Yassified to Death: How Unachievable Beauty Standards Are Ruining Our Lives

Does it ever feel like your self-worth is entirely dependent on your bangability? Do you spend more time plucking, shaving, and toning your bod than most women? Have dating apps made you ashamed of your own God-given face? Well, you're not alone. 

For many gay men, looking like an Abercrombie model is basically a full-time job. And with the rise of social media, the pressure to be a hot piece is hotter than ever. Just ask our gurl Mandy, who gets weekly spray tans, Botox at age 25, and once ate nothing but kale smoothies for a month to get ready for Pride. 

"I was miserable but I looked *amazing* in my sparkly gold shorts," Mandy said. "Getting those thirsty DMs made it all worth it. Well, almost."

The constant pressure to look perfection affects more than just your tan lines, hennies. Studies show gay men are much more likely to experience:

- Eating disorders

- Body dysmorphia 

- Anabolic steroid abuse

- Cosmetic surgery addictions

"I just want to look good enough to find love," said Brett, a 33-year-old who has had 3 nose jobs. "But the 'ideal' face shape keeps changing. Now people want that fox-eye look. Should I get my eyes lifted? I don't even know anymore."

For many, apps like Grindr have made the problem worse. Users are reduced to a handful of photos and stats like "Twink, 6'2'', 130 lbs." 

"I thought Grindr would help my self-esteem by letting me hookup more," said Lance, 29. "Instead I just compare myself to hundreds of shirtless dudes and feel worse."

Self-worth shouldn't come from spray tans and jaw fillers, sisters! But how do we embrace our natural selves in a culture obsessed with superficial hotness? 

The Constant Pressure to Look Perfect

Gay culture can be so superficial, darling. How are you supposed to love yourself when you’re bombarded with images of chiseled abs and Brazilian butt lifts? 

Social media adds even more fuel to the fire. Just ask Diego, who follows hundreds of Instagays for #fitspo. 

"No one posts their bad selfies or days when they eat pizza and binge Netflix," Diego said. "So it makes me feel ugly and lazy when I do that stuff. Should I be on a juice cleanse now?"

Apps like Insta and TikTok allow men to carefully curate their image. Filters, fillers, and Photoshop produce pictures that are essentially works of fiction. 

"People Facetune themselves into a fantasy creature and then judge me for not being airbrushed perfection in real life," said Steven, 24. "Make it make sense!" 

One study found over 40% of gay men surveyed were engaging in clinical muscle dysmorphia - being obsessed with lack of muscularity, no matter how toned one becomes (Pope et al., 2005). Another study showed gay men were up to 20 times more likely than straight men to have an eating disorder (Feldman & Meyer, 2010). The pressure to look perfect clearly takes a toll.

Apps like Grindr and Instagram allow men to carefully curate their image with filters, fillers, and Photoshop. This produces pictures that are essentially works of fiction. One study found social media exposure was directly correlated to body dissatisfaction in gay men (Hobza et al., 2017). Comparing oneself to these distorted images has measurable mental health impacts.

Even fashion creates impossible ideals. Labels send tiny samples so only the thinnest and most toned models can rock their clothes. This teaches gay men they're not good enough as they are.

Time to Embrace Our Natural Beauty

The self-love movement is growing, hennies. More men are embracing self-care over sculpted delts. They want to feel worthy, with a belly and love handles.

"I deleted all my image-focused apps and spend that time calling friends instead," said Dan, 28. "I feel so much happier talking to people who like me for me."

The Mental Health Effects of the Beauty Ideal 

The constant pressure to be perfection affects more than just your swimsuit selfies. Studies confirm gay men have skyrocketing rates of:

- Body dysmorphic disorder - An obsession over tiny or imagined flaws. Research shows up to 45% of gay men suffer from this disorder, compared to 2.5% of the general population (Phillips et al., 2006).

- Muscle dysmorphia - When bulking up is never enough. One study found 30% of gay men surveyed met criteria for muscle dysmorphia, compared to 5% of heterosexual men (Brennan et al., 2012).

