Do You Really Want to Scream 'I'm the Ugly One' on Your Profile?

Stop posting group photos on your main profile pics. They're only showing dudes how much hotter your friends are. It's like standing next to a Lambo in sweatpants. No amount of clever angles or filter tricks will make you look better. You just highlight how average you are by comparison.

We Can't Tell Who TF You Are

When a pic pops up featuring you and your booze-drenched brunch crew, we immediately play Sherlock Holmes trying to decipher which blurred-out basic gay is behind the profile. Is it the twink in the mesh tank? The otter repping his toxic masculinity with a backwards cap? Or the potato queen squeezed between the two? 

Listen, we get it's not always easy finding a good solo shot where the angle and lighting make you look like an Instagram model. But...

You're Not Fooling Anyone, Sis 

Here's a fact your delusional ass needs to accept - no one is swiping right for your personality. They just wanna bang. So when your solo selfies don't match up with the curated group shots, don't be shocked when Mr. Right Now ghosts you after the first date. 

He showed up expecting Zac Efron and got Zach Galifianakis. Of course he's not calling back. Would you, if the flirty texts you got were from Chris Hemsworth but Chris Christie walked in? We didn't think so, boo. The first rule of gay app dating is honesty.

We're Comparison Shopping, Honey

Let's be real, the only reason you squeezed your basic ass into the corner of that shot with your fit friends is because you know we're comparison shopping. You wanna ride those coattails and get some residual swipes from the thirst traps in your squad. 

But here's the thing - you don't look better standing next to superior specimens. You just look worse. Have some self-respect! Would you go to a car dealership and park your '97 Corolla next to the latest Porsche models? Bitch, no. So stop pulling this shit on your dating profiles.

You're Not Even Trying with These Group Shots 

We get it, you have no personality and your face is busted. But posting lazy group pics instead of putting in minimal effort for a solo shot tells us you've given up completely. Have some pride and fake it till you make it! 

Slap on a filter, master some angles, and crop your hot friends out of the pic. If you lead with your best self instead of the three randos you dragged to brunch, you might score some mercy swipes from guys with low standards.

Might.

Listen, we're not saying you can't have hot friends. We're just saying don't stand next to them in pics. Ever. It's the dating app equivalent of a short guy standing with tall friends or a flat chick hanging with her busty besties. All it does is scream LOOK AT ME - I'M THE LOSER!

Just Stop.

Delete those disingenuous group photos stat. They create confusion about who you are, invite unflattering comparisons, and scream "I'm basic!" louder than a Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Latte. 

Have some self-respect. Put in the bare minimum effort to take a decent solo shot that shows your mediocre mug in the best possible light. No more standing next to your hot friends like a garbage bag next to a Gucci purse. Crop them out or fly your DUFF flag high and own it.