Gay Texting
From Casual Flings to Serious Love
GAY TEXTING: How To Flirt, Hook Up Or Get A Date
Are you giving guys Anal Glaucoma? That’s when they look at your lame texts and think, “I can’t see my ass in his life.” Guys who can’t text get Glaucoma’d all the time. I wrote this guide to keep you from being one of them. Now let me ask you a question. Which text do you think the guy you were flirting with last night would rather get?
“It was nice meeting you last night.”
Or
“Stop making me think about you. I’m busy.”
The first one shows you have the personality of a parking meter. The second one gives him the impression you’re sexy and funny. Whether you've met Mr. Man IRL or on the
gay dating apps, you ALWAYS want him to think you're funny and sexy. Check out our guide and learn how to flirt, hook up or get a date--with your thumbs.
In This Guide:
The 5 Most Effective Ways To Ask For His Phone Number
How To Get Shy Guys To Ask For Your Number
What To Say In Your First Few Texts
Turning Your Texts Into A Date Or A Hookup
He’s Not That Into You. Oh, Oh. Time For A Charm Offensive
What To Say On That First Phone Call
Post-Date Texting: If It Went Well And You Want Another One
Post-Date Texting: If It Didn’t Go Well But You Want Another Shot
Post-Date Texting: It Didn’t Go Well And You Don’t Want Another--But He Does
How To Get Shy Guys To Send Naughty Pictures And Turn Texts Into Sex
Problem-Solving Texts (Like, "how long should I wait to text back?")
Texting Reveals Your Personality
In our guide, How To Meet Gay Men IRL, we talk about words and body language being the harbingers of first impressions. But there's a second, digital impression and it's about how you text. See, early texting is testing. Text a guy you don’t know well and he immediately lapses into test questions:
Does he like me or does he just want to be friends?
Do I want to date him or sleep with him?
What are his intentions?
Is he funny, boring, interesting?
Is he a player?
Is he relationship material?
Is this someone I’d want to go out with?
Is he a stalker?
A Stage Five Clinger?
How Your Texts Shape Your Chances
Of course, it isn’t you he’s testing; it’s your typing. Do your texts make him laugh or reach for the Rolaids? You are constantly being assessed by the content of your texts (just as you’re assessing his). In fact, your texts are pretty much your defining characteristic until you talk on the phone or hang out somewhere real.
This places a huge burden on you to ‘produce’ good texts. He can’t see, hear, smell or feel you at the moment, so your texts are the digital equivalent of looking at your face and body and experiencing your personality. Do not kid yourself—your entire existence is being judged by what and how you text.
Used incorrectly, texts can toss a promising romance into the garbage disposal and flick the switch on your hopes and dreams. Used correctly, they can get you the love of your life or, at the very least, some serious action. Want to turn him off? Send an inappropriate text. Or a misspelled one. Or worse, an inappropriate text that’s misspelled.
Keeping the Spark Without Sparking Alarm
Want him walking backwards from you? Be too direct. Want him wishing he could “text block” you? Go emo. Want him filing a restraining order? Text him nine times in a row without getting a response from him.
But if you want him to look forward to your texts, if you want him to say YES when you ask him to hang out, then you’ve got to set the right tone, be funny, and project that you’re large and in charge without being overbearing. You’ve got to build up the romantic and sexual tension without being disrespectful or too available.
I’m going to show you how to do that. I’m going to show you how to open a conversation, how to take control of it, and how to get guys to immediately text you back. I’m going to show you what to do and what to avoid, how to create and maintain attraction, how to tease effectively, how to craft witty responses, how to increase engagement and how to entertain and challenge men.
Keeping It Exciting, Not Alarming
If you’ve been friend-zoned too many times, if you’ve had guys show initial interest and then drop out of the sky (gay app dating, anyone?), if you’re tired of texts that never lead to a date, then hold on; help is on the way. You’re about to learn how to make him spring for your dings. In fact, you’re going to learn how make guys adore you, one thumb at a time.
Just as beautiful men can render you speechless, they can also render you textless. It’s easy to choke on your own brain farts and come up with absolutely nothing clever or creative to text. That's why we created the ultimate guide to gay texting, where digital flirtation meets fabulousness.
This isn't your grandma's guide to "U up?" texts. No, sir. This is the holy grail of gay texting, a guide that turns your phone into a wand of seduction, and your words into spells of enchantment. We're going to help you understand the texting ecosystem—what works, what doesn’t and how to get there.
