If we took the middle number on the gay side (from The Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, and Transgender National Health Survey) and the middle number on the straight side (Yougov) we can make a clearer comparison.

Gay men:  12.3

Straight men: 7.2

The percentage increase is about 71%.  That means on average, the typical gay man has 71% more sex than his straight counterpart.

Now look, there is plenty wrong with that kind of math but at least it gives us a big picture look at what's going on.

Now, the question of the hour is.... WHY?  Why do gay men have so much more sex than straight men?

It's a cocktail of historical, cultural, technological, and social factors that define gay men's experience.

The Difference Between Gay Men And Straight Women

Without question, the biggest factor driving the 71% increase is how gay men and straight women approach sex.

Think about two cars for a moment. One car has two gas pedals, while the other has a gas pedal and a brake. Now, let's pretend these cars represent relationships.

In the first car, with two gas pedals, it's all about moving fast and eagerly. This car is like a relationship between two gay men. Both are often excited to jump into the relationship, ready to go "full speed ahead" without stopping.

On the flip side, in the car with a gas pedal and a brake, things are different. It's like a relationship between a straight man and a woman. The man might be ready to hit the gas, but the woman might be more inclined to tap the brakes.

She may want to slow things down, take her time, and think things through before diving into a relationship or a casual fling.

So, why might she hit the brakes? Well, there can be lots of reasons. Women, especially straight women, might have more things to consider before deciding to get into a casual relationship.

They think about their safety, about getting emotionally hurt, and often prefer getting to know the person better before jumping in. This caution can act like brakes, slowing things down and reducing the number of partners they might have over time.

In contrast, two gay men, like the first car with two accelerators, may be more ready to "speed up" things, to explore new relationships or experiences. This means that they might end up having more partners over their lifetime compared to a straight man, who often pairs up with a woman who might occasionally tap the brakes.

Now, remember, this is just a way to understand the idea. Everyone is unique, and not all men or women feel the same way or act the same way. It's a big, diverse world out there, and these are just some general patterns that studies have noticed.

Dating Apps As An Example

Picture this: You're scrolling through Tinder, the famous dating app that lets you swipe right if you're interested, and left if you're not. It's a virtual place where everyone has a chance to meet new people, and the dynamics can be quite different depending on who you are and what you're looking for.

Imagine you're a gay man. You see a profile that catches your eye. You swipe right, and ding! It's a match. You start chatting, and within a few messages, you both feel the connection.

So, you decide to invite him over. He agrees, and both of you understand that this might lead to a more intimate encounter. It's like that car with two gas pedals. Both of you are eager, ready to speed ahead, and explore this new connection.

Now, let's consider a different scenario. This time, you're a straight woman. You swipe right on a man's profile, and, lo and behold, it's a match.

You're excited, and so is he. But when he invites you over after just a few messages, you pause. You might feel like you need more time to get to know him better. You might worry about your safety, about whether you can trust him. This is the car with a brake. You tap it, slowing things down, to ensure everything feels right before moving forward.

This doesn't mean that women aren't interested in casual encounters or that gay men always move fast. Everyone is different. But in general, these patterns could help explain why studies find that gay men often end up with more sexual partners than straight men over their lifetime.

It all comes back to those two cars - one with two accelerators, ready to speed ahead, and one with an accelerator and a brake, taking things at a different pace.

How History Explains It

Cue back to a time when homosexuality was not just shunned, but criminalized. The dark corridors of history echo with narratives of men grappling with their identity in an unforgiving society. But as the saying goes, what doesn't break you makes you stronger.

The LGBTQ+ community rose from the ashes of societal scorn, shaping their own norms and creating an alternate universe of sexual freedom.

In this universe, the constricting bonds of heteronormativity find little foothold. Straight society, even in the 21st century, clings to the traditional frameworks of monogamy and linear relationship structures. Yet, when the template of marriage, picket fences, and 2.5 kids doesn't apply, what does sexual freedom look like?

Reinventing Norms: From Monogamy to Multiplicity

We've all heard tales of Bacchus, the Roman god of wine, revelry, and wild sexual abandon. The gay community, arguably, has embraced a similar ethos, with its own Dionysian carnival of sorts. Consider, for instance, the thriving club culture or the celebrated Pride parades. Events that brim with an unapologetic exhibition of sexuality, radiating the bold message of sexual autonomy.

Imagine a party at a popular gay club. The music is deafening, the crowd is euphoric, and the atmosphere crackles with unabashed erotic energy. It's not just about the heady mix of loud music and strong drinks.

It's a landscape where inhibitions are discarded, replaced by the liberating exploration of sexual desire. Where the rules are rewritten, and the number of partners is seen as an expression of freedom, not promiscuity.

The Role of Technology

The advent of technology is another dynamic that has unarguably influenced the sexual landscape. Dating apps have revolutionized the way we meet people and explore our desires.

No longer do we rely on chance encounters or mutual friends. In this era of digital romance, love, lust, and everything in between, is literally at our fingertips.

Nowhere is this more evident than among gay men, the majority of whom have adopted this platform with enthusiasm.

Consider Grindr, a popular dating app designed specifically for gay men. Within seconds, it presents a buffet of potential partners within your immediate vicinity.

Want a quick hook-up at the local bar? There's an option for that. Looking for something more serious? You can find that too.

The power and control lie in the hands of the user, with anonymity adding a layer of comfort and accessibility.

How Drugs Fuel The Disparity

In the 80s, the gay community was ravaged by the AIDS epidemic. It was a time of fear, stigma, and loss, but it also marked a turning point in the community's approach to sexual health.

The rampant spread of HIV/AIDS led to a concerted effort to promote safe sex, condom use, and regular testing. It propelled open discussions about sexual partners and practices, normalizing the idea of multiple partners within the community.

