Don't Swipe Left on Sanity: Our Guide to The Traps of Gay Dating

Get ready to dive into the glorious disaster that is gay dating, where the search for love can feel like navigating a minefield in stilettos. So, darling, grab your cocktails and strap in for a fabulous, raucous ride through our comically tragic attempts to find that elusive unicorn: the perfect man.

Infatuation: The Highway to Dumbassville

Infatuation, the drug that makes your brain go kaput. It's the feeling that makes you ignore all the red flags and jump headfirst into a dumpster fire. Take our buddy "Chad" here, who thought it would be smart to get matching tattoos with a guy he knew for a week. Spoiler alert: it wasn't. Don't let infatuation turn you into a certified moron. Build a solid foundation with a caring partner, not just someone who makes you feel all tingly inside but has the personality of a wet sock.

Social Skills: The Dating Circus Act

Dating is like practicing your tightrope walking skills on a high wire over a pit of fire. Use it as a chance to improve your social skills, because let's be real, we're all just one bad joke away from becoming social pariahs. Our friend "Mike" learned this the hard way when he told a date about his extensive Beanie Baby collection. Spoiler alert: there wasn't a second date.

Sacrifices: Romancing the Whine

In the twisted world of love, sacrifices must be made. Quit your bellyaching and compromise like a grown-up, because no one wants to date a toddler in an adult's body. Remember "Larry"? He thought his partner should cook, clean, and bring him breakfast in bed every day. Guess who's eating cereal alone now?

Opposites Attract: When Worlds Collide

Are you done dating your doppelganger? Good! Look for an empowering partner, not someone who's a carbon copy of you. "Steve" thought it was a great idea to date someone who shared his passion for interpretive dance. Now they're fighting over whose performance was more "authentic." The lesson? Diversify, kids.

Digital Flirting: Escape the Matrix

So you matched with someone online, and now you're stuck in an endless loop of memes and emojis. Take a leap of faith and meet in person already! Don't be like "Rick," who spent months chatting with a guy only to discover he was a catfishing pro with a penchant for taxidermy.

Genuine Interest: Sniffing Out the Fakes

When seeking a partner, find someone who's truly into you, not just your ability to serve as their personal ego booster. "Danny" thought he found the perfect guy, but it turns out he was just looking for a human mirror to admire himself in. Yikes!

Imperfection: The Land of Misfit Toys

Surprise! No one's perfect. Give potential partners a chance, even if they're not your ideal match on paper. Remember when "Ted" thought he could only date Calvin Klein models? Well, he finally realized that dating someone with a personality is way more fun.

Curiosity Killed the Cat: But Made Better Lovers

Seek partners who are curious about life and interested in self-improvement. No one wants to date a human encyclopedia with no desire to learn anything new. Take "Dave," for example, who claimed to have "mastered" yoga after one YouTube tutorial. Spoiler alert: Dave's love life is about as flexible as a wooden plank.

Clarity: Read the Signs, Sherlock

If someone's into you, they'll make it clear. Don't waste your time on mind games and vague signals. "Jeff" spent months trying to decipher mixed messages from a guy who couldn't decide whether he wanted to be friends or lovers. In the end, Jeff realized he should have just asked.

Sexual Health: HIV Testing

Don't play Russian roulette with your health. Prioritize sexual health by getting tested for HIV together. We all remember "Tom," who thought a mutual love for romantic comedies was enough to ensure a healthy relationship. Spoiler alert: it wasn't. So grab your partner, and march your love-struck butts to the nearest clinic.