Why Are Gay Guys Such Teases?

Why Do Guys Flirt But Then Reject Your Advances?

Dear 100Footer:

Why is it that every guy I come across toys with my desires, then dons a saintly halo at the last moment saying, "I’m not the easy type"?

Take for instance the flight attendant I met on a business trip. He agreed to spend a weekend with me. After a fabulous dinner, the heat started cranking up at my place. There we were, in a mouth-to-mouth, handsy tango. I took the next logical step, and apparently, I crossed his invisible line.

He gave me the "I don’t do first-date sex" line. In my head, I’m going, “Sure, Sky Siren, we totally believe you.” Riled up, I called him out for the high-flying Casanova he was pretending not to be. After a heated exchange, my anger got the better of me and the night ended prematurely.

So, I’m left with two conundrums: Firstly, why do guys insist on being such tantalizing tormentors? Secondly, how do I keep my rage in check when the offer of a steamy session turns into a cold shower?

--- Livid and Confused

Dear Livid:

Why are all these guys such tantalizing tormentors? Because they’re going out with a real piece of work.

Had I been the In-flight Angel, I would've wished for an eject button at 30,000 feet. Barring that, a personal parachute.

Really, if a flight attendant is turning you down, you've got to look inward. Usually, one peck and they're singing "Up, up, and away!"

Guys are leaving you cold because you radiate an air of entitlement. No one is obligated to end a date in the bedroom, even if they've shared a passionate kiss or picked up the check.

Are you borrowing from a straight playbook? “Date rape” isn’t something we should be emulating.

Here’s what I think: You're used to having your way in all things and hearing "no" sends you into a toddler tantrum.

Don't get me wrong, it’s not unreasonable to expect some action after a date, even to look forward to it. But the right response to a "no" is disappointment, not rage.

You seriously need to look into therapy. Understand why you need sex as validation. Learn to value companionship, kisses, and attention as much as you do the act.

If therapy is not an option, here are three alternatives:

Don a flashing sign saying, "Give It Up or Get Out," so your dates know what they're signing up for. No, I don't have a spare one.

Try self-reflection. Why does denial spark such anger in you? Put yourself in their shoes. Imagine someone forcing you after you’ve decided against it. To learn, start asking guys out and YOU be the one to turn down sex. Enjoy the company, even without the expectation of intimacy.

Brush up your wooing skills. Remember, there’s a fine line between seduction and force, and it’s all in the salesmanship. As it stands, you couldn’t sell ice to someone stranded in a desert.