Breaking the Ice with Prince Charming

 It's time to retire those dusty old pick-up lines and inject some much-needed wit into your dating dialogues. Last week, in our post 50 conversation starters we showed you icebreakers more memorable than your last haircut.  Here's 20 of them to refresh your memory. Following that we have more advice, like how to approach Prince Charming if he's in a group. It's all part of our series, How To Meet Gay Men and How to Find a Boyfriend.

1. Elvis Has Entered the Chat

"Would you go for Young Elvis or Fat Elvis at your birthday bash?" This isn't just an icebreaker; it's a personality test wrapped in a sequined jumpsuit.

2. Biblical Booty Calls

"Imagine Jesus turns water into wine on your bar stool and gives you *that* look. Do you make your move?" Blasphemy or brilliance? You decide.

3. The Great Khaki Debate

"Is khaki a color or a fabric?" Watch as existential crises unfold over a pair of pants.

4. Spellbound or Psychologically Tricked?

"My buddy found a love spell and now can't stop thinking about his date. Magic or mind games?" Who knew feathers and parchment could be so powerful?

5. Spin Me Right Round, Baby

"Who sings this? ‘You spin me right round, baby…’ and no, it's not Paul McCartney." Spoiler alert: It's not The Beatles.

6. Marge and Homer's Mystery

"Why has Marge never left Homer?" The answer might unlock the secret to eternal love (or tolerance).

7. Maury's Calling

"My friend's been summoned for a 'Secret Admirers' special on Maury. Should he go?" Bonus points if it's a long-lost gym crush.

8. 80s Pop Duo Dog Names

"Help me name two dogs after an 80s pop duo. And no, not Milli Vanilli." Because every pet deserves a name with a backstory.

9. Scent-sational Choices

"Which cologne? Left wrist or right?" It's a smell-o-vision experience in the making.

10. The Glasses or Contacts Conundrum

"Do I look smarter with or without glasses?" Get ready for some eye-opening opinions.

11. The Masculine Gaydar Test

"Three ways to spot a gay guy without him checking out other dudes. Go!" It's like a game show, but everyone's a winner.

12. The Finger Length Myth

"Is your ring finger longer than your index finger? Apparently, it means you're straight." Science or silliness? Let's find out.

13. Drag Queen Name Game

"Which drag queen name wins: Lois Carmen Denominator, Hedda Lettuce, or Summer Clearance?" It's a runway battle in name form.

14. Affairs with Married Men

"Is it still cheating if the guy's married... to a woman?" Cue the moral compass spinning out of control.

15. Straight Guys in Gay Bars

"Is it wrong for straight guys to pretend they're gay to meet women?" It's a sneaky strategy, but is it genius or just plain deceitful?

16. The Drug Dealer Doppelgänger

"Do I look like a drug dealer?" Why yes, those baggy pants might be sending the wrong signals.

17. The Smoker's Mirage

"Do I emit a 'can I bum a cigarette' vibe?" Maybe it's time to rethink that leather jacket.

18. Brushing vs. Flossing First

"The eternal question: Brush first or floss?" It's a dental debate for the ages.

19. The Waiter Facebook Stalker

"A waiter friended my friend on Facebook after seeing his name on a credit card. Creepy or cute?" Modern romance or modern stalking?

20. Post-Funeral Romance Timing

"How soon is too soon to date your deceased best friend's boyfriend?" Bonus points if he sent you his underwear by FedEx.

Nine Must-Know Tips For Kick-Butt Openers

1.  Memorize them.

An IBM study revealed that the first few seconds of a presentation produce the most anxiety.   Minds are likeliest to go blank at the beginning of a talk, so they instituted a new rule for their sales people—memorize the beginning.   

So, guess what?  You need to memorize your openers.   Otherwise, I guarantee you a big fat dose of approach anxiety.  When you’re certain about what you’re going to say and how to say it, anxiety melts away.  Now, memorizing your openers may seem weird or contrived but listen to what #1 New York Times best selling author Keith Ferrazzi said about planning for a relationship: 

“Just because it’s intentional doesn’t mean it’s insincere.”

