How To Navigate the Awkwardness of Defining Your Relationship

Dear 100footer:

I've only been on the dating scene for a little while, and to be honest, it hasn't been amazing. It took me some time to get comfortable and start meeting new people, and I'm still figuring it out.

I've been hanging out with this really cool person for a few months now, and things seem to be going pretty good. We chat every day and go on fun dates once or twice a week. It's been a blast and I really like being with them! But now I'm not sure what happens next. Both of us are kinda awkward when it comes to talking about our feelings and stuff.

Do you think there's a moment where you're supposed to just look at the person and ask, "What are we, anyway?" And if there is, how do you know when that time has come? Will I mess things up if I ask? Or will things get messed up if I don't ask?

--Wondering

Straight to the Point: The 'What Are We?' Talk

Let's cut to the chase. You're not messing things up by asking what your relationship status is. It's a valid question and needs an answer. Communication is key in any relationship, gay, straight, or otherwise.

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Navigating the Sea of Awkwardness

Talking about feelings, let's admit it, can be pretty uncomfortable, like dancing in shoes two sizes too small. We often prefer the safety of ambiguity rather than the potential awkwardness of a candid discussion. But ignoring these feelings is like brushing crumbs under the carpet — it may clean up the immediate mess, but it doesn’t get rid of the underlying problem.

Suppose you're watching a movie together, sitting so close you can feel the heat radiating off each other. Suddenly, a romantic scene comes on, and it makes you wonder if that could be you two someday. But then the doubt creeps in, and you start questioning whether you two are just friends or something more. The movie ends, you say your goodbyes, and you're left with that gnawing question - what are we to each other?

Let's take another scenario. You're hanging out with your friends, and they start asking about this person you've been spending a lot of time with. They want to know if it's serious. You shrug and change the topic, but inside, you're asking yourself the same thing.

The point is, the awkwardness will continue to build until it becomes a looming question mark hanging over both of your heads. It's better to face it head-on and have that conversation.

Figuring Out the 'When' in the Question

Moving on to the next question that's bugging you: when should you pop the 'What are we?' question? Timing, as they say, is everything, and it's no different here. But how do you know when the time is right?

Think about it like this: you're on a road trip without a map. You've been enjoying the ride, the scenery, the company.

But as the miles add up, you start wondering where you're going. Is it a dead-end, a detour, or a straight path to a defined destination? That's the point where you need to ask for directions, to make sure you're not lost.

Now, apply this metaphor to your situation. If you're starting to feel uncertain about your relationship status, that's probably your cue. You've been on this journey with this person, and it's only natural to want to know your destination.

So, next time you're on a date or just having a casual conversation, and the moment feels right, muster up your courage and ask. There's no perfect moment carved in stone, but when the question starts affecting your peace of mind, that's a pretty good sign that it's time to ask.

Remember, it's not an interrogation, but a conversation. A check-in to see if you're both on the same page. It's about creating clarity in a situation that can potentially get messy if left unaddressed.

Decoding the Right Moment

Navigating the dating world can feel like trying to decipher an ancient language, especially when it comes to deciding when to bring up defining the relationship.

Timing is a crucial factor, yet it remains one of the most challenging aspects to pin down. It's less about pinpointing a specific time frame and more about recognizing emotional cues and shared experiences.

Let's envision this with a scenario: you're cooking dinner together, the conversation flows easily, and there's a warm sense of comfort.

Yet, there's also an undercurrent of uncertainty tugging at the back of your mind. As you're chopping vegetables side by side, the question brews: "What are we?" It might feel impromptu or scary, but if the question is persisting, it's probably a good moment to address it.

Or picture another situation: you're at a party together, and a friend refers to your companion as your boyfriend. Both of you share a puzzled look, an unspoken confusion hanging in the air. This is another sign that it's time to have 'the talk'.

And don't forget about personal milestones. Have you recently faced a crisis and they stood by your side? Or maybe you've started leaving things at each other's place? These are indications of deepening intimacy and a clear sign that it's time to discuss your relationship status.

Remember, there isn't a strict timetable for these discussions, but when you're invested emotionally and spending considerable time together, it's fair to want clarity.

Navigating the Fear of Ruin

The fear of ruining a good thing by asking "What are we?" is a common anxiety. The elephant in the room can be intimidating to confront. But the truth is, asking doesn't doom a relationship; poor communication does.

Imagine a scenario where you both enjoy the casual dates and daily chats. It's thrilling and comfortable, but it's like a beautiful garden with a hidden patch of quicksand.

The more you invest, the more you risk falling in without knowing what you're getting into. Not addressing your relationship status can lead to misunderstandings, incorrect assumptions, and ultimately, heartache.

In contrast, let's consider a different scenario: you gather your courage and ask the question, even though your heart is racing. Yes, it feels risky. It's like stepping onto a tightrope. But the beauty of open communication is that it turns that single tightrope into a sturdy bridge. Whether you get the answer you were hoping for or not, you have clarity and can move forward accordingly.

Thus, the fear of ruining a relationship by asking "What are we?" should be replaced with the fear of fostering an ambiguous relationship where no one truly knows where they stand. Remember, it's far more beneficial to open the lines of communication, even if it feels daunting.