Jared Freid's "The Ick" Applied to Gay Dating

Freid's comedic genius lies in spotlighting these trivial yet pivotal moments that can inexplicably turn off the romance switch. While Fried may have explored this phenomenon in the straight dating world, we've applied his rules to gay dating.

Buckle up as we dive into the hilariously petty deal-breakers that can send even the most promising gay romances into a tailspin. From soup-slurping sins to emoji overkill, we're peeling back the curtain on the gay dating's biggest little turn-offs.

When Chewbacca Meets Couture

Take Eli, a 28-year-old fashion designer who thought he'd met his match. A candlelit dinner, a shared love for haute couture, and then—disaster. "He had more food in his beard than I had on my plate," Eli shudders. "I swear I saw a whole ecosystem in there. I couldn’t look at him the same way again.”

Tech Genius, Texting Goblin

Or consider Julian, the tech whiz who creates apps by day and scours the dating scene by night. He was texting this guy, great banter back and forth, until autocorrect was turned off. "It was like deciphering ancient hieroglyphs," Julian groans. "‘Great thyme with you last knight.’ I mean, come on!”

Grammar's Gravestone

Grammar can be the grim reaper of romance too. Alex, a 32-year-old writer, still cringes at the memory. "He was perfect, then he said 'I could care less.' The phrase is 'couldn’t'—with a T! My attraction packed its bags and left town."

It's Not You, It's the Way You Sip Your Soup

The thing about "The Ick" is it’s as ruthless as it is ridiculous. You can be a rocket scientist with a body carved by the gods, but if you can’t handle soup without recreating a scene from 'Jaws', it’s game over.

Meet Marcus, a 30-year-old rocket scientist. He had a date with a guy who looked like he bench-pressed in his sleep. "Then he started sipping his soup,” Marcus recounts. “It was like a wind tunnel. I had to check my soup wasn’t flying off the table.”

PDA: Public Display of Agitation

Public displays of affection can be sweet, right? Not for everyone. Chris, a 29-year-old nurse, had a different view. “He tried to kiss me on the subway. Not a peck, a full-on, let’s-miss-our-stop make-out session. I don’t perform for an audience.”

The Ghost of Relationships Past

Sometimes, "The Ick" isn’t even about what you do; it’s who you remind them of. "He had the same name as my ex," confesses Andre, a 27-year-old teacher. "Same laugh too. It was like dating a sequel. No thanks, I left that franchise for a reason."

Scent of a Man... Unfortunately

Let’s not forget the power of smell. "He smelled like my uncle," grimaces Leo, a 25-year-old bartender. "And not in a comforting, nostalgic way. More like I was hugging my uncle at a family reunion.”

When His Emoji Game is Off

In the digital age, even emojis can be a deal-breaker. Ask Aiden, a 33-year-old social media manager: "He used the wink emoji unironically. It was like a wink from my dad. Total ick."

Laugh? I Nearly Blocked Him

Laughter can be infectious, but sometimes it's the bad kind of infectious. "His laugh sounded like a hyena on helium," says Diego, a 26-year-old comedian. "It was funny until it wasn’t."

Baby Talk is for Babies

And it’s not just how you laugh, but how you talk. "He started using baby talk. I’m a grown man, not a toddler," says Miguel, a 31-year-old lawyer, still visibly shuddering at the memory.

Hobby Horror Shows

Sharing hobbies is great, but some passions are best kept private. "He collected doll parts. Doll parts!" exclaims Sam, a 34-year-old antique dealer. "I expected his home to be quirky, but it was like walking onto a horror movie set."

Dining Disaster

Back to the dining table, where "The Ick" feasts on manners. Kyle, a 36-year-old chef, tells of a date who salted his meal before even tasting it. "I cook for a living. It was like he spat on my plate."

Musical Missteps

Music can make or break a mood. "He played Nickelback on our first date," sighs Omar, a 29-year-old music producer. "He said it was 'ironic.' The only irony was me being there."

The Art of Conversation... Or Not

Let's talk about talking, shall we? Picture this: you're with a conversational connoisseur, words flowing like a river, and then—bam!—you hit the dam of monosyllables. "Uh-huh," "cool," "nice." It's like chatting with a sulky Siri. Just ask Tom, a 31-year-old journalist, whose date responded with the enthusiasm of a cardboard cutout. "I was tempted to check for a pulse," he quips.

Adventure Seeker Meets Couch Commander

For the thrill-seekers among us, nothing triggers "The Ick" like a lack of adventure. "He wanted to Netflix and chill for our third date in a row," groans Lucas, a 27-year-old travel blogger. "I have more passport stamps than we've had conversations."

Activism Overload

Being woke is sexy, but there's a fine line before it turns into "wokeness whiplash." "Every conversation was a protest," says Jamie, a 30-year-old environmental activist. "I'm all for saving the whales, but can we talk about your favorite color too?"

Quirks That Make You Quake

Sometimes, it's just the odd quirks that do you in. "He clapped when the plane landed," shudders Ricardo, a 35-year-old pilot. "I never called back."

The Social Media Stalker

We all Google our dates, but there's a limit. "He knew my entire life story by the first drink," says Ethan, a 24-year-old student. "It's not cute, it's creepy."

The Fitness Fanatic

Fitness is fine, but fanaticism can be a turn-off. "He corrected my form at the gym," recounts Pedro, a 32-year-old personal trainer. "I didn't realize our date was a boot camp."

Thriftiness or Cheapness?

Then there's the thin line between being economical and just plain cheap. "He bragged about stealing toilet paper from the bar," recounts Lucas, a 35-year-old event planner. "I couldn't decide if I was more appalled or impressed."

The Ex Files

Talking about exes is inevitable, but it’s all about timing. "On the first date, he gave me a play-by-play of his last breakup," says Tony, a 38-year-old actor. "I felt like I was in the audience of a soap opera, not a date.”

Manners Maketh Man

It all boils down to manners, like for Tim, a 40-year-old sommelier. "He snapped his fingers at the waiter. I wanted to crawl under the table.”

The Age of Over-sharing

And in the age of over-sharing, some things are still better left unsaid. "He detailed his digestive issues over dessert," says Oscar, a 29-year-old gastroenterologist. "You’d think I’d be used to it, but not over crème brûlée.”

Final Thoughts? Nope, Just "The Ick"

There you have it, a dive into the fickle world of "The Ick" in gay dating. It’s the silent conversation every gay man is having with himself as he sizes up his date, wondering if he’ll be the Prince Charming or just another frog that’s best left un-kissed. After all, in the gay dating kingdom, "The Ick" is the jester that reigns supreme, turning potential romances into comedic tragedies, one quirky turn-off at a time.