The Gay Couple's Guide to Not Killing Each Other in the First 365 Days

Oh boy, here we go, another article about gay relationships. Like we don't have enough drama in our lives already! But don't worry, dear reader, because your trusty bitchy ethicist is here to help you navigate the treacherous waters of gender roles and expectations.

Challenge #1: Communicate

Because apparently that's not obvious enough. Yes, I know, it's shocking that in order to have a successful relationship, you have to actually talk to your partner. But hey, maybe you've been too busy taking selfies to realize that your man is drowning in domestic duties. So, open your mouth and use your words! And I don't mean in a sexy way, although that can't hurt.

Example #1: "Hey babe, can you stop being a lazy ass and help me with the dishes?"

Example #2: "Listen here, sugar, I love you, but we need to talk about our priorities. You spending every night at the gym is not one of them."

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Challenge #2: Embrace Flexibility

Because let's face it, life is unpredictable. One minute you're on top, the next minute you're at the bottom. And I don't mean in a fun way, although that can be arranged. So, be willing to adapt and adjust your roles and responsibilities as needed. And if that means you have to get a little dirty, well, that's just part of the fun.

Example #1: "I know I said I was gonna be the big breadwinner, but now I want you to be my sugar daddy. Can you handle that, baby?"

Example #2: "I know we said we were gonna do everything 50/50, but I just got a manicure and I don't want to ruin it. Can you do the dishes tonight?"

Challenge #3: Challenge Gender Stereotypes

Because who has time for that nonsense? Just because you're a top doesn't mean you have to be a handyman, and just because you're a bottom doesn't mean you have to be a master chef. Embrace your inner diva and do what makes you happy, whether that's baking cupcakes or fixing the toilet.

Example #1: "I may be a man, but that doesn't mean I can't appreciate the finer things in life. Like a perfectly curated Pinterest board."

Example #2: "I may be a woman, but that doesn't mean I can't handle a power drill. And trust me, I know how to use it."

Establishing boundaries and individuality:

Challenge # 4: Managing expectations and goals

Ah, managing expectations and goals. Another challenge in the never-ending saga of gay relationships. But fear not, my fabulous friends, because your trusty bitchy ethicist is here with some sage advice.

Tip #1: Be honest with yourself and your partner about your expectations and goals. If you're looking for a serious, long-term commitment, then say so. If you're just looking for a casual fling, then make that clear. And if you're not sure what you want, then say that too. Honesty is the foundation of any healthy relationship, so don't be afraid to speak your mind.

Example #1: "Listen honey, I know we've been dating for a while, but I'm not looking for anything too serious right now. I just want to have some fun and enjoy your company."

Example #2: "Sweetheart, I'm really looking for someone to settle down with and build a life together. Are you on the same page?"

Tip #2: Be realistic about your goals and expectations. Yes, we all want a partner who is rich, attractive, and emotionally stable, but let's face it, that's not always realistic. So, be willing to compromise and adjust your expectations as needed. And if you're not willing to compromise, then be prepared to spend a lot of time alone with your unrealistic expectations.

Example #1: "Look, I know I said I wanted someone who looks like Chris Hemsworth, but let's be real, I'll settle for someone who looks like his second cousin twice removed."

Example #2: "I know I said I wanted someone who is emotionally stable, but let's face it, we're all a little crazy. As long as he's willing to own it, I can work with that."

Tip #3: Focus on the journey, not just the destination. Yes, we all have goals and aspirations, but sometimes we get so caught up in achieving them that we forget to enjoy the journey. So, take time to appreciate the little moments and the small victories along the way. And if you're not enjoying the journey, then maybe it's time to reevaluate your goals and expectations.

Example #1: "I know I said I wanted to be a millionaire by the time I'm 30, but you know what? I'm happy just enjoying a glass of wine with my man and watching the sunset."

Example #2: "I know I said I wanted to travel the world and see everything, but you know what? I'm happy just exploring my own city with my partner and discovering new things together."

Challenge #5 Conflict Resolution

Oh boy, conflict resolution in a gay relationship. That's like trying to teach a cat to swim. But fear not, dear reader, because your trusty bitchy ethicist is here with some tips on how to resolve conflicts in your relationship.

Tip #1: Stay calm and rational. Yes, I know it's hard when you're in the heat of the moment, but yelling and screaming is not going to solve anything. So, take a deep breath, count to 10, and try to approach the situation with a clear head.

Example #1: "Honey, I know we're upset right now, but let's take a minute to cool off and come back to this when we're both calmer."

Example #2: "Sweetheart, I understand that you're frustrated, but yelling at me is not going to solve anything. Let's try to have a calm, rational discussion."

Tip #2: Listen actively to your partner. Yes, I know, listening is not as fun as talking, but it's a crucial part of resolving conflicts. So, put down your phone, turn off the TV, and really listen to what your partner is saying. And if you're not sure what they mean, ask for clarification.

Example #1: "I hear that you're upset about the way I handled that situation. Can you help me understand what specifically you didn't like?"

Example #2: "I'm hearing that you're feeling neglected and unappreciated. Is there anything I can do to make you feel more valued?"

Tip #3: Find a solution that works for both of you. Yes, I know, compromise is not as fun as getting your way all the time, but it's a necessary part of any healthy relationship. So, be willing to find a solution that works for both partners, even if it's not exactly what you wanted.

Example #1: "I know we have different ideas about how to spend our vacation, but can we find a compromise that includes some of what we both want?"

Example #2: "I understand that you don't like my friends, but can we find a way to include them in our social life without it causing conflict between us?"

Conclusion

Ah, so you've made it to the end of my tips for navigating the treacherous waters of a gay relationship. Congratulations, you sad, lonely, but incredibly fabulous reader.

But seriously, folks, it's not easy being gay and trying to make a relationship work. From managing expectations and goals, to navigating gender roles and expectations, to resolving conflicts, it's a veritable minefield of drama and chaos.

But if you're willing to put in the work, you can find a balance that works for both of you. And if you're not willing to put in the work, well, then you're just gonna be single for a really long time. And that's okay, too. Some of us are meant to be fabulous and alone.

So, remember, communication is key, flexibility is essential, and honesty is the foundation of any successful relationship. And if you can't remember any of that, just remember this: don't be a drama queen, don't be a diva, and don't forget to have some fun along the way.