I was invited by an HIV support group to moderate the Q&A portion of an AIDS fundraiser this weekend. With 200 people there to see the documentary Sex Positive (about an S&M hustler in the 80's who practically invented the concept of safe sex), my co-host (drag queen extraordinaire, Bubba D. Liscious) and I took to the microphones.
I started out by asking the panel onstage if there was any room for humor when we talked about HIV and safe sex. My "joke" was actually something a reader to my sex advice column had written to me.
He had recently been
infected with HIV and was struggling with a way to disclose the information to potential partners without freaking them out. He decided the best way to broach the subject was to tell this joke, which I told the audience:
“Two hydrogen atoms meet in a bar. One says, "I can't go home with you because I've lost my electron."
The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive."
Half the room exploded with laughter. The other half glared at me. I addressed the panel and said, "My point, and I do have one, is that laughter is the Vaseline that makes ideas penetrate better, yet I never see the subject ever treated with humor. Is there room for funny in tragedy?”
At the after-party some people said it was exactly what the room needed after such a heavy documentary. Other people registered their displeasure, telling me that I had insulted innocent victims of the infection who were sitting in the audience.
This got me thinking…
This is a delicate question that requires careful consideration. On the one hand, comedy has the power to relieve stress and provide a moment of levity in otherwise challenging situations.
On the other hand, it is important to be mindful of the potential harm that can result from making light of a serious illness. So how can one navigate this complex terrain?
One way to approach this issue is to use what ethicist S. Matthew Liao calls "humorous affirmation." This involves using humor to acknowledge the challenges of a particular condition while affirming the dignity and worth of those who are living with it.
Comedians who are skilled at this type of humor can use their platform to bring attention to important issues related to a particular disease, while also providing a moment of laughter for their audience.
Here are three examples of comedians who have used humorous affirmation to joke about a disease without making fun of people who have it:
In 2012, comedian Tig Notaro was diagnosed with stage II breast cancer. She used her stand-up routine to discuss her experience with the disease, including the challenges of treatment and the emotional toll it took on her.
Notaro's humor was both honest and heartfelt, allowing her to connect with her audience while also acknowledging the seriousness of her condition. She also used her platform to raise awareness about breast cancer and the importance of early detection. In her own words:
"I don't have a good sense of humor about it, but I also don't want to not laugh for the rest of my life. It's just an interesting balance."
In a segment on his show Last Week Tonight, comedian John Oliver discussed the challenges of living with chronic illness. Oliver has a condition called alopecia, which causes hair loss.
He used his platform to discuss the difficulties of navigating a world that often places a high value on physical appearance. Oliver's humor was both self-deprecating and empowering, as he used his experience to shed light on broader issues related to disability and discrimination.
In his own words:
"And honestly, who gives a shit about hair? It's just dead cells on your head. I mean, I'm not going to pretend I wouldn't like it back. But at the end of the day, it's not that important. I'm like a walking reminder that life is unfair, and that is the only card I have to play. And I'll keep playing it until I'm dead."
In her Netflix special "A Speck of Dust," comedian Sarah Silverman discussed her experience with depression. Silverman used humor to describe the challenges of living with this condition, while also acknowledging the importance of seeking help and support.
Her humor was both relatable and empowering, allowing her to connect with her audience while also bringing attention to an important issue. In her own words:
"Depression is a tricky thing. It's like a cloud that just follows you around, raining on your parade. And it's like, 'Hey, cloud, go rain on someone else's parade, I'm trying to have a good time here!'
But the thing is, the cloud is in your head, and it's hard to make it go away. But the good news is, there are ways to cope with it. You can talk to someone, you can take medication, you can even try meditating.
Although, if you're like me, you'll just spend the whole time thinking about how bad you are at meditating. But the point is, there is help out there. And if you're struggling, just remember that you're not alone."
These comedians demonstrate the power of using humor to acknowledge the challenges of a particular disease while also affirming the dignity and worth of those who are living with it.
