Return of the Cheater: Is it Time for a Sequel or Cut the Film Short?

You were seeing this guy for about a year. You fell in love. Hard. You were faithful and honest. Worshiped the ground he walked on.

You moved in but it wasn't long before he was cheating on you. Not affairs mind you, just tricks. You confront him. But you are cool – – you said if you want an open relationship let's talk about it. But instead of confessing, he denies everything.

Instead, he says you're the only one for him. You leave because he is so emotionally constipated he can't admit what he's done or accept what he wants – – an open relationship.

Soon he's calling because he wants you back. But he doesn't even want to address the philandering. After all, you are the only one for him. Except for the tricks he doesn't want to talk about.

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Should you take him back?

The clue bus is honking and you think it's the geese. You can't take back a guy who cheats and then lies about it and when given the opportunity to work things out goes into denial.

The kind thing to say about him is that he really doesn't see his cheating as a danger to the relationship. After all, they are just tricks. So in his mind, he's not actually cheating because well, they're just tricks.

But there is a more uncharitable view: he's an asshole. He's practicing fig-leaf morality-- the kind you see in politics from those who preach family values while texting the whorehouse to see how late they're open.

Denial is a wonderful place to visit but you wouldn't want to live there. When you take up residency there you get some really twisted thinking. Like living in an open relationship but pretending you don't.

Okay back to the main point: should you take him back? Yes, but only when he renounces his citizenship and allegiance to the State of Denial. Listen, cheating can be worked through. There are compromises that can be made. But they can't be made if someone refuses to see that they must be made.