Gay & Homeless

Dear 100Footer:

I am 18 years old, and I got kicked out of my house about 2 months ago. I don't have anywhere to stay, but I don't live the stereotypical vagrant lifestyle: I don't sleep on the sidewalk, I don't beg for change, I don't walk around with a shopping cart full of soda cans.

I am doing everything I can to get on with my life, which is a very difficult challenge. No one understands how it feels to have their life turned completely upside-down so suddenly. Imagine being a normal 18 year old... going to college, spending most of your free time with your friends, having a part time job at the mall, and dealing with the absence of high school.

Being 18 is tough enough on its own, it can actually be a little scary at times. The realization that you are going to have to be an adult soon is terrifying. Luckily, for most kids my age, they are gradually entered into the next stage in life. They have more responsibilities and freedom than they did in high school, but they still have there parents there to catch them if they fall.

I was one of those kids, until the day I was told by my mother that she wasn't going to support me anymore (it's a long story and this isn't the time or place to tell it). Everything I knew about this world was thrown out the window.

The change is overwhelmingly dramatic. I feel as though I followed a white rabbit into wonderland and everything is strange and backwards... I am originally from New Jersey and I decided to go to school in New York City.

I have been to the city a million times because I lived so close, but I never made any friends here because I just came to the city to hang out with my jersey friends, so I was alone. I didn't have a job because I was using the money that I had worked so hard to save to pay for school and so my parents agreed to at least pay for some of my living expenses until I found a job.

It was during the second week of school that my mother called me and told me what she had decided. They moved the money in my savings account to theirs, because they said that I had owed them for 18 years of support. I didn't know what to do, a week later my parents withdrew me and I was removed from housing.

That night I sat in a park and cried. That morning, while the sun was coming up, I decided that I was going to show them that I could make it on my own, and I promised myself that I would not let them ruin my life. I have a laptop and there's free Internet all over the city, so I could still have contact with the world.

On my gay dating app profile, I said that I had recently lost everything and that I was now homeless. In an instant my inbox became flooded with messages. 90% of them were from guys who wanted to help me out, and get a little something back. I'm not going to lie, I did accept one offer, and I was desperate. It was just a horrible experience, I felt so degraded and so used.

I never again accepted such offers. A month later, my profile still stated my situation, but it had an added disclaimer. I said that I would not reply to those kinds of offers, and that they offended me. It really did upset me sometimes, I live a lonely life, and to have people only want to help me because they think that they can take advantage of my misfortune, only makes me feel more alone.

More recently, people have been messaging me saying that I shouldn't say that I'm homeless on my profile because it turns guys off and that it doesn't have anything to do with meeting guys.

I don't even know what to say to them, my profile is who I am, and I can't understand them. Also, I have received several messages accusing me of making up the fact that I'm homeless in order to get guys to have sex with me for money, and I say to them that I clearly say that I do not want that in my profile.

Then they send me messages in reply that generally say "well if you're homeless how are you online, and how do you get money if you don't get it through prostitution?" and other interrogating questions. I cannot for the life of me understand why they feel the need to act this way, and the way I am treated makes me feel down and depressed.

I need some gay dating advice--I was wondering if you knew how I could let people get to know who I am, without being judged so much. I don't know what to do, I have no family, and no friends, and I am alone. I don't know what to do, I am trying so hard, but no one wants to be friends with a bum.

I'm not a bad person and I haven't done anything to anyone, but people keep treating me like a worthless piece of trash. I don't want to be judged like this anymore, am I asking too much, is it unreasonable, do I deserve to be so alone?

I would greatly appreciate any advice you could give me, I'm trying my hardest, and trying to ignore all the negative things, but everyday things begin to look more hopeless. Wow, ok, I’m sorry, that is a really long email. Even if you don’t reply or even read this, it did feel good to let it out.

ANSWER:

It's heartbreaking that your mother decided to throw you out of the house, and it's important to remember that this is not your fault. Being homeless at a young age can be incredibly challenging, but it's crucial to stay focused on moving forward. Reach out to local organizations or counselors that can provide support and guidance on reconnecting with your family, if that's something you desire. Remember, communication and understanding are key in rebuilding relationships.

Finding Housing and Support

As a young person experiencing homelessness, it's essential to find a safe and stable place to live. Look for youth shelters and organizations that focus on helping homeless LGBTQ+ individuals. These organizations can provide temporary housing, meals, and support services. Utilize online resources like the National Coalition for the Homeless or the True Colors United directories to find shelters and services in your area.

Job Assistance and Education

To gain independence and improve your situation, it's important to find a job and continue your education. Many organizations that support homeless youth offer job training and assistance programs. Take advantage of these resources to gain skills and find employment. Reach out to local colleges and universities to inquire about financial aid and scholarships for individuals facing hardships like yours. Education is a crucial step towards a brighter future.

Dating and Building Connections

When it comes to your dating app profile, consider focusing on the positive aspects of your life and personality. Share your interests, hobbies, and what you're looking for in a relationship. You can reveal your current living situation once you've built trust and connection with someone.

It's also important to find friends and build a support network outside of dating. Join local LGBTQ+ community centers or support groups where you can meet people who understand your situation and can offer friendship and guidance.

Dealing with Negative Comments

Unfortunately, some people may judge you or treat you unfairly because of your circumstances. It's important to stay strong and remember your worth. Surround yourself with positive influences and people who genuinely care for you. If someone makes negative assumptions or comments, try to ignore them and move on. Focus on the people who see your true value and are there to support you.

Staying Positive and Moving Forward

Facing homelessness at a young age is undoubtedly difficult, but it's important to remain hopeful and committed to improving your life. Lean on the support of organizations, resources, and individuals who genuinely care for you. Keep working towards your goals, and remember that your current situation does not define who you are or what you're capable of achieving.

I can assure you that many young people in similar situations have gone on to find success and happiness. Stay strong, stay positive, and never give up on yourself.