Tips for Getting Your Number into the Hands of Shy Gay Guys

Why doesn’t he ask for your number?  He chats you up, there’s lots of eye contact, you laughed at the right places, he listened to every word you said, you feel connected, it’s time to go, but, but… He’s not asking for your number!  Why?  Does it mean he’s not attracted to you?

Is he keeping you on the hook to see if anybody better comes along?  While those are definite possibilities (what a playa!) the sad truth is that most of the time he isn’t asking because he’s shy and he doesn’t know how without making himself look like a fool.

Because you’ve probably been harassed by loud, clueless jerks it’s easy to think that men find it easy to ask for another guy’s number.  It’s not.  Psychologists believe that up to 50% of men meet the clinical definition of shyness.  Most of these men are considered “privately shy.” 

Meaning, you can’t tell by their outward appearance that they’re hearts are pounding or that their pits are sweating when they talk to you.  They seem at ease and confident in conversation, but internally they’re a hot mess—filled with self-deprecating dialogue, berating themselves for being inept with you, and constantly questioning whether you really like him. 

These “privately shy” guys do fairly well socially but there’s a ton of negative thoughts going through their heads.  The kind that end with, “He doesn’t like me so there’s no point in asking for his number because he’s going to roll his eyes, give me a big fat NO and I’ll be scarred for life.”

Clearly, you need to give these guys a hand.

Top Five Things You Can Do To Help Him Feel Comfortable Enough To Ask For Your Number.

1. Keep your eyes on his. 

Some guys get as nervous as a lost dog wandering outside a Korean meat packing plant when they’re talking to an attractive guy.  So they start looking away, checking out the surroundings, grateful to rest their eyes on something other than him.  Or they’re not nervous at all, but they want to play hard to get so they start checking out the crowd and disconnecting a little from the conversation. 

This has the unfortunate side effect of making guys think you’re not interested.  That might work if the guy’s name is Bond, James Bond.  But if he’s part of the 50% of men psychologists classify as shy, you’re in for a bail.  He’ll back off or won’t ask for your number and you go home thinking WTF, we were hitting it off so well, why didn’t he close the deal? 

Don’t play hard to get, especially with shy guys.  They have an internal battle within themselves—half of them wants to jump your bones and the other half wants to run like hell because they’re too afraid of rejection.  Eye contact can clear that up right away.  You don’t have to drill holes in his head, just let your eyes linger on him, especially after the conversation takes a natural pause.  That’s an unmistakable signal of interest, and believe me, he needs that signal to summon up his courage.

2.  Get him to look in your eyes. 

It’s one thing to keep your eyes on his, but are his eyes on yours?  Shy guys have a hard time with eye contact, even when they want you more than JFK wanted a car with a roof. There can be no emotional, physical or sexual bonding without eye contact so use the Align, Direct, and Reinforce method to make it happen. Align your eyes and mouth so there’s a direct line to him, and then reinforce eye contact with a smile.  Once you’ve done that, get him to look into your eyes with a secret technique revealed by hidden camera body language studies:  Use your hands to create a visual pathway.

Cameras show that romantically interested guys unconsciously use their hands to create a gaze path to their eyes. Here are a few examples of how you can do it:

Bring your drink up to your mouth and pause before you sip.

Hiding half your face forces his gaze up. Eyes naturally seek out eyes. You’re just giving him a little nudge.

Lean your face into your hands with your index finger pointing up.

If you’re sitting, put your elbow on the table with the palm up. Then lean your face into your hand, with your index finger pointing upward and the rest of your fingers near your mouth. It’s a subtle way of pointing to your

eyes.

Gesture near your eyes.

When you’re telling a story, use lively hand movements close to the height of your eyes. For instance, hold your hands loosely, about chest level, with the bottom three fingers pointing back at yourself. It should feel familiar—you do it whenever you’re having a good time talking to people. 

Once you align and direct, don’t forget to reinforce. Every time you make eye contact, smile or laugh. Remember, your eyes can’t be the windows to your soul if he’s not looking at them.

3.  Touch him when you talk. 

If his hand is on the table or a bar, emphasize your conversation with a light touch.  Poke him lightly or touch his elbow (considered a ‘safe zone’).  The most important thing you can do is graze his hand.  Studies show if a librarian or a waiter grazes your hand when they give you a book, a bill, or change, you’re much likelier to think they’re friendly, helpful and attentive. Waiters, for example, made 22% more tips if they grazed their customer’s hand. So touch lightly and touch often. For example, if his hands are near your drink, graze them lightly as you reach for it. The trick is to do it so subtly he barely notices it.

4.  Get him to touch you. 

Ask him to straighten out a necklace or bracelet.  It requires coming into your intimate zone, where sparks will fly.

5.  Escalate your flirting. 

Men don’t read non-verbal signals very well.  In fact, some are terrible at it, according to communication researchers who study non-verbal courtship signals.  In many cases, subtlety doesn’t work because the guy either doesn’t have the capacity to pick up understated signals of interest or thinks he’s imagining or exaggerating your desire.

This inability to correctly pick up or interpret your interest also explains why you have to deal with so many jerks.  The undesirable guy who won’t leave you alone has the same deficit as the desirable guy who won’t make the next move—an inability to pick up and correctly interpret your cues.  Just like you have to exaggerate your disinterest to the jerks, you have to exaggerate your interest to the desirable guys. 

That doesn’t mean grabbing his crotch, tying a cherry stem into a knot with your tongue or unbuttoning your shirt to your belly button, but it does mean being more purposefully flirty.

For example, use what communication researchers call “Triangulation.”  Eye tracing experiments show there’s a particular gaze pattern guys use when they’re sexually attracted: From one eye to the other, down to the mouth and back up to the eyes, in a sweeping triangular movement. Use it. It’s a powerful sexual signal—an unmistakable sign that you’re looking at him because you’re interested, not because you’re trying to place his name.

Our Final Word

Listen up, all you thirsty singles navigating the treacherous gay dating app scene! Before you drown in a sea of lukewarm "heys", let us throw you a lifeline with some fresher-than-a-mint-mojito gay dating advice.

We see your pleading DMs, begging to know why that cutie from the largest gay dating app hasn't asked for your digits yet. First, delete that tragic message before he sees your desperation, girl! Then read on for tips on slaying the gay texting game with shy homos.

Truth tea: lots dudes are scaredy cats about making moves. That's why you've gotta take charge! Help a shy guy out by oozing confidence his way.

So let's start from the topf

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