Memorizing your opener is planning for a relationship.  It’s intentional AND sincere.

2.  Don’t milk it.   If the energy dissipates after the opener or if you’re thinking too hard about what to say next, change the subject.  Propping up a dying conversation is like saying, “How about some dick?”

3.  Smile.  Not just because it’s the second best thing you can do with your lips, but because it’s crucial to setting the tone for your interaction.   A smile is the canary in the amusement mine.  Guys see it as a sign that there’s fun in them thar hills.  Don’t feel like smiling?  Fake it.  Studies show that smiling actually causes other people to smile back--even when they don’t know you. 

3.  Raise your energy level:  Come in with a SLIGHTLY higher energy level.  Too much is annoying and too little is boring.  How do you increase your energy level?  Talk louder, use gestures, connect by smiling with your mouth AND your eyes.

4.  Don’t Stare Before You Open.  It’s creepy.  Worse, you won’t look fun or interesting.  Besides, even if you look away in time, the second guy you’re interested in will see your stare-fest and take note. 

5.  Never Mention His Looks.  If you’re going to compliment him, do it on his poise, his style or his energy.  Notice things about him that other people don’t because they’re too mesmerized by his beauty. 

6.  Avoid Yes/No Questions.  Like, “Can I ask you a quick question?”  What if he says no?  And never begin by saying, “I’m sorry, excuse me or pardon me.”  It makes you sound insecure or worse, like a panhandler.   Stick with observations like, “You look like an expert on ____,”  “Let me ask you...” or the standard “roots” I listed above like, “Help me settle a bet with a friend…” or “I’m asking you because…” 

7.  Never Excuse Yourself.  Avoid uttering courtesies appropriate for other settings, like “Excuse me”, “Pardon me” or “I’m sorry.”  Even if it’s to deliver a proper compliment (“Excuse me, just wanted to say I like your shirt”).  Confident people never apologize for their presence.

8.  Don’t be sarcastic.  Sarcasm creates bonds but not attractions.   The quickest way to send him into the friends zone is to be sarcastic.

9.  Don’t Look “Cool.”   Look warm.  As in friendly.  Trying to look cool just makes you look bored.  Or worse, boring. 

What If He’s In A Group?

Perfect.  You can win over his friends and make him like you even more.   Let’s say he’s standing in a group of three people.   Open one of the guys you’re NOT interested in.  In fact, ignore Shagability.  At least, initially.  It’ll make him wonder why you’re not directing your attention to him and in some cases prompt him to actually seek your attention (no good-looking guy wants to be shown up by his lesser looking friends). 

You:  “Hey guys, you look like experts, I need your opinion.” 

[Use the Milli Vanilli opener.  Then the time constraint].  As you take a step away, look back at the group and say...

“I’m curious, how do you all know one another?”   

Them:  “Oh, we’re just good friends”

You:  “I could totally tell.  Here, let me give you two the best friends test:  Do you both use the same shampoo?” 

[They’ll look to each other for the answer.  Cut them off before they say anything]

You:  “You already passed.”

Them:  “But we don’t use the same shampoo!”

You:  Yeah, but you both looked at each other before you answered.  See, if you didn’t know each other well, you’d keep eye contact with me.  But when two people have a connection they look at each other first.  See, you’re doing it right now. 

Hey, I gotta go meet some friends upstairs.  Great meeting you!

Opening a group is the same as opening a guy who’s standing alone.  Just make sure you involve everyone in the conversation.  If you open with an ethical dilemma make sure you get everyone’s take. 

Summary

• Don’t seek rapport; assume it.  Act as if you know him and speak in statement form.

• Avoid pickup lines.  They’re conversational Ebola.

• You must answer two questions before you deliver the opener:  “Are you hitting me on me?” and “How long are you going to be?”  First, give a reason for talking (“settle a debate”) and then state a time constraint (“I’ve only got a sec”).

• Pick openers that resonate with you.

• Nine must-know tips:  Memorize the opener, SMILE, raise your energy, don’t stare or mention his looks, avoid yes/no questions, never ‘excuse’ yourself, no sarcasm and be warm and friendly.