We’re going to turn you into a texting champ one thumb at a time.
The 5 Most Effective Ways To Ask For His Phone Number
Some guys get so anxious about asking for a phone number they make their coffee nervous. Relax. This section of our gay dating advice will show you how to get his number in the coolest way possible. Of course you have to meet him first, so if you haven't, check out our guide, How To Find Your Gay Boyfriend.
Anyway, this is a step-by-step texting guide, with word-for-word phrasings you can use depending on your personality style. Learn funny, witty techniques, including an approach that gets him to volunteer his number without asking. Discover how 'gay texting' can be part of these techniques. Bonus pointer! How to get a stripper’s phone number.
Avoid These Mistakes When You Ask For His Number
How To Get Shy Guys To Ask For Your Number
If my martinis could shake like some guys do about asking for another guy’s number I’d
get drunk more often. This section of our LGBT dating advice will show you some amazingly clever ways of giving him your number and making him think he asked for it!
How To Get Shy Guys To Ask For Your Number
How To Give Him Your Phone Number And Make Him Think He Asked For It
What To Say In Your First Few Texts
The conversation came easy, he laughed at your jokes and he seemed totally dialed-in on
what you had to say. So what next? Raise your hand if you said, “Send him a picture of
my junk.” Now slap yourself with that hand. It's time to get to work!
This section will show you how to build momentum toward a date or a hookup by amping up the sexual
and romantic tension. Learn how to quickly establish comfort (you are a stranger to him,
after all), how to sex up that comfort, how to avoid being meek without veering into
dickishness, how to be “steady but unpredictable,” and calibrate the timing and length of your texts, including nuances of gay texting.
We're even going to give you a template that shows you how to come up with interesting
conversational ideas when the texting goes drier than a popcorn fart.
Turn Your Texts Into Date or A Hookup
You didn’t get his number to knit text threads into adorable little sweaters. You got it
because you want to hang out or hook up. The quicker you do it the better. After all, you
probably had beer goggles on when you met. Do you really want to spend weeks texting
a guy that turns out to be fugs?
Find out other reasons why “texturbating” (texting too long) ruins your chances and why you need to call or set something up. QUICKLY. Learn the surprising answers to common questions: How do you get him to send pictures if you don’t quite remember what he looked like (without insulting him)? Is it okay to ask him out over
text? Is it bad to make a last-minute date? What’s the best timing for a call?
He’s Not That Into You. Oh, Oh. Time For A Charm Offensive
He gave you his number but it seemed less out of desire and more out of a lack of
industrial grade pepper spray within easy reach. This section shows you how to text-charm
a man who isn’t that into you and make him look forward to going out with you.
Learn the concepts of assuming rapport, sending texts that provide value, using callback
humor, and tactics to avoid getting friend-zoned. Discover how to adapt these strategies for effective gay texting scenarios. With tons of live text examples you’ll know exactly how to stage a charm offensive.
How To Text Somebody Who's Ambivalent About You
SMS SOS: Rescuing Your Texts from the Bermuda Triangle of Ambivalence
What To Say On That First Phone Call
Let’s face it, that first phone call is going to be a little awkward. In this section of our gay dating advice guide, I’m going to show you an amazing body language trick that will eliminate all nervousness and make you come across as the friendly, confident stud he’s looking for.
Find out whether you should leave a voicemail or call back if he doesn’t answer, how to start the conversation when he picks up, and how to avoid conversational dead-ends with the concept of “multiple threads.”
There will be lots of dialogue examples so you can see all of these concepts in action. I even
show you how to answer, “What do you do?” in an inventive way. It's part of our series on gay dating rules.
What To Say On Your First Phone Call With Your Crush
Ring-a-Ding-Ding: Slaying Your First Gay Date Call
Post-Date Texting: If It Went Well And You Want Another One
What should your post-date text say? When should you send it? Find out the rules to
post-date texting and what you need to do to ensure a second or third date.
Post-Date Texting: If It Didn’t Go Well But You Want Another Shot
Maybe it was all your fault. You got too drunk. Or you read the signs wrong and got too
handsy at the end. Or you questioned his career choice/religion/reason for living. Bottom line: You blew it but want a second shot. This section is all about redemption gay texting. What do you need to say and how should you say it?
