Flirting Can Be Harmless...Or a Dress Rehearsal For Cheating

If you're going to flirt when you’re in a committed relationship, do it for the right reasons, like getting a free drink.

Flirting can range from innocent banter to full-blown sexting and more. So, the question of whether it's cheating depends on the context.

Let me give you an example. If you're in a committed relationship and you flirt with a bartender for a free drink, that's not cheating. That's just good old-fashioned bribery. But, if you're in a committed relationship and you're texting your ex with flirty messages, well, that's a different story.

The key factor here is intent. Flirting with someone for your own personal gain is not cheating, but flirting with someone because you're looking for a romantic or sexual connection is a breach of trust in a committed relationship.

Now, let's address the elephant in the room. Some people believe that flirting is harmless and that it's just a way to boost their ego. 

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They argue that it doesn't mean anything and that it's not a big deal. But the truth is, flirting can have consequences, and it can lead to more serious actions.

Imagine you're at a party, and you start flirting with someone. You're having fun, and you're enjoying the attention. But as the night goes on, the flirting becomes more intense, and before you know it, you're making out in the corner. That's when you've crossed the line.

The problem with flirting is that it's a slippery slope. It's easy to get caught up in the moment and not realize the impact it can have on your relationship.

In the gay world, every guy looks at other guys –I don’t care how in love they are. You achieve monogamy through discipline, not mind-control; through resisting actions not thoughts. 

My God, if I were judged by my thoughts I’d have been shot more times than a black man innocently bumping into white cops.

Feeling that you cheated on your boyfriend because you flirted with guys is like saying you cheated on your diet because you smelled some sausages. 

Just like smelling something delicious won’t ruin your diet, flirting with guys won’t ruin your relationship. Though I have to say, it depends on what you mean by flirting.

I think the first thing you need to do is get a sense of proportion about what constitutes cheating. Here’s an index I built for a seminar I led about monogamy:

You notice a hot guy and think, “I’d do him.”

Cheat O’Meter: Oh, puh-leeze

* You notice a hot guy and think, “I’d do him in front of my grandmother.”

Cheat O’Meter: Pffft! 

* Hot guys are hitting on you, clearly flirting, and you rationalize your participation with the knowledge that they initiated it and you’re simply responding.

Cheat O’Meter: Welcome to the Isle of Denial. Gay attraction division.

* You meet gay men, flirt with hot guys, initiating the conversation, chatting them up but you don’t do anything even though you’re chewing through the leather straps your brain has put on your crotch.

Cheat O’Meter: The line hasn’t been crossed but you’re wiggling it.

* You get handsy with them, talking trash, but it stops there:

Cheat O’Meter: You’re stepping on the line.

* You kiss them, tell them how you’re going to make them hear colors, but it doesn’t go any further.

Cheat O’Meter: The line is suffocating under your weight.

* You do them

Cheat O’Meter: You crossed the line and it’s having a cigarette.

* You do them in front of your grandmother

Cheat O’Meter: The neighbors have a cigarette.

* He’s so hot your grandmother joins you.

Cheat O’Meter: Your boyfriend elbows your grandmother aside.