Deciphering His Online Profile: What His Coded Words Really Mean

How To Read Between The Lines of His Gay Dating Profile

This post is part of our Gay App Dating Series.

When it comes to online dating, words are like secret codes waiting to be