How To Deal With Your Own Cynicism About Dating

Dear 100footer:

I find myself completely turned off by the dating scene. Me, the open, confident, vivacious gay man who was once the life of the party at every local LGBTQ+ joint.

My dating apps? Abandoned.

My favorite haunts? I don’t even remember what they look like anymore.

My social circle, which used to resemble an episode of Queer Eye - colorful and dynamic, has morphed into a Golden Girls rerun - comfy but predictable.

I've gone from being adventurous and explorative to feeling like I'm stuck in a rut. The thrill of meeting new people, the butterflies, the anticipation...all of that seems to have vanished. The thing is, I've started to believe that dating has never added anything positive to my life. Cynical, I know.

Here's where I need your help. How do I combat this cynicism that's taken over me? How do I find the enthusiasm to dive back into the dating pool?

I don't want to force myself into situations where I don't feel comfortable, but I also don't want to miss out on the chance to meet someone special.

I’m sure I'm not the only one out there experiencing this, so any advice would be appreciated. This guy needs a little nudge back into the world of romance. Thanks a ton!

--The Cynic

Dear Cynic:

The first thing is to take inventory. The only common denominator in your dating failures is you.

Yes maybe people were cruel, maybe people ditched you or don't pay attention to you for a variety of reasons, but you are the common thread. Take some responsibility.

It's far more valuable to ask yourself, "What role have I played in my dating failures?" than to point the blame at someone else and have three fingers pointing back at you.

Another thing is to stop asking the question that bedevils most single gay guys: "Why can't I find quality guys to date?" The better question to ask is, "Am I a quality guy to date?"

You do not have the power to change other people but you do have the power to change yourself.

You don't have to be positive Pollyanna but you do have to ditch the cynicism if you want to move forward. Most guys at a gay bar, upon meeting a cutie, might ask, "Can I buy you a drink?" But if you find yourself turning the question into, "Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?" then you know you have a little work to do on your cynicism.

Cynicism repels decent guys. Take inventory and make sure you're not spraying your own personal brand of repellent on the guys you're attracted to.