Smashing The Lies About Rejection That Keep You Paralyzed
The Three Big Gay Lies That Keep Your Fear of Rejection Alive
Big Gay Lie #1: The guy you want to meet Will Always Look At You
If He’s Interested.
If they don’t send a signal, don’t bother. We’re men; we know what we want and we’re not afraid of showing it. If we’re not looking we’re not interested.
Big Gay Lie #2: The Guy You Want To Meet Is Either Attracted To
You Or He’s Not.
You’re in or out. End of story. It’s black and white. We’re not chicks--we don’t try to “find out” if we’re interested, we just know.
Big Gay Lie #3: Men Are Beauty Nazis.
If you don’t have the look, you don’t stand a chance. There are A-Gays and everyone else. If you’re a B, or God forbid, a C-gay, good luck.
Now, let’s get real. There’s a lot of truth to these generalizations. Most gay men look if they’re interested. Most have yes/no attraction switches. And most of us tend to have an unrealistic standard of beauty.
But the key word is most. And the mathematical number that makes most a reality is 51%. That means that up to 49% of men do not fit into these categories.
Let’s take a closer look:
Big Gay Lie #1: Shagability Will Always Look At You If He’s Interested.
Not true. There are lots of good reasons why he wouldn’t:
- He doesn’t know he’s not interested. He hasn’t noticed you.
- He’s shy. It’s not his style.
- He’s not sure about you and doesn’t want to take the chance of a direct gaze.
- He’s got a lot on his mind. He isn’t looking at anybody.
- He wants to party with his friends. He’s not in the mood to meet anybody new.
- He’s interested but he doesn’t want you to know it.
- He’s interested but he doesn’t want his friends to know it.
- He’s interested but he doesn’t want his boyfriend to know it. (!)
- He’s interested but he doesn’t want to come on too strong.
- He’s interested but he doesn’t think you are.
- He’s interested but it’s so subtle you’re not picking up on it.
- He’s interested but he thinks you wouldn’t be, so he doesn’t show it.
It’s true, most guys will look if they’re interested. I know I do. But I’m always amazed at how many don’t. Unless you’re in a cruisy bar, most guys
don’t broadcast their desires. Often, the more a guy is into you, the cooler he tends to play it. Which sets up a
dating Catch-22: If the guys attracted to you act like the guys who aren’t, how are you supposed to tell the difference? Keep reading.
Let’s tackle the second generalization:
Big Gay Lie #2: Shagability is Either Attracted To You Or he’s Not.
Maybe. But how many times have you looked at a guy and thought,
“Hmm, am I attracted to him? Maybe, kinda, sort of.”
And he’ll never know it because you won’t
let him know it, right? Otherwise he might come over and oh, dear, you’d be stuck talking to a guy that you turned out not to like. By the way, one of the longest relationships I ever had started out with a weak attraction.
You’ve probably also had another universal experience: Having an ambivalent attraction bloom into full-throated desire simply because you got to know a guy better. That’s what this plan is about--getting guys you never thought you had a chance with to actually give you that chance.
Big Gay Lie #3: Shagability Is A Beauty Nazi.
I’m not going to sit here and say you’ve got a good shot at a “10” when you’re a “2.” You don’t. But that doesn’t mean you can’t date guys out of your league. It’s not unusual for “5s” date “9’s” once they’ve applied everything they’ve learned in this report. I know because I’ve coached them.
Summary
- Reframe Shagability from a goal to a portal and you will substantially eliminate your fear of rejection. This turns the emotional charge of a possible interaction from negative to positive.
- Visualize a portal whenever you see Shagability across the room.
- There’s a lot more opportunity to meet attractive guys once you destroy the Big Gay Lies: 1) Just because Shagability doesn’t look doesn’t mean he’s not interested. 2) His level of attraction toward you isn’t fixed--it can be ignited with a good experience. 3) With the right social skills, you can date out of your league.
Now that we’ve made a substantial shift in your thinking, let’s get you some confidence. Stay tuned for our next series of posts that will cultivate rock star confidence so you can approach anybody anywhere.
Or if you want to get a head start grab your copy of Meet Hotter Gay Guys. The 21 Day Plan To Overcome Your Fear of Rejection, Master the Art of Icebreakers and Snag Guys You Never Thought You Could Get.
Because hey, that's where we are stealing all our ideas :-)
