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How Comedians Think We Should Come Out

The 10 Stages of Coming Out as Told by the World’s Funniest Gay Comedians



The 'Suspicion' Stage


The suspicion stage is when you begin to realize you're different. As Wanda Sykes quips, "I didn't have to come out. I came in from outside!" Comedian Rosie O'Donnell offers a similar sentiment: "I spent my childhood playing softball and wearing baseball caps. I think I always knew I was different. It just took me a while to understand how." Moreover, Mario Cantone hilariously shares, "I never had a closet to come out of. I was so flamboyant, I was in a glass closet!"


Read our guide,  Coming Out As Gay


Denial


This is the stage where you try to convince yourself it's all a phase. Comedian James Adomian recalls trying to pass off his attraction to men as a teenage quirk: "I thought, 'No, I'm not gay, I just really admire that guy's abs... and biceps... and smile.'"


Similarly, Scott Thompson jokes, "At one point, I tried to convince myself that I was just really into the concept of male camaraderie. It turns out, I was just really into men." Lea DeLaria adds humorously, "I thought I was just a tomboy. Turns out I was just a boy-loving girl!"


Bargaining


Comedian Tig Notaro encapsulates this stage, saying, "I tried to be straight. I even dated a guy named 'Chuck.' But eventually, you have to realize that you can't negotiate your way out of who you are."


Echoing this sentiment, Julian Clary teases, "I made a deal with myself – if I could just find one dress that suited me, I'd marry a woman. Alas, I looked dreadful in everything!"


Graham Norton lightens this stage, quipping, "I tried dating women, but they seemed more interested in my clothes than I was. That's when I knew."


Realization


 Comedian Simon Amstell expresses this stage humorously, "Being gay was like being bestowed with a secret power, like Spiderman, but with better fashion sense."


John Waters shares, "When I realized I was gay, it was like discovering an extra room in the house. A room full of fabulous decor and dashing men."


Adding to this, Alan Carr jokes, "Realizing you're gay is like solving a riddle. You finally understand the punchline – and it's fabulous."


Read our Coming Out Stories from everyday people.


Acceptance


As Ellen DeGeneres describes it, "Being gay is like finding a one-dollar bill in your laundry. It’s surprising, it’s not what you were looking for, but hey – you’re a dollar richer!"


Comedian Todd Glass shares, "Accepting your sexuality is like getting to the center of a Tootsie Pop. It takes a while, but when you get there, it's sweet." And in a similar tone, Sean Hayes expresses, "Coming to terms with being gay felt like finishing a good book. There's a sense of completion, but also a desire for a sequel."


Fear


The fear stage is all about anxiety regarding others' reactions. Comedian Joel Kim Booster uses humor to highlight this stage: "I spent a year worrying about how to tell my parents I was gay, then realized they're Asian – they're not going to be able to tell anyone."


Echoing this sentiment, Trevor Noah cleverly remarks, "Coming out is like playing a high-stakes poker game. You're all in, but you have no idea what cards the other players hold."


Providing a different take, Cameron Esposito lightheartedly says, "My biggest fear was having to explain to my grandma why I wouldn't be producing great-grandchildren. Turns out she was more concerned about me not producing a decent pot roast!"


Coming out to a trusted friend


Stephen Fry describes this stage with his usual dry wit, "Coming out to a friend is like a surprise party. Sometimes it's great, sometimes they already knew and your surprise is ruined."


Comedian Joe Lycett offers, "When I came out to my best friend, she just said, 'I know, your taste in music gave you away years ago.'"


Jim Parsons adds to this stage, chuckling, "I was so nervous about coming out to my friend that I accidentally texted it to him three times. His reply was, 'Got it the first time, dude!'"


Coming out to family


This can be a daunting stage. As comedian Billy Eichner quips, "Telling your family you're gay can be like announcing you're moving to Mars. 'Will you be able to breathe? What about food? Can we visit?'"


Neil Patrick Harris lightens the mood, "When I came out to my family, they were so supportive they wanted to throw a parade. I had to remind them that the Gay Pride parade was not, in fact, about me." Adding to the humor, Kate McKinnon jests, "I told my mom I was gay and she said, 'I know, I've been reading your diary.'"


Coming out to the world


Also known as the "public announcement" stage. As Lily Tomlin jokes, "I officially came out in the '70s. I just forgot to send the press release to everyone else."


In a similar vein, Portia de Rossi shares, "Coming out publicly felt like a giant game of hide and seek, and I was finally ready to be found."


Adding a bit more humor, Stephen K. Amos recalls, "When I publicly came out, the most surprising thing was the amount of people who said they already knew. Turns out, I wasn't as sneaky as I thought."


Living openly


This is the stage of embracing your sexuality in all its glory. As Margaret Cho puts it, "Living as an openly gay person is like finally getting the joke everyone else has been laughing at. And the joke is fabulous."


Comedian Bob Smith shares a similar sentiment, "Being out is like having a permanent VIP ticket to the most fabulous show on earth."


And Randy Rainbow rounds off this list, stating humorously, "Living openly gay is like finally being allowed to eat dessert first."



Michael Alvear • March 9, 2024
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