor Project https://www.thetrevorproject.org Trevor Project on Youtube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiDiRlY0n9UDno1O7fswzzg Trevor Project Coming Out Handbook https://www.thetrevorproject.org/resources/guide/the-coming-out-handbook/ GLSEN Coming Out Handbook https://www.glsen.org/activity/coming-out-resource-lgbtq-students PFLAG https://pflag.org/resource/comingoutbooks/ HRC Coming Out Resources for gay men https://www.hrc.org/resources/coming-out Matthew Shepard Coming Out Resources https://www.matthewshepard.org/coming-out-resources/ Coming Out Later In Life https://www.lgbtagingcenter.org/resources/resources.cfm?s=31 https://psychcentral.com/health/coming-out-later-in-life Misc https://lgbtqia.ucdavis.edu/support/coming-out https://www.healthline.com/health/how-to-come-out https://www.campuspride.org/resources/how-to-come-out-on-campus/ CDC https : //www.cdc.gov/lgbthealth/youth-resources.htm Coming Out For Teens https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/coming-out.html https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/teen/dating-sex/Pages/Four-Stages-of-Coming-Out.aspx Stony Brook https://www.stonybrookmedicine.edu/LGBTQ/tips-for-coming-out LGBT Hotline https://lgbthotline.org/ GLAAD https://www.glaad.org BuzzFeed LGBTQ+ on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/BuzzFeedLGBTQ/ Books: The Other Side of the Closet: The Coming-Out Crisis for Straight Spouses and Families https://www.amazon.com/Other-Side-Closet-Coming-Out-Straight-ebook/dp/B00DNL3K5U/ Coming Out: Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgendered: The Complete Guide to Coming Out of The Closet, Finding Support, and Thriving in Your New Life (Am I ... i think i'm gay, self-acceptance Book 1) https://www.amazon.com/Coming-Out-Bisexual-Transgendered-self-acceptance-ebook/dp/B011F6DXV0/ Coming Out: I Think I'm Gay ~ The Ultimate Guide to Self-Acceptance, Coming Out, Building a Support System, and Loving Your New Life ~ ( How to Come Out of the Closet ) https://www.amazon.com/Coming-Out-Ultimate-Self-Acceptance-Building-ebook/dp/B00KSGY87W/ Oh S#*t! I Think I'm Gay: A coming out book https://www.amazon.com/Oh-Think-Im-Gay-coming-ebook/dp/B08J9S2YH5/ Mom and Dad, I’m gay: Coming Out of the Closet https://www.amazon.com/Mom-Dad-Im-gay-Coming-ebook/dp/B00VZ7Z4KI/ Coming out of the Closet https://www.amazon.com/Coming-out-Closet-Dick-Parker-ebook/dp/B06Y5Z47SJ/ OMG My Son is GAY "Why is my Son Gay? How You Can Help Your Kid Coming Out of The Closet and Keep Him Safe" The Ultimate Guide for Parents of Gay Children https://www.amazon.com/OMG-My-Son-GAY-Ultimate-ebook/dp/B0080QPVZU/ Cleaning Out My Closet: A Real-Life Guide To Coming Out To Family And Friends https://www.amazon.com/Cleaning-Out-My-Closet-Real-Life-ebook/dp/B00R2TOP0I/

Dear 100Footer, I'm writing to you because I find myself in a situation that has left me feeling hurt, frustrated, and in need of some guidance. Thanksgiving is just around the corner, and I'm bringing home my boyfriend, Stephen, to spend the holiday weekend with my family. Stephen has met my parents before, and they've always been gracious and welcoming to him. However, things have taken a strange and painful turn this time. My parents have insisted that Stephen and I sleep in separate bedrooms during our stay. This decision alone wouldn't have been so troubling if it weren't for the fact that my brother, Howard, is also bringing home his girlfriend, Isabel, and my parents have no qualms about letting them sleep in the same room. I can't help but feel that there's a glaring double standard at play here. It feels like a slap in the face, especially considering how warmly my parents have treated Stephen in the past. I love my family, and I want this Thanksgiving to be a happy and memorable occasion, but the thought of being treated as "less than" in my own home is making my stomach churn more than Aunt Edna's questionable cranberry sauce This whole situation has been keeping me up at night, wondering if I've done something wrong, or if there's something inherently flawed about my relationship with Stephen that makes it unworthy of the same respect and consideration that my brother's relationship receives. I don't want to cause a rift in my family or ruin the holiday, but I'm struggling with how to navigate this painful dilemma. Footer, I desperately need your help. How do I address this issue with my parents without causing an all-out family feud? Are there any strategies I can use to help them see the double standard and reconsider their decision? I want to stand up for my relationship, but I also want to maintain the love and connection that has always been so important in our family. Sincerely, Jeff, a Hurt and Confused Son Dear Jeff, Well, well, well, isn't this a Thanksgiving plot twist worthy of a daytime soap opera? Fear not, my conflicted friend, I'm here to serve up some ethical advice with a side of snark. Let's carve into these five juicy options for handling your family's double-standard dilemma, all while staying morally and ethically on point. The Straight Talk Sit your parents down and have a heartfelt, honest chat about how their decision is affecting you. Like a Bill Burr rant, minus the expletives. Let them know that you feel hurt by the double standard and that your relationship with Stephen deserves equal treatment. Advantages: Clear communication can work wonders. Disadvantages: Be prepared for the