Picture a typical conversation in a gay bar. Amid the chatter about recent hookups and dating app adventures, you'll also hear candid discussions about STIs, the latest HIV drugs, or the importance of PrEP. This openness, while born out of a dark time, has fostered an environment where multiple partners are not just accepted, but also expected. It's part of the sexual contract, a matter of fact rather than a topic for judgment.

Social Networks and Supportive Environments

A splash of color, a riot of laughter, a swirl of love, and a dash of drama - it's hard to ignore the vibrant fabric of gay social networks. The sense of community and support that these networks offer play an essential role in shaping sexual behavior.

Research indicates a positive correlation between acceptance in one's social circle and the number of sexual partners. It's not surprising, then, that areas with a high concentration of supportive networks, particularly urban settings, often report higher numbers of sexual partners among gay men.

Imagine a summer afternoon in San Francisco's Castro district, known for its LGBTQ+ friendly environment. The streets are bustling with people sipping their lattes, shopping at local stores, or simply soaking in the sun at the park.

Amid the humdrum, you might overhear conversations about recent romantic escapades or plans for the next big party. Here, sex isn't a hushed topic, but part of the daily dialogue, a testament to sexual liberation.

Then There's  Reporting Biases

Beyond these dynamics, we must also consider the potential discrepancies in the reporting of sexual partners. Given the societal pressures, it's plausible that straight men may underreport their sexual encounters. Simultaneously, gay men might over-report, influenced by perceived norms within their community.

Consider the jarring dichotomy. A heterosexual man, asked about his number of sexual partners, might downplay the number, wary of the label 'promiscuous.'

On the other hand, a gay man, exposed to a culture that celebrates sexual liberation, may inflate his count, eager to fit into this narrative. Reporting bias, then, could significantly contribute to the perceived difference in the number of sexual partners between straight and gay men.

Differences In Temperament & Personality

People are like snowflakes - no two are exactly alike. We all have our own unique thoughts, feelings, and desires. This is especially true when it comes to who we want to spend time with and how many people we want to get close to.

Think about your own friends for a moment. You probably have that one friend who's always making new friends. They're always chatting with new people, always joining new clubs or groups. They just love meeting and connecting with others.

On the flip side, you might have another friend who likes to keep their circle small. They have a few close friends, and that's plenty for them. They're happy and satisfied with fewer connections.

This is the same when we talk about gay men and the number of partners they have. Some gay men might be a bit like that first friend. They might enjoy the excitement of meeting new people and experiencing new things. They might feel a strong desire to connect with lots of different partners.

On the other hand, other gay men might be more like the second friend. They might prefer deeper connections with fewer partners. They could be more selective, taking their time to find the right person who really understands and connects with them.

It's important to remember that there's no right or wrong here. Everyone is different, and that's okay. What makes someone happy and satisfied might be different for someone else.

OPPORTUNITIES

Let's dive into another important factor: opportunities. Opportunities are like doors. Some people might have more doors to open, leading to more chances to meet new partners.

Imagine living in a big, bustling city, like New York or Los Angeles. These cities are like a huge party with millions of guests. There are so many people around, so many places to go, and so many things to do.

If you live in one of these cities, you might have more chances to meet new people, just because there are so many people around you. It's like having a lot of doors to open.

Now, think about the things you do in your free time. Maybe you love going to concerts or sports games. Maybe you like joining clubs or going to parties. The more social activities you take part in, the more people you're likely to meet. Each of these activities is like a door, leading you to new people and potential partners.

But what about someone who lives in a small town, far away from the big city? Or someone who prefers quiet nights at home instead of big social events? They might not have as many doors to open. They might not have as many chances to meet new partners.

So, opportunities can play a big part in the number of partners people have.

Where You Live Matters

Let's imagine ourselves on a grand journey around the globe, landing first in the city of San Francisco, USA. San Francisco has long been known as a haven for the LGBTQ+ community, with its vibrant Castro District, the rainbow flag fluttering proudly, and its renowned Pride Parade.

Here, being a gay man might be like being part of an expansive, warm family. The accepting atmosphere and strong community support could make it easier for gay men to meet and connect with new partners.

Now, let's hop on a plane and land in a small rural town anywhere in the world where the views might not be as progressive. Here, the atmosphere could be as chilly as a winter wind.

Acceptance might not come easily, and discrimination might even cast a long shadow. Gay men in these places might feel as though they're under a microscope, with their every move being scrutinized.

They might find it harder to meet new partners because people are less accepting, and fear of prejudice might deter open expression of their sexual orientation.

These cultural and societal views have a significant impact on the number of partners that gay men have.

Quantity vs Quality

Having more partners won't increase happiness.

While the number of sexual partners may be a point of interest, more partners do not equate to more satisfaction, as pointed out by research from the University of Colorado Boulder.

This research suggests that sexual satisfaction is more linked to the quality of the relationship and emotional connection rather than the quantity of sexual partners.

Averages Are Misleading

Let's take a simple example. Imagine you're in a bar, and there are ten people, including you. Each of you earns around $50,000 a year.

If you were to calculate the average income, you would add up everyone's income and then divide by the number of people. So in this case, the average income would be $50,000.

But what if one of the people in the bar is Jeff Bezos, the founder of Amazon and one of the wealthiest people in the world, who is worth about $144 billion? If you add his wealth to the total and then calculate the average, the number changes drastically.

Even though nine out of ten people in the bar earn $50,000 a year, the average income is now in the billions because of one extraordinarily wealthy individual.

This is similar to what's happening with the number of sexual partners among gay men. A smaller percentage might have a large number of partners, which could drive up the average, even though it's not representative of everyone in the community. It's always crucial to look beyond averages to understand the whole picture.