How To Keep The Sizzle Sizzlin' in Long Term Relationships
Keeping Your Sex Life Alive in a Long Term Relationship Is HARD
This post is part of our Gay Relationship Advice Series.
Relationships are a rollercoaster of emotions, amirite? One minute everything is rainbows and butterflies, you can't peel your hands off each other, and you're smashing so much you're practically glued together. But then life happens, and suddenly you're just two roommates who occasionally rub butts when you pass each other in the hallway. SOS!
But don't freak out - your steamy romance flatlining into a lifeless sea cucumber is totally normal. That initial insta-bone passion simmers down once the spicy honeymoon phase fizzles out. You're not broken, bb. This dry spell too shall pass if you put in the work! Let's dish about how to revive your Sahara-level parched intimacy.
Cool It with the Sexpectations
We've all been sold a fantasy that men want sex 110% of the time and women just humor them once a month with obligatory starfish sex. massive eye roll Ditch those bogus stereotypes! For many couples, crazy frequent bangin' isn't realistic long term. And that's ok! Focus on quality over quantity. Did you feel pleasure and connection even once this month? Fabulous, you're doing amazing sweetie. Forget the metrics you should hit - go at your own pace.
The Struggle is Real
When you've been together forever, sometimes life hands you a cocktail of stress, exhaustion, health issues, and existential dread that makes you want to hide under the covers and never come out. How's a girl supposed to get frisky with all that going on?! It's normal for even the horniest horndogs to experience sexual dry spells. Don't sweat it too hard. This too shall pass!
Schedule Schmex Dates
Newsflash: when you've been together for a while, spontaneous "hey baby let's do it on the kitchen floor!" sex likely won't happen as often. Sad trombone but that doesn't mean your sex life is doomed!
Try carving out dedicated sexy time in your calendar and treating intimacy like any other important event. Give bae the same advance notice you give your dentist. Plan a Schmex Date complete with mood lighting, wine and your sexiest Spotify playlist. Then do the damn thing!
Keep It Spicy
When sex starts to feel boring or routine, it's time to bring novelty back into the boudoir! Try new positions, locations, toys, scenarios, or whatever else turns you on. Roleplay as strangers meeting for an illicit rendezvous. Cover the bed in rose petals. Blindfold each other and fumble around awkwardly. Just keep mixing it up! Laughter reduces tension, so don't be afraid to get silly and banter during awkward moments.
Be Frank About Your Kinks
Have awkward but necessary convos about specific factors killing your vibe, even if it stings. Does their weird foot thing gross you out? Do your newest meds make orgasming impossible? Does their CPAP machine make sexytimes logistically challenging? Talk it out without judgement! Airing it out can help you find solutions...or at least feel less alone.
Reduce Annoying Roadblocks
Little things like stashing lube and toys bedside, locking the pets out, or putting on pants without holes can remove obstacles to doing the deed. Make boning convenient! When it's a chore, it's easier to procrastinate. So eliminate any logistical friction between you and the O.
Redefine Sex
Penetrative intercourse isn't the only type of sex, fam! Broaden your horizons beyond boning to acts like oral, mutual masturbation, erotic massage, dirty talk, etc. Reconnecting through sensual play can be pleasurable, even if you aren't feeling an intense urge to knock boots.
Snuggle Sluts Unite
When your loins are on the fritz, remember non-sexual affection like hugging, kissing and everyday touches release feel-good bonding hormones. Cuddle puddles remind your brain of intimacy. So even if you aren't doing the nasty, physical closeness nurtures your relationship.
Take Matters Into Your Own Hands
Masturbating takes the pressure off bae to "perform" when you aren't feelin' it. Rubbing one out to your favorite Pr0nHub vids is normal and healthy. And who knows, it may even kickstart your libido! Can't hurt to try (wink wink).
Prioritize Self Care
Stress and exhaustion are the antithesis to arousal. How can you get in a sexy mindset if you're run ragged?? Recharge your batteries so you have energy left for hanky panky. Exercise, sleep, meals with friends, saying no to obligations, etc. Fill your own damn cup first and foremost.
Let's Get Clinical
If OMG nothing is working, it may be time to get medical help. Issues like pain during sex, erectile dysfunction or hormone imbalances can harsh your buzz. See your urologist to rule out any physical stuff sabotaging your romps. There are tons of treatable conditions that kill libidos! Meds and therapy can get your groove back.
You Do You
At the end of the day, prioritize whatever brings you mutual pleasure and intimacy. That might be scheduled sex dates, kinky experiments, more solo time, increased communication, or something else that uniquely works for you crazy kids! Just keep an open mind and don't compare yourself to others. Your sex life will evolve, but it doesn't have to fizzle out. Keep working at it!
So in summary, maintaining a banging sex life in a LTR takes effort. Adulting is exhausting! But intimacy is worth fighting for. Stay flexible, communicate your needs, and nurture that spark however fits your relationship. Let passion ebb and flow like the tides. This too shall pass! Now go forth and fornicate happily ever after!
