How to Make the First Move On A Hottie

An IBM study revealed that the first few seconds of a presentation produce the most anxiety.  Minds are likeliest to go blank at the beginning of a talk, so they instituted a new rule for their sales people—memorize the beginning. 

So, guess what? You want to meet gay men? You need to memorize what you want to say in the first few seconds.  Otherwise, I guarantee you a big fat dose of approach anxiety. When you’re certain about what you’re going to say and how to say it, anxiety melts away. 

It'll also help you avoid conversational dead-ends, which can friend-zone you faster than you can say "my place or yours."

Now, memorizing your openers may seem weird or contrived but listen to what #1 New York Times best selling author Keith Ferrazzi said about planning for a relationship: 

“Just because it’s intentional doesn’t mean it’s insincere.”

Memorizing your opener is planning for a relationship. It’s intentional AND sincere. Here are a few other tips for approaching guys in conversation.

Don’t milk it. 

If the energy dissipates after the opener or if you’re thinking too hard about what to say next, change the subject. Propping up a dying conversation is like saying, “How about some dick?”

Smile. 

Not just because it’s the second best thing you can do with your lips, but because it’s crucial to setting the tone for your interaction.  A smile is the canary in the amusement mine. Guys see it as a sign that there’s fun in them thar hills. Don’t feel like smiling? Fake it. Studies show that smiling actually causes other people to smile back--even when they don’t know you. 

Raise your energy level

Come in with a SLIGHTLY higher energy level. Too much is annoying and too little is boring. How do you increase your energy level? Talk louder, use gestures, connect by smiling with your mouth AND your eyes.

Don’t Stare Before You Approach Him. 

It’s creepy. Worse, you won’t look fun or interesting. Besides, even if you look away in time, the second guy you’re interested in will see your stare-fest and take note. 

Never Mention His Looks. 

If you’re going to compliment him, do it on his poise, his style or his energy. Notice things about him that other people don’t because they’re too mesmerized by his beauty. 

Avoid Yes/No Questions. 

Like, “Can I ask you a quick question?” What if he says no? And never begin by saying, “I’m sorry, excuse me or pardon me.” It makes you sound insecure or worse, like a panhandler.  Stick with observations like, “You look like an expert on ____,” “Let me ask you...” or the standard “roots” I listed above like, “Help me settle a bet with a friend…” or “I’m asking you because…” 

Never Excuse Yourself.

Avoid uttering courtesies appropriate for other settings, like “Excuse me”, “Pardon me” or “I’m sorry.” Even if it’s to deliver a proper compliment (“Excuse me, just wanted to say I like your shirt”). Confident people never apologize for their presence.

Don’t be sarcastic. 

Sarcasm creates bonds but not attractions.  The quickest way to send him into the friends zone is to be sarcastic.

Don’t Look “Cool.” 

Look warm. As in friendly. Trying to look cool just makes you look bored. Or worse, boring. 

What If He’s In A Group?

Perfect. You can win over his friends and make him like you even more.  Let’s say he’s standing in a group of three people.  Open one of the guys you’re NOT interested in. In fact, ignore Shagability. At least, initially. It’ll make him wonder why you’re not directing your attention to him and in some cases prompt him to actually seek your attention (no good-looking guy wants to be shown up by his lesser looking friends). 

You: “Hey guys, you look like experts, I need your opinion.” 

[Say something silly like, "I'm thinking of naming my two new puppies Ping and Pong. What do you think?"]. As you take a step away, look back at the group and say...

“I’m curious, how do you all know one another?” 

Them: “Oh, we’re just good friends”

You: “I could totally tell. Here, let me give you two the best friends test: Do you both use the same shampoo?” 

[They’ll look to each other for the answer. Cut them off before they say anything]

You: “You already passed.”

Them: “But we don’t use the same shampoo!”

You: Yeah, but you both looked at each other before you answered. See, if you didn’t know each other well, you’d keep eye contact with me. But when two people have a connection they look at each other first. See, you’re doing it right now.