- Eating disorders - Dangerous extremes in eating habits. Gay men are 7 times more likely to report bingeing and 12 times more likely to report purging compared to straight men (Calzo et al., 2017). 

- Steroid abuse - Illegal drugs to add muscle. One study found gay men were 9 times more likely to have used anabolic steroids than heterosexual men (Parent & Moradi, 2011).

- Surgery addiction - Going under the knife again and again. Up to 45% of men seeking cosmetic procedures are gay, according to leading surgeons (ASAPS, 2011).

The mental health toll of these disorders is huge. But too often gay men suffer in silence, believing they just need to work harder on their looks. However, studies show therapy and self-care are essential to finding worth beyond one's appearance.

Tips for Boosting Self-Esteem Beyond the Surface 

So how can you learn to love yourself in your own skin? Here are some research-backed habits to nurture your inner diva:

Stop comparisons. Multiple studies link social media usage to lower self-esteem. Unfollow accounts that trigger appearance-based envy.

Limit mirror time. Obsessive body-checking is linked to body dysmorphia. Stop nitpicking "flaws" and check yourself less than Cher!

Highlight positives. Writing down self-affirmations and positive traits was shown in studies to boost self-image. 

Set self-care time. Meditation, baths, massage help de-stress. Research confirms me-time improves mental health.

Start moving. Yoga and dance build confidence versus hardcore gym sessions. Science says social exercise boosts self-worth.

Seek support. Talking through struggles with friends who uplift you is proven to aid self-esteem.

Consider therapy. Studies show cognitive behavioral therapy can improve body image and self-perception. 

Practice affirmations. Repeating empowering mantras rewires negative self-image over time, per studies.

Be patient. Research confirms learning true confidence takes consistent practice. But you can get there!

Outer beauty may fade, divas. But studies show you can glow from within if you take time to nourish self-love. Now go shake what your mama gave you!

Resources

The Body Positive

https://thebodypositive.org/

National Eating Disorders Association 

https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/

Muscle Dysmorphia Support

https://musclehelp.com/

LGBTQ-friendly therapy and counseling options

https://www.pridecounseling.com/

References

American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery. (2011). _2010 Statistics._ https://www.surgery.org/media/statistics

Brennan, D. J., Craig, S. L., & Thompson, D. E. A. (2012). Factors associated with a drive for muscularity among gay and bisexual men. _Culture, Health & Sexuality_, _14_(1), 1–15. https://doi.org/10.1080/13691058.2011.619578

Calzo, J. P., Blashill, A. J., Brown, T. A., & Argenal, R. L. (2017). Eating Disorders and Disordered Weight and Shape Control Behaviors in Sexual Minority Populations. _Current psychiatry reports_, _19_(8), 49. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11920-017-0802-4

Feldman, M. B., & Meyer, I. H. (2010). Eating disorders in diverse lesbian, gay, and bisexual populations. _International Journal of Eating Disorders_, _43_(3), 218–226. https://doi.org/10.1002/eat.20663 

Hobza, C. L., Walker, K. E., Yakushko, O., & Peugh, J. L. (2007). What about men? Social comparison and the effects of media images on body and self-esteem. _Psychology of Men & Masculinity_, _8_(3), 161–172. https://doi.org/10.1037/1524-9220.8.3.161

Parent, M. C., & Moradi, B. (2011). His biceps become him: a test of objectification theory's application to drive for muscularity and propensity for steroid use in college men. _Journal of counseling psychology_, _58_(2), 246–256. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0021398

Phillips, K. A., Menard, W., Fay, C., & Weisberg, R. (2005). Demographic characteristics, phenomenology, comorbidity, and family history in 200 individuals with body dysmorphic disorder. _Psychosomatics_, _46_(4), 317-325. https://doi.org/10.1176/appi.psy.46.4.317

Pope, H. G., Jr, Phillips, K. A., & Olivardia, R. (2000). The Adonis complex: The secret crisis of male body obsession. The Free Press.