By using their platforms to raise awareness and connect with their audience, they are able to bring attention to important issues while also providing a moment of levity in otherwise challenging situations.
As we navigate this complex terrain, it is important to remember that humor can be a powerful tool for coping and connection, as long as it is used with care and consideration.
Humor has long been used as a coping mechanism for dealing with awkwardness, stress, or sadness.
However, when it comes to sensitive topics like diseases, there is a fine line between using humor to cope and making fun of something that can be deeply personal and hurtful to others. So, how can we navigate this territory without causing harm?
According to ethicist S. Matthew Liao, using humor to cope can be a healthy way to deal with difficult situations, as long as it is done in a responsible and respectful manner. In his own words:
"Comedy has the power to provide relief and to create a sense of community. Humor can help us feel more connected to others, and can help us to make sense of the world. But it's important to be mindful of the potential harm that can result from making light of a serious issue. It's about finding a balance between humor and empathy."
At the same time, being completely humorless can also have its drawbacks. When we are unable to laugh at ourselves or the situations we find ourselves in, we may miss out on opportunities to connect with others and to find joy in life.
As philosopher Mordechai Gordon explains:
"Laughter is a way of coping with stress, and it can help to bring people together. When we take ourselves too seriously, we can become rigid and inflexible. Humor allows us to be more open and accepting of others, and can help to break down barriers."
Humor can be a valuable tool in coping with difficult situations such as disease, but it's crucial to find a balance between humor and empathy.
Comedian Patton Oswalt is known for using humor to deal with the loss of his wife, Michelle McNamara, while also acknowledging the pain that comes with such a loss. In his words:
"I don't know if you've ever lost someone close to you, but it's brutal. But what's more brutal is if you pretend that it's not. So I'm going to talk about it, and I'm going to make jokes about it, because that's how I cope. But I'm also going to acknowledge that it hurts like hell."
Similarly, comedian Ali Wong has used humor to discuss the challenges of pregnancy and motherhood, while also acknowledging the physical and emotional toll it can take. In her own words:
"Pregnancy is a beautiful thing. It's also disgusting and weird and painful. I mean, I was peeing myself every time I sneezed. But it's all worth it, because now I have this amazing little person who drives me crazy every day."
Comedian Dave Chappelle has also used humor to discuss sensitive topics such as race and politics, while also acknowledging the seriousness of these issues. In his words:
"I think we're in a really weird place right now, politically. But I also think that's where comedy can be really powerful. It can bring people together, and it can help us to see things from a different perspective."
Similarly, using humor to deal with sadness or grief can help to provide a sense of comfort and connection with others who may be going through similar experiences. As philosopher John Morreall explains:
"Laughter is a social emotion. It brings people together, and can create a sense of community even in the midst of difficult times."
However, using humor to cope can also have its drawbacks. In some cases, it may be perceived as insensitive or hurtful to others who are dealing with the same issue. Additionally, relying too heavily on humor to deal with difficult emotions can sometimes be a way of avoiding or denying the underlying issues.
As comedian Sarah Silverman explains:
"Depression is a real thing. It's not just sadness or being down. It's a weight that you can't escape. But the thing is, you can get help. You can talk to someone. You can take medication. You can get better. And the more we talk about it, the less stigma there will be. I mean, I'm not saying it's all sunshine and rainbows. But it's better than feeling like you're trapped in your own mind."
Despite the potential drawbacks, there is a strong link between happiness and a sense of humor. Studies have shown that individuals with a good sense of humor are generally more resilient and better able to cope with stress.
Additionally, laughter has been shown to have a number of physical health benefits, including reducing blood pressure and boosting the immune system. As comedian Jerry Seinfeld explains, "Humor is a great way to get through life. It's like a secret weapon that we all have access to. And the best part is, it's free!"
So, how can we ensure that our humor is responsible and respectful when it comes to sensitive topics like disease? Here are some principles to abide by:
Avoid stereotypes: Stereotypes can be hurtful and perpetuate harmful attitudes towards certain groups of people. Instead, focus on finding humor in the individual experience.