Why Do Gay Guys "Orbit?"

Orbiting means he's not responding to texts but continues to follow and interact with your social media content. Orbiting is prevalent among gay online daters. WHY?

Power Move 

Orbiting can be considered a power move because it allows the orbiter to maintain control over the situation and the dynamic of the (non)relationship. By keeping a presence on the periphery of someone's profile, the orbiter can demonstrate that they are still interested in the person's life without making any commitment or being vulnerable. This sends a subtle message to the person being orbited that the orbiter is still in control and can dictate the terms of any future interaction.

Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist and professor of psychology, explains that orbiting can be seen as a power move because it allows the person to exert control over their own narrative and how they are perceived by others. In other words, orbiting allows them to create a sense of intrigue or mystery around themselves, while also signaling to the other person that they are still interested in their life, albeit from a safe distance. This can leave the person being orbited feeling confused and emotionally off-balance, unsure of where they stand in relation to the orbiter.

Ignorance

Some people may not realize the ramifications of their actions, like not knowing that others can see who viewed their Instagram or Snapchat stories. This theory suggests that some orbiters may not be aware that their behavior is visible to the person they are orbiting.

Dr. Jess O'Reilly, a relationship expert and sexologist, points out that some individuals may not be fully aware of the various features and functions of social media platforms. For example, they may not know that others can see when they view their stories or interact with their content. This lack of awareness could lead to unintentional orbiting behavior, as the person may not realize that their actions are causing confusion or distress to the person being orbited.

Fear of Missing Out (FOMO)

Dr. Rachel O'Neill, a licensed professional clinical counselor, suggests that orbiting may be driven by an underlying Fear of Missing Out (FOMO). Orbiters may not be ready to commit to a relationship, but they are concerned that if they completely eliminate contact, they might miss the opportunity to reconnect later on. Social media allows them to maintain a commitment-free connection while keeping tabs on the other person's life, giving them an easy entry point to return if circumstances change.

According to Dr. Gwendolyn Seidman, an associate professor of psychology and an expert in relationship research, FOMO can be a powerful motivator for orbiting behavior. The desire to stay connected to the person's life, even from a distance, may be driven by the fear that they might miss out on an opportunity to rekindle the relationship if they cut off all contact. This can lead to a pattern of orbiting, where the person continues to engage with the other's social media content while avoiding deeper, more meaningful communication.

The difference between orbiting and simply "creeping" on someone's social media is the fact that the orbiter is still engaging with the person's content, often through likes or comments. This creates confusion and frustration for the person being orbited, as the orbiter is simultaneously avoiding meaningful communication while showing interest in their life.

Dating in the age of social media presents new challenges and nuances, as it becomes easier to keep up with someone's life without being truly involved. Orbiting is a puzzling and disconcerting behavior that blurs the lines between genuine interest and casual voyeurism.

Dr. Mariana Bockarova, a researcher at the University of Toronto, explains that social media has fundamentally changed the dynamics of dating and relationships. The ease with which people can maintain superficial connections through platforms like Instagram and Snapchat has created a landscape where orbiting can thrive. In this context, orbiting can be seen as a way for individuals to manage their romantic options without making any commitments, while also maintaining a sense of control over their own emotions and involvement.

Orbiting is not limited to romantic relationships. It can also occur among friends, family members, or acquaintances. The same dynamics of control, fear of missing out, and ignorance can apply to these situations as well.

Are You Screwed?

No, you’ve got a few options, though probably none of them are going to get him to do what you want.  But hey, at least these options will keep you sane. 

1. Establish Your Social Media Fortress

Time to take control of your virtual space. Set up those boundaries and let your orbiter know that it's not cool to hover around your Instagram stories without engaging in real conversation. Talk to them openly about your expectations and how their behavior makes you feel. If they're not up for genuine communication, it's time to hit that "unfollow" button.

2. Embrace Your Inner Emotional Detective

Become the Sherlock Holmes of your feelings. Take some time to understand how the orbiter's behavior affects you. Are you confused, annoyed, or feeling disrespected? Acknowledging your emotions will help you determine your next move and make sure you're taking care of yourself in the process.

3. Hit the Unfollow Button (or the Block Button, if Necessary)

This one's for the bold and the brave. If the orbiter's actions continue to bother you or cross the line, it's time for a social media intervention. Unfollow them to limit their access to your content, or go one step further and block them if their behavior becomes too intrusive. Show them you mean business.