How To Make Yourself More Approachable

How To Get Gay Hotties To Approach YOU Instead of The Other Way Around

Have you ever wondered why some guys get hit on like a nail at a hammer convention while you sit there feeling like a screw? If you’re like most gay guys, you think getting approached is a passive affair—that as long as you’re looking good and reasonably friendly, the rest is up to God, Grey Goose and the glow of the light.

That’s how women do it, right? They get dolled up and wait to get “picked” by a guy. Well, here’s a statistic that’ll shock you: women start 90% of all encounters between heterosexual couples. Research psychologists note that men may be the ones who physically do the approaching, but it’s women who do the signaling that brings them over.

And that’s what you need to work on—your signaling.

Phase 1: Eye Talk

It starts with what psychologists call an “Eyebrow Flash.” You see Shagability. Your eyebrows rise and with it your eyelids, letting more light in and making your eyes bigger, brighter and more attractive. And get this, your pupils dilate!

An eyebrow flash is followed by a longer-than-usual gaze—no more than three seconds. It’s a subconscious sign of sexual attraction, but you can make it nearly imperceptible. Which presents a problem. If you can’t remember the last time you were approached by somebody you were attracted to, ask yourself, “Am I looking back when he tries to catch my eye? Do I try to hold his gaze for a second or two?”

I was at a bar recently with a friend who complained that nobody ever approached him. Suddenly, this handsome guy walked by and gave him a subtle eyebrow flash. I couldn’t believe my friend’s reaction. “Freeze!” I whispered to him. “Where are you looking? Away from him. Where are your arms? Crossed. What’s your posture? My back’s to him.”

Is this you? Complaining that nobody approaches you and then making it impossible for them to do it? There’s only one way to find out—Freeze! And take inventory. Which brings us to an important question:Him and

What’s the best way to respond to a glance? The research is clear: Hold his gaze for a second or two and… now this is important…Avert your eyes downward before you glance at him again. Do NOT glance away or to the side—it’ll make him think you glanced back by mistake or worse, that there’s someone better to look at.

Averting your eyes is a sensual but subconscious way of playing Peek-a-boo. When you look downward you “hide” your eyes, and when you look up you reveal them, creating a sexual tension/release coil.

We play adult peek-a-boo in creative ways—peeking over a book or a newspaper or stealing a glance and then using our hair to hide our eyes. That’s why so many guys like Halloween or costume parties—they can play cat and mouse games with masks that can be taken on and off, alternately hiding and revealing their eyes.

Phase 2: Use Your Body To Catch His Eye.

You gave him an eyebrow flash and an extended gaze but he never looked back. Bastard! Now what?

Let’s be brutally honest—Shagability most likely didn’t look because he didn’t like. Should you give up? No. While disinterest is the likely reason, it isn’t the only one. Sometimes guys don’t look because they simply haven’t noticed you. They’re having too much fun with their friends, they’re distracted with a personal issue, or they came out to have fun, not to necessarily meet somebody (I know, I hate them, too). If that’s the case (and don’t kid yourself, it often is), up your odds by paying attention to the following:

• Don’t Slouch. Your mother was right. It’s bad for your posture. What she didn’t tell you is that it’s also bad for picking up guys. Studies show that people who hold their head up are more likely to be looked at. People who slouch are not. In fact, people slouch for a reason--they don’t want to be noticed. Guys associate balanced posture (chin up, shoulders slightly back) with a fun, relaxed, and confident attitude.

• Plump up your lips. Full, moist lips make men pay attention because it reminds them of sex (the volume of your lips increase when you’re sexually aroused. Blood flow makes them engorge, increasing sensitivity and the desire to kiss and be kissed). Showcase your lips with frequent applications of lip balm and make sure to wet them (when he’s not looking, please!).

• Don’t Wear Tight Clothes. There’s a difference between form fitting and trying too hard. Research shows men are far more attracted to clothes that invoke the imagination, that “suggest” you have a good body. There’s a difference between luring him in closer, and mashing his face against the window.

• Wear Jewelry. Especially pendants because they set off your neck (a hot zone for men) and draws attention to your man-cleavage.

• Use Your Hands to Set off Your Assets. Put a hand in the back pocket of your jeans. (This is the only time you’re allowed to hide your palm!) It’ll set off the roundness of your butt (it is round, yes?). Essentially, you want him to go from thinking, “Your nice, but…” to “Your nice butt.”

• Wear nice shoes. No, really. Men generally scan from the ground up—from feet, legs, crotch, torso, chest, shoulders and face. Have an imaginary conversation with Shagability and hear yourself say, “We need to talk, but first, do you like my shoes?”

Phase 3: He Looked, But That’s All.

Oh, my God, he looked, he looked! But he’s not coming over. Why?

Studies show that men need at least three instances of eye contact before they’ll gather the courage to approach (they’re just as nervous as you are and want to make sure they didn’t ‘imagine’ your glance or misinterpret it). Especially if they’re shy. So help him out. Use this technique to make your look an unmistakable invitation to come over:

Triangulate. Eye tracing experiments show there’s a particular gaze pattern men use when they’re sexually attracted: From one eye to the other, down to the mouth and back up to the eyes, in a sweeping triangular movement. Use it. It’s a powerful sexual signal-- an unmistakable sign that you’re looking at him because you’re interested, not because you’re trying to place his name.

Okay, you’ve flashed, glanced and triangulated and you got zip, nada, nothing. Now what? Stay tuned to next week's post as we continue our series.