Post-Date Texting: It Didn’t Go Well And You Don’t Want Another--But He Does
Oh, oh. He’s texting you, hinting about the next date and you can’t even think about him
without yawning. What do you do? Turn him down gracefully or turn him into an f-buddy (see our gay hook up tips further down the page). Either way, this section will show you how.
Gay Hookup Advice: Send Naughty Pictures And Turn Texts Into Sex
Learn the “law of reciprocity” and the art of double entendres. You can turn perfectly innocent remarks into perfectly blunt requests and have them honored with relish (hey, it's the art of gay texting). Clear some room in your smartphone for some R and X-rated pictures—you’re going to need it. But more importantly, grab some condoms because you’re going to Pound Town.
Problem-Solving Texts
"How long should I wait to respond?" Striking the perfect balance between eager and cool can feel like defusing a bomb with emojis.
"What if he ghosts me?"
Navigating the eerie silence after a great conversation can feel like a scene from a paranormal investigation show.
"Did I just use too many heart emojis?"
Deciphering the fine line between cute and overkill in emoji usage.
"Should I send another message?"
The anxiety-inducing decision of whether to double text or not, and the fear of looking too desperate.
"He read my message but didn't reply. What now?"
Understanding the cryptic world of read receipts and silence.
"Was that joke too much?"
Gauging the tone of your humor and ensuring it's not misinterpreted.
"What topics are safe and interesting?"
Keeping the conversation flowing without stepping on any conversational landmines.
"Am I flirting enough or too much?"
Finding the sweet spot in flirting without coming on too strong or seeming disinterested.
"Did my sarcasm come off as rude?"
Ensuring your sarcasm is taken as playful banter and not an unintended insult.
"Should I send this picture?"
Deciding when and what types of photos are appropriate to share.
"How to ask where this is going without seeming pushy?"
Finding ways to discuss the status of your interaction tactfully.
"Why are their responses so short?"
Deciphering the meaning behind brief replies and how to engage more deeply.
"How to react to a one-word answer?" Finding ways to continue the conversation when you receive minimal responses.
"Should I mention seeing their social media activity?"
Deciding whether to bring up their online presence in conversation without seeming like you're prying or stalking.
"What if they always change the subject?" Understanding how to handle situations where the other person consistently shifts the conversation away from certain topics.
"How to express genuine concern without sounding nosy?"
Crafting messages that show care and interest without overstepping boundaries.
"Dealing with inconsistent texting patterns?" Adapting to someone who sometimes texts non-stop and then goes silent without explanation.
"How to handle being left on 'seen' frequently?" Managing the frustration of seeing that your message has been read but not responded to.
"What if they use too many emojis?" Interpreting messages that are heavy on emojis and light on actual text.
"How to tell if they're being sarcastic or serious?" Deciphering the tone of a message when it's unclear whether they're joking or not.
"Deciding when to move from texting to calling?"
Figuring out the right time to suggest a phone call or video chat instead of texting.
"How to respond to a message that seems like it was meant for someone else?"
Handling situations where you receive a text that appears to be sent to you by mistake.
"Why aren't they asking me questions?"
Decoding the lack of engagement and figuring out if it's disinterest or just a texting style.
"How to handle different texting speeds?"
Adjusting to someone who texts either too rapidly or too slowly compared to your own pace.
"Is it too early to send a good morning or good night text?"
Gauging the appropriate time to send intimate daily greetings without seeming overbearing.
"What does 'K' really mean?"
Interpreting short, ambiguous responses and understanding their underlying tone.
"Should I apologize for a late reply?"
Deciding when and how to apologize for not responding sooner without sounding overly apologetic.
"How to revive a conversation that's died?" Finding ways to rekindle a conversation that has fizzled out without seeming desperate.
"Why do they only text me late at night?" Understanding the implications of late-night texts and how to address them.
"Is using acronyms making me look uninterested or lazy?" Balancing the use of acronyms and shorthand in texts to maintain a conversational yet respectful tone.
"How to politely decline an invitation without killing the conversation?"
Mastering the art of saying no while keeping the dialogue open and positive.
"What to do when they misinterpret your tone?" Handling situations where your text is misunderstood, and clarifying your intent without escalating the confusion.
Gay Dating Resources
Books
MEET
Have more sex, get more dates, or find a husband with this step-by-
step manual that shows you how to approach, meet and attract
beautiful gay men.