possibility that your parents might not immediately see the error in their ways. They could become defensive or double down on their decision. But hey, nothing ventured, nothing gained, right? The United Front Enlist your brother Howard and his girlfriend Isabel to help you make your case. If they're on board with pointing out the unfairness, your parents might be more receptive to reconsidering. Advantages: Strength in numbers. Disadvantages: Howard and Isabel might not want to get involved or risk their own comfortable sleeping arrangement. It's a gamble, but worth a shot if you think they'll have your back. The Ethical Ultimatum Tell your parents that if they insist on this separate bedroom rule for you and Stephen, then it should apply to Howard and Isabel as well. This equal treatment ultimatum might help them see the hypocrisy and reconsider their stance. Advantages: Fair's fair, right? Disadvantages: Be ready for the possibility of backlash from Howard and Isabel, or your parents digging in their heels even more. The Written Word If face-to-face confrontation isn't your style, try writing a heartfelt letter to your parents expressing your feelings. Sometimes putting pen to paper allows for deeper reflection and clearer communication. Channel your inner Shakespeare, but keep it real – no need for iambic pentameter. Disadvantages: A letter might not have the same impact as a face-to-face conversation, and your parents could dismiss or misunderstand your written words. But it's an option if you're more comfortable writing than speaking. Acceptance and Growth Accept your parents' decision for now, but use this experience as a catalyst for growth in your relationship with them. Continue to work on open communication, and perhaps over time, they'll come to see the unfairness of their decision and change their ways. Disadvantages: It might be difficult to stomach the double standard for the time being, but sometimes playing the long game can lead to the most meaningful change. So there you have it, Jeff – five ethical options to help you navigate this Thanksgiving quagmire. Remember, family dynamics can be as tricky as carving a turkey with a butter knife, but you've got this! Stay true to your values, and you'll come out on the other side with your dignity intact and perhaps even a deeper understanding of your family.

Dear 100footer: My mom and I have had a strained relationship for years because of her toxic, abusive boyfriend. he hates me and I hate him. We've even had violent confrontations in the past. My mom and I have agreed that if I come over to visit her she will make sure he is not there. She agrees that we should not be in the same room together. I hadn't seen my mom in a month and I took her out to lunch and later we sat at a park bench having a charming time talking. Suddenly she pulls out her phone to call her boyfriend just to check in and make sure that he takes the dog out. I didn't say anything to her at the time but I was incensed. She interrupted our time together to call a man I despise. I see this as just one more example of how my mother prioritizes her partner's feelings over her own children's. She lacks any kind of self-awareness about how her actions affect her children. I'm thinking of calling her or writing an email telling her How much that phone call hurt me and that she should refrain from doing so in the future. On the one hand, I feel strongly that I need to set up boundaries with her and enforce them. On the other hand, we have just achieved a brittle peace and I'm afraid that communicating with her about this issue will set us back a bit. Should I stand up for myself, express how I feel and set up a boundary that will enable me to visit my mother in peace or do I swallow it, do nothing and ignore it for the sake of peace? -- Confused Dear Confused: Let's use three contemporary frameworks to answer the question: Consequentialism Consequentialism is an ethical theory that focuses on the consequences of our actions. It states that an action is right if it leads to the best overall outcome. To decide whether you should confront your mom about the phone call, you should consider the possible short-term and long-term consequences of your actions and choose the option that leads to the most positive results. EXPRESSING YOURSELF Short Term Consequences If you stand up for yourself and express your feelings, the short-term consequences may include: Improved communication and understanding between you and your mom. Clear boundaries that help you both enjoy your time together without any interruptions. Possible tension or conflict if your mom doesn't respond well to your request. Long Term Consequences However, the long-term consequences of standing up for yourself could be different. Some possibilities include: Strengthening your relationship with your mom by addressing the issue and resolving it together. Empowering yourself to set healthy boundaries in other relationships as well. Risking driving your mom further into her boyfriend's arms if she feels attacked or criticized, which could exacerbate the existing strain in your relationship. KEEPING QUIET Short Term Consequences On the other hand, if you choose to do nothing and ignore the issue, the short-term consequences may include: Feeling resentful or hurt, which could affect your relationship with your mom. The continuation of your mom prioritizing her partner over you, leading to more