How to Let Him Down Gently After Leading Him on

You meet him on a gay dating app and you have dinner. You come back to your place and wouldn't mind a little hanky-panky even though you're not really interested in pursuing anything. So you make out and things are okay.
 
Your hands migrate south and so do his but at the last minute he stands up and says, "I like you too much to make this a hookup. I really think we have a strong connection and I would like to date you more."
 
He takes his leave and you take stock. Now what? How are you can get yourself out of this one? Clearly he wants to date you and just as clearly you don't want to. But in a way, you led him on because you wanted to have sex with them.

In anybody's book, that is a sign of interest. Now you know what's coming next – – the inevitable text as he gets home telling you how handsome you are and how much he can't wait to see you again.
 
How do you tell somebody you're not interested in them when you were the one who led them on?

The first option is silence.

Don't return his texts, at least for a day or so. Silence is a form of communication. Many people believe that that is the kindest way of rejecting somebody. In other words, you give him the dignity of not having to hear "I'm not interested".
 
The problem with this option is that he will think that you either did not get his text or that you're angry at him for something that he could fix and get back on track with. So it simply invites more texts and more unwanted attention. Some people interpret a lack of a rejection as no rejection. i.e. if he hasn't said no, the window is still open.
 
But worse, it simply cruel to leave somebody twisting in the wind like that.  This is one of our moral foundations in our gay dating guide--no cruelty!

The better option is to be direct. Kind but direct.

Here are some examples:
 

"I really enjoyed having dinner but I'm just not interested in pursuing anything with you. Hope we can still say hello to one another when I see you around."

 
That's a bit rough but here's another one:
 

"I'm sorry, but we're just not compatible...your miniscule penis just isn't compatible with my massive, gaping anus."

 
Oops. How did that get in there?
 
The best way is to say something like this:
 

"I truly enjoyed our dinner but I did not feel the romantic connection to move things forward. I hope we can continue the good times as friends."

 
The bottom line is that you are being cruel by ignoring him. Silence is the easy way out--and it contributes to the cynicism so many have about gay dating.

By being direct – – but kind – – you allow him to move on with dignity and self-respect. Honesty, courage, and compassion are in short supply in the world of gay dating. Be a better person and add to the supply.