From getting rid of fear of rejection to knowing exactly how to start a conversation, this is the ultimate
gay dating blueprint.
On Amazon
ATTRACT
The only body language guide for gay men. It’s packed with inventive strategies proven to make you more appealing and approachable.
Learn which gestures, postures and expressions attract gay men–all based on peer reviewed studies done by leading psychologists in non-verbal communication.
On Amazon
TEXT
Capture his imagination, stir his curiosity and build attraction with a blend of clever, thoughtful texts.
Get solutions to common problems like what you should say on first texts, how long to wait to respond, dealing with indecisive guys and turning ambivalence into passion.
On Amazon
ARTICLES
BUZZFEED: 5 LGBTQ+ Relationship Experts Share Their Best Dating Advice
This article features insights from six prominent LGBTQ+ relationship experts, including tips on navigating the dating scene, building healthy connections, and setting boundaries. While not exclusively focused on gay men, it offers valuable advice applicable to their specific experiences.
Medium: Red Flags To Watch Out For When You’re Dating Gay Men
Learn red flags to watch out for when gay dating including secretiveness, controlling behavior, different values, dismissiveness, anger issues, and possessiveness.
REDDIT: The Ultimate Guide to Gay Dating
This comprehensive guide delves into the contemporary landscape of gay dating, covering everything from navigating online platforms to crafting compelling profiles and handling first dates.
Gay Life After 40: 5 Tips for Gay Dating in Your 40s
This article offers practical advice for gay men over 40 seeking meaningful connections, addressing concerns like ageism, shifting priorities, and utilizing online platforms effectively.
Little Gay Book: 7 Conversation Starters for Your Next Gay Date
Synopsis: This article provides a handy list of conversation starters specifically tailored for gay men on first dates. It aims to break the ice, encourage genuine communication, and spark interesting discussions.
San Diego News:
7 Ways to Make the Most of Your Gay Dating Profile
This article provides practical tips for crafting a compelling online dating profile that attracts the right kind of attention. It covers aspects like profile pictures, bio writing, and showcasing your interests.
Salon: HOW TO MEET GAY GUYS WITHOUT GRINDR
Offers advice on meeting gay men in various settings that resonate with your values, including community events, parades, and volunteering opportunities, emphasizing the importance of building a supportive network.
Huffpost: GAY DATING ADVICE – 15 PRO TIPS
Focuses on the importance of emotional transparency and self-reliance in dating, explaining how owning your emotions and being independent are crucial for a healthy and balanced relationship.
Gino: Gay Relationship Advice: Tips and Strategies for Healthy Gay Couples
The article provides relationship advice for healthy gay couples from Gino Cosme, an experienced gay therapist. He emphasizes building a strong foundation based on trust, respect, commitment, communication, and compromise. Other tips include embracing self-awareness, overcoming internalized homophobia, actively listening, scheduling quality time, supporting each other's goals, maintaining intimacy, embracing uniqueness, nurturing supportive relationships, and prioritizing sexual health.
PODCASTS
A weekly podcast hosted by Dan Savage, an author, sex-advice columnist, and LGBTQ+ rights activist. The show is an extension of his popular "Savage Love" advice column. In the podcast, Savage offers candid and often humorous advice on sex, relationships, and dating.
Offers candid discussions about gay culture, dating, and relationships, with a focus on personal growth and community issues.
Gay Therapy LA with Ken Howard, LCSW
Ken Howard, a gay therapist, shares his insights on gay men's mental health, dating, and relationships.
This podcast, brought by the Gay Men’s Brotherhood, focuses on personal development, sexuality, and mental health, with a specific emphasis on gay men's experiences in dating and relationships
ADVICE COLUMNISTS
Ask Daddy is a long-running advice column for LGBTQ readers with questions relating to sexuality, morality, coming out, navigating relationships, and more. The column is known for its witty and humorous approach, while still offering insightful and relatable advice.
¡Hola Papi! is an online advice column by John Paul Brammer, offering queer-specific advice to readers around the world. Papi tackles personal questions about love, relationships, sex, identity, and more, with a focus on humor, empathy, and inclusivity.
Savage Love is a syndicated sex advice column by Dan Savage, running for over 30 years. Savage provides frank and often humorous advice on sex, relationships, and more, with a focus on harm reduction and inclusivity. He also hosts a popular podcast called "Savage Lovecast."