frustration. The possibility of a more peaceful relationship, without any immediate conflicts. Long Term Consequences But the long-term consequences of this approach may include: A continued pattern of your mom prioritizing her partner over you, which could further damage your relationship. Feeling increasingly disconnected and resentful towards your mom, making it harder to repair your relationship in the future. The possibility of your mom eventually recognizing the negative impact of her actions and making changes on her own, though this is not guaranteed. Consequentialism's Answer: In light of the short-term and long-term consequences, you should consider standing up for yourself and expressing your feelings if the potential positive outcomes (improved communication, clear boundaries, and a stronger relationship) outweigh the negative ones (tension, conflict, and driving your mom further into her boyfriend's arms). It's important to approach the conversation with sensitivity and empathy to minimize potential negative long-term consequences. Deontology Deontology is an ethical theory that focuses on our duties and obligations, rather than the consequences of our actions. It states that an action is right if it follows a moral rule or principle. In this situation, you could consider the duties you have towards yourself and your mom, both in the short term and the long term. Your short-term duties towards yourself may include: Standing up for yourself and protecting your emotional well-being. Ensuring that you have a healthy and respectful relationship with your mom. Your short-term duties towards your mom may include: Respecting her autonomy and her choices, even if you disagree with them. Maintaining a peaceful relationship with her, despite the challenges. In the short term, deontology suggests that you should stand up for yourself and express your feelings because it is your duty to protect your emotional well-being and ensure a healthy relationship with your mom. However, you should also respect her autonomy and try to maintain peace in your relationship. When considering long-term duties, it is important to think about how your actions may impact your relationship with your mom over time. Your long-term duties towards yourself and your mom could include: Fostering a stable and supportive relationship built on open communication and mutual respect. Encouraging your mom to prioritize her own well-being and that of her children, rather than being entirely focused on her partner. Balancing your need for boundaries with the importance of maintaining a connection with your mom. Deontology's Answer: In light of your short-term and long-term duties, you should consider standing up for yourself and expressing your feelings, while also respecting your mom's autonomy and working towards fostering a stable and supportive relationship over time. It's important to approach the conversation in a way that minimizes the risk of driving your mom further into her boyfriend's arms in the long run. This could involve choosing the right time and place for the conversation, using empathetic and non-accusatory language, and focusing on your feelings rather than blaming your mom for the situation. Virtue Ethics Virtue ethics is an ethical theory that focuses on developing good character traits, such as courage, honesty, and empathy. It states that an action is right if it reflects a virtuous character. In this situation, you should consider the virtues that would guide you in dealing with your mom, both in the short term and the long term. Some relevant virtues for the short-term may include: Courage: Standing up for yourself and expressing your feelings, even if it's difficult. Honesty: Being truthful about how the phone call hurt you and why you think it's important to set boundaries. Empathy: Understanding your mom's perspective and feelings, and trying to maintain a peaceful relationship. In the short term, virtue ethics suggests that you should stand up for yourself and express your feelings, guided by the virtues of courage, honesty, and empathy. This means being honest about your feelings, while also trying to understand your mom's perspective and maintaining a peaceful relationship. When considering the long-term implications of your actions, you should think about how acting in accordance with these virtues can impact your relationship with your mom over time. Some virtues relevant to the long-term may include: Patience: Recognizing that change may take time and being willing to work through challenges together. Forgiveness: Letting go of past grievances and focusing on building a healthier relationship moving forward. Perseverance: Continuing to advocate for your own well-being and a healthy relationship with your mom, even when it's challenging. Virtue Ethics' Answer: In light of both short-term and long-term goals, you should consider standing up for yourself and expressing your feelings while adhering to the virtues of courage, honesty, empathy, patience, forgiveness, and perseverance. This means communicating your feelings and setting boundaries in a way that minimizes the risk of driving your mom further into her boyfriend's arms in the long run. This could involve choosing an appropriate moment for the conversation, using compassionate and non-confrontational language, and remaining committed to building a healthier relationship over time, even if it takes patience and perseverance.