How To Hit On A Hottie Without Them Knowing It

The Two Burning Questions He’s Asking When You Make Your Move

This post is part of our series, How To Meet Gay Men.

You can’t simply approach a guy (especially a good-looking guy who gets hit on a lot) with an opener, park yourself in front of him and dig in for a long conversation. If you don’t take into account the two questions Shagability asks himself when a stranger approaches him, you’re going down. And not in the way you were hoping.

1. Are you hitting on me? Since Shagability has not invited you to come over he’s going to assume you want to bend him over the rail and pound the dust out of his rug. That’s cool if he’s into you, but is he? You better give him a reason for talking or your going to find out that rejection has the teeth of a two ton carnivore.

2. How long are you going to be? If he’s not immediately attracted to you, he’ll spend the whole time trying to get rid of you. Why? See point #1. Throughout your whole (attempted) conversation he’ll be thinking, “Am I going to have to pretend I’m late meeting a friend or go to the bathroom so I can get rid of this guy?”

So how does the effective opener get around these two roadblocks?

Tell Him Why You’re Talking to Him.

Openers must be rooted in legitimacy. Give him a non-sexual reason why you’re talking to him. Like:

“Hey, let me get your take on something...”

“Help me settle a bet with a friend...”

“The reason I’m asking is...”

“Help me settle a quick debate...”

Tell Him You’ve Only Got a Minute.

Your goal isn’t to have a long conversation with him. It’s to have a short interaction that makes him want to have a longer one. So, pause to ask him a quick question en route to another part of the bar. It’s a stated time constraint. And it sounds a lot like this:

“I have to get back to my friend in a sec, but I have to ask you…”

“I can only stay for a few minutes because I have to join my friends...”

I’m not saying be willing to walk away. I’m saying walk away. No one has his guard up against somebody who’s leaving. By giving him a rationale for talking and leaving quickly, you’ve set up an exquisite question in Shagability’s mind-- “Was that guy interested or just being friendly?” That’s exactly where you want him: Wondering. Because wondering will make Shagability more receptive to your company, giving you the opportunity to charm the pants off him. And inch him closer to that railing.

Body language is critical to a stated time constraint. You can’t say you’ve only got a minute and then park yourself in front of him with squared shoulders. Turn away slightly as you talk and shift the weight to your back leg as if you’re about to leave. Speak over your shoulder so it looks like you might walk away at any minute.

The stated time constraint is as much for you as it is for him. You really do have to get back to your friends BECAUSE YOU’RE GOING TO BLOW IT IF YOU DON’T.

But wait! If you leave after a minute or two, how are you supposed to form a connection? Why leave once you’ve got his attention? Because, and pay close attention because this is really important…oh, crap, I’ve gotta get back to my friend. See ya in a bit!