The 8-Minute Rule That's Changing The Game

MeetJack and Oliver, two sharply dressed, incredibly suave, former lovebirds turned best buddies who used to paint New York City all shades of fabulous.

They had the kind of friendship that made people believe in love after love - Cher would be proud. But as fate had it, Oliver got swept into a whirlwind high-profile job that left him with less time than a speedrunner trying to beat a world record.

So what did they do to keep their bromance from fading into a sad video game that nobody plays anymore? They embraced an unorthodox tactic that can ward off gay depression. Brace yourselves, folks, it’s as quirky as that one queer cousin everyone has - the 8-minute phone call.

Oliver raised an eyebrow at this offbeat plan, probably thinking Jack had taken one too many Animal Crossing coffee shots with Brewster.

But for the sake of their beautiful bond (and possibly because Jack threatened to share embarrassing photos from Oliver's Madonna impersonation phase), he agreed.

During those brief yet magical eight minutes, the two  gentlemen laughed, gossiped, and philosophized like the old times. They zipped through topics faster than Sonic on a sugar rush.

They reminisced about that hilarious incident involving a jealous parrot at Oliver's birthday, discussed their parents' well-being, swapped page-turning book recommendations, and even found time to discuss the possibility of an afterlife (they both agreed: reincarnation sounds exhausting).

When the clock struck eight, it was over. Oliver had arrived at his Pilates class, and their speedy, soulful exchange ended. It was like watching a fantastic season finale - heartwarming, nostalgic, and leaving them both eager for more.

Welcome to The 8-Minute Phone Call. Your quest, should you choose to accept it, involves you picking up your phone, scrolling past those Grindr notifications, and sending a text to a cherished friend (or an ex-turned-friend for bonus points) proposing an 8-minute chat.

Harvard's own Dr. Bob Waldinger, in his book "The Good Life: Lessons From the World’s Longest Scientific Study of Happiness," suggests not to wait for the golden age of 'time surplus' (which is as mythical as a unicorn twerking on a rainbow) but to, for the sake of your mental health, seize the moment now.

After all, hearing your friend's voice can be as comforting as a cozy Pokemon Center in the middle of a treacherous route. NYC psychotherapist Claudia Glaser-Mussen affirms this, highlighting that even an eight-minute catch-up can kickstart the release of bonding hormones, the emotional equivalent of scoring a critical hit in your favorite RPG.

To avoid the call going from refreshing to Resident Evil-long, a hard out - or a strictly timed ending - is crucial. A 2021 study confirms that this simple technique ensures conversations won’t overstay their welcome, saving everyone from the "soooo…anyway" awkward moments.

Finally, another 2021 study demonstrated that participants who had short phone calls a few times a week had lower levels of depression, loneliness, and anxiety. Who knew that chatting with an old friend could be more therapeutic than defeating that stubborn Dark Souls boss!

So there you have it, the 8-minute phone call – an unconventional tool that might just save your social life faster than Mario rescues Princess Peach. Go forth and reconnect, one eight-minute call at a time.

Next: Help! His Gay Friends Excluded Him From a Fabulous Trip.