"My Ex Wants to See Our Dog, But My New Partner Doesn't Like It"

Dear 100footer:

I adopted a dog with my ex-partner, and we agreed that I would take the dog after we broke up. My new partner doesn't like that my ex still wants to see the dog, and I'm not sure what to do.

My ex and I adopted a dog together when we were dating. The dog was sick when we got her, and I'm a veterinarian, so I was better equipped to take care of her medical needs. I also paid for all of her food and vet bills during our relationship.

After we broke up, we agreed that I would take the dog because I could better provide for her needs. My ex was sad to see her go, but he understood. He still wants to see her every now and then, and I don't mind. I know he loves her just as much as I do.

I've been dating someone new for a few months, and he doesn't like that my ex still wants to see the dog. He thinks it's weird that I'm still in contact with my ex, and he's worried that I'm not over him.

I'm not over my ex, but I'm not in love with him anymore. I love my new partner, and I can see myself spending the rest of my life with him. But I also love my dog, and I don't want to keep her from seeing her dad.

I'm not sure what to do. I don't want to upset my new partner, but I also don't want to hurt my ex. I love them both, and I don't want to lose either of them.

What should I do?

-- Confused

Dear Confused:

Welcome to the rollercoaster world of post-breakup pet co-parenting.

If you've ever found yourself trapped in a love triangle where one of the parties is an adorable, tail-wagging furball, then buckle up, because we're about to navigate this doggone drama with the finesse of a cat landing on its feet.

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First things first, congratulations on being a dog parent! There's nothing quite like the love of a four-legged friend, who loves you unconditionally, even when you're in your PJs binge-watching reality TV and eating ice cream straight from the tub.

It's clear that you and your ex-partner, despite not acing the relationship test, managed to score high in the "amicable separation and pet-loving" department. So, gold stars (or doggy treats) all around!

Now, let's paws and acknowledge your current partner's feelings. They're valid, and it's important to recognize them. But let's not forget, we're dealing with a love triangle here, and one of the corners is covered in fur and probably drooling on your favorite shoes.

Your ex isn't an intrusive pop-up ad in your life; he's your dog's other parent. That shared history and affection for your pet is important and needs to be treated with care.

Solution 1: The Candid Chat & Supervised Visitation

Have a heart-to-heart with your current partner. Explain your ex's role - he's not your secret crush, but your dog's "other" human. If your partner is still uncomfortable, you could propose a supervised "visitation" for your ex. Maybe he can join you on a walk or at a dog park where your current partner can also be present. This way, everyone gets their fill of puppy love, and there's no ambiguity about your relationship with your ex.

Solution 2: The Joint Custody Approach

This option embraces a sort of joint custody arrangement for the dog. This respects your ex's love for the dog and your new partner's concerns. Arrange for the dog to spend some time with your ex, perhaps a couple of days every month. Your ex gets to see the dog, and it's structured in a way that might ease your new partner's worries. Bonus: your dog gets twice the love and attention, plus a change of scenery!

Solution 3: The Neutral Ground Meetup

You could arrange for your ex to see the dog in a neutral location, like a dog park. This feels less like you're still tangled with your ex and more like a meetup between old friends.

Plus, it's an opportunity to clearly define your relationship boundaries with your ex, showing your new partner that your focus is your dog's happiness, not reigniting an old flame.

The key in all this is clear communication with both your ex and your new partner. As long as everyone's feelings are considered and respected, you'll find the right way forward.

And hey, if all else fails, there's always the option of consulting a dog whisperer. They might be the next big thing in navigating these canine-related conundrums.