20 Rejection-Proof Conversation Openers for Gay Men

Twenty Witty Icebreakers for Memorable Conversations

Want to meet hotter guys? The best conversation openers capture the imagination, stir curiosity, and set the stage for two people to connect. The ones you’re about to read are GUARANTEED to provoke a smile or a conversation. Feel free to use them. Just make sure you can relate to them. If you ask Shagability a question you don’t care about, your energy is going to reflect it and you’re going to drive yourself into a conversational dead end.

We’ll talk more about how you can create an opener that fits your personality in a minute. For now, I want to give you examples of openers that I particularly like, because they fit my sense of humor and my interest in ethical dilemmas.

Every opener must:

Start with a stated, non-sexual reason why you’re talking to him.
Be delivered as a quick question on your way to another part of the room.

So read the following openers knowing that you’ll start with a predicate like “Hey, I need your opinion on something...” or “Hey, my friends and I got into an argument...”

Fun Pop Culture Openers:

If you were going to hire an Elvis impersonator for your friend's birthday party, would you hire a young Elvis or a Fat Elvis? (if he says Young Elvis bust on him for being shallow. If he says Fat Elvis, rib him for being sensationalistic).

Would you sleep with Jesus? Like, okay. It’s the year 25. You’re sitting at a bar in Jerusalem and this dude Jesus walks over and sits down next to you. He orders you a water and turns it into wine. Would you have sex with him? Seriously, would you have a one-night stand with Jesus?

Is khaki a color or a fabric? See, I was thinking it was a color, but the thing is that you never see a khaki car or wallpaper color or anything like that.” So which is it?

Do you think spells work? My friend over there met a guy he wasn’t that interested in but they hung out anyway. When the guy left, my friend found a scroll wrapped in feathers under his couch. He took it to a magic shop and they told him it was an attraction spell. And now, the strange thing is, my friend can't stop thinking of him! Do you think it's the spell or just psychological?

I’ve had this song stuck in my head ALL Day and I can’t remember who sings it: “You spin me right round baby right round like a record player right round, round round. My friend says Paul McCartney but that doesn’t sound right to me.

Hey, do you ever watch The Simpsons? Why has Marge never left Homer? I mean she’s a sexy bitch and he’s a deadbeat who fucks up all the time.

My friend over there was called by the Maury Povich show about a special they’re doing on secret admirers. Should he do it? What if it’s a woman? Should he pretend he’s interested? Would you do it?

My neighbor just bought two dogs, and she wants to name them after an eighties pop duo. She didn’t like Milli Vanilli but I can’t think of anything else. Help me out!

Valuable Information Openers

Spritz a different cologne on each wrist. Ask guys to choose a favorite. It’s actually a great way to pick the best scent for you! Or, hell, use it as entertainment. As in, “Can you pick the cheap scent from the expensive one?”

Do you look better with your glasses on or off? Conduct a poll. “I can’t decide whether I should get contacts or glasses. Do I look better with (put glasses on) or without (take them off)? Give it an extra whirl by asking guys to decide between two pairs of glasses. As in, “Do I look better in these (put on the first pair) or these (try the second pair)?

Gay Openers:

I’ve gotta come up with three ways to tell if a masculine guy is gay, but get this--it can’t include whether he looks at other guys. So I’m thinking, #1 How comfortable is he with women? Cuz gay guys are a lot more comfortable around women than straight guys. #2 How does he hug other guys? Straight guys don’t touch belt buckles; gay guys do. But what’s #3?!!!

Hey, quick survey--do you think you can tell if somebody’s gay by the length of their ring finger? Because scientists think so. Apparently, if the length of your ring finger is about even with your index finger, YOU’RE GAY. And if your ring finger is longer than your index finger, YOU’RE STRAIGHT. Look! (hold up your hand and show him). [Note: The ring finger phenomenon is accepted scientific fact. Studies have shown a strong correlation between homosexuality and finger length. In gay men, the ring finger is about as long as the index finger. In straight men, the ring finger is noticeably longer than the index finger.]

Anyway, Shagability will most likely raise his hand and look. This is where you can have some fun. If his fingers are about even say something like, “Ha! They’re right!” If his ring finger is longer (like straight guys) say something like, “Boy, are you in the wrong bar.”

Which of these is the funniest drag queen name? Lois Carmen Denominator, Hedda Lettuce or Summer Clearance?

My friend’s having an affair with a married guy and doesn’t think it’s cheating because the guy’s married to a woman. Is he right?

Is it ethical for a straight guy to play gay to get women? I’ve got a friend who cruises gay bars for women! Do you think it’s wrong?

Personal Quandaries

Do I look like a drug dealer? Because I was outside and two different guys came up to me, touched me on the shoulder like this and asked, “hey man, you got some E?”

Do I look like a smoker? Because I’ve had three people come up to me and try to bum a cigarette off me. Not just any brand, but Virginia Slims!

Is it better to brush before you floss or floss before you brush?

Ethical Dilemma Openers:

My friend was at a restaurant with some friends flirting with this really hot waiter. He was this close to getting his phone number but he didn’t because he thought he might be working him for a bigger tip. So, it’s time to pay and he put the bill on his card, figuring maybe next time he’s there he’d get the waiter’s number. Well, two days later the waiter friends him on Facebook, saying how cool it was to meet him! He clearly copied my friend’s name off the credit card and looked him up. He doesn’t know how to respond because like, is this a genuine shout out or a major STALKER move?

A friend’s best friend just died, and his boyfriend started hitting on him. How long should he wait before he starts dating him? Six months, really? Because the best friend’s boyfriend started hitting on him after the funeral, and guess what happened yesterday? He received a FedEx package with the guy’s UNDERWEAR! I mean, that’s too much, no? What should my friend do? I just cannot imagine my best friend looking at me from above saying… ‘and that was my best friend’ …