The Borrower's Dilemma: Balancing Debts and Dating

Dear 100Footer:

This situation doesn't involve romance or sex; it's more about finances (although one might argue that all three are interconnected). I'd appreciate your guidance on this matter.

While out shopping with someone I'm just starting to date, the store manager required authorization for his credit card payment, so I lent him $75 to complete the purchase. He then asked me to remind him of the amount he owes. I thought he should keep track of the debt and repay it himself.

A month has passed, and I haven't heard anything from him. I didn't specify a repayment deadline. Part of me believes he should be responsible for remembering and repaying the debt, while another part thinks I should just call him and ask him to return the money when he can (providing my address). He was laid off about two weeks ago, and I know he'll have other expenses. Should I let this go or make a discreet call to gently remind him about the outstanding debt?

ANSWER:

So I'm going to answer you using three different ethical frameworks.

Consequentialism

Consequentialism is an ethical theory that says the right thing to do is the action that leads to the best results. In this situation, we should think about what will happen if you remind your friend about the debt or if you let it go.

If you remind your friend, they might feel stressed about repaying you, especially since they lost their job. But, it could also help them learn to be more responsible with money. If you don't remind them, they might forget about the debt, and you could lose the money.

Using consequentialism, the answer to the question is: Remind your friend gently because it helps them learn responsibility and ensures you get your money back.

Deontology

Deontology is another ethical theory that says the right thing to do is based on rules or duties. In this case, we should focus on the duties you and your friend have toward each other.

Your friend has a duty to repay the debt because they borrowed the money. You also have a duty to be honest and communicate your expectations about the loan.

Using deontology, the answer to the question is: Remind your friend about the debt because it follows the rules and duties of both parties.

Virtue Ethics

Virtue ethics is an ethical theory that focuses on being a good person with good character traits. In this situation, we should think about what a kind, caring, and responsible person would do.

A kind person might understand their friend's tough situation and be patient about getting the money back. A responsible person might remind their friend of the debt to help them be more accountable.

Using virtue ethics, the answer to the question is: Make a subtle call and gently remind your friend because it shows kindness and responsibility.

Overall, all three ethical theories suggest that you should remind your friend about the debt, but do it in a gentle and understanding way.