Subtle Signs that You're Sending the Wrong Message

You may think you’re doing everything right with the guy you're interested in until you look down and see that you’re...Folding your arms against your chest. That's the very worst of the arm crosses—you might as well stick the porn in right now for all the luck you’re going to have bringing somebody home.

In our guide, How To Meet Gay Men you'll learn how to avoid dating kryptonite like...

Holding yourself in a Double Arm Grip.

It’s a form of self-hugging that screams insecurity. If you’re looking for a well, this is your poison.

Holding Your Hands Behind Your Back.

Psychologists see this position as a subconscious sign of fearlessness because you’re exposing your stomach, heart, crotch and throat, making them vulnerable.

It’s actually a good position to take in high stress situations like a job interview but as an invitation to approach? Not so much. Why? Look at your palms. Where are they?

Gripping a wrist behind your back.

It signifies frustration, an attempt at self-control, almost as if you’re stopping yourself from assaulting somebody.

Gripping Your Upper Arm.

Not pretty. It’s a sign you’re frustrated or angry. In fact, reports show that the higher the handgrip, the more frustrated or angry the person is. That’s actually how the saying, “Get a grip on yourself” got started.

There’s an easy way to break this position. Ask yourself, “Would I approach somebody who needs to get a grip on himself?”

Standing with your hands in your pocket.

Do not hide your palms. It doesn’t just say I don’t trust you, it says “don’t trust me.”

Standing with your hands in your pocket, but with the thumbs out.

It’s better than hiding your hands completely but beware the subconscious subtext. Thumbs are associated with superiority, dominance and imperiousness. In Rome, the thumbs down sign meant death, and it still holds a subtle “I get to decide whether you live or die” tinge today.

When you say something like “hit the road, Jack” it’s the thumb you usually point with. Try pointing to somebody with your thumb and see their reaction. It won’t be pretty.

Using a Partial Arm Cross.

One arm swings across the body to hold or touch the other arm or shoulder. It’s so infantilizing you might as well stick your thumb in your mouth.

Holding Hands with Yourself.

Guys tend to use this when they’re waiting to be introduced at a public function. It’s a form of having your hand held. It's not bad, but only in the way that small roadkill isn’t as bad for your car as big ones.

But I feel comfortable when I cross my arms, you say! Of course you do! Folding your arms feels natural when you’re anxious, nervous, angry or insecure. Have you ever crossed your arms when you were happy? No. So, uncross them. In a few minutes, your mood will change.

Bottom Line: Keep your body open.

The subtlest arm crossing will make a guy think twice about approaching you. Even holding a cocktail with two hands. Yes, some forms of closed body language are worse than others, but there’s only one meaning to “Stay Away” and it doesn’t change on the basis of a whisper or a scream.

You don’t have to cross your arms to keep guys away. You can do it by raising your arms. Watch. Clasp your hands behind your head and lean back. What’s the feeling? Arrogance, like you’re full of yourself.

Would you approach somebody who takes a bow when he hears thunder? Of course not. Now watch this: Put those same clasped hands on top of your head. The impression? Friendly, accessible.

Would you approach somebody who looks like a lot of fun? Of course! The same gesture, inches apart, can mean the difference between getting approached and being passed over. As we all know, a few inches go a long way.

Okay, now that you know what not to do, what should you do?

Open your “Territory Line.”

When you’re talking to your friends, create a V-shaped corridor from your chest to your hands. It’s a subtle way of drawing in anybody who’s interested because it creates an invisible path from the widest space between your arms to a single point in your chest.

Try it in the mirror. Make a V with your arms over your head. Now lower your arms to chest level. There. As you talk, make loose gestures while keeping your arms in a general V-shape (with elbows in or out, with fingers curved or straight or forearms coming in and out).

You know those guys that get hit on like a lab rat whacking the heroin lever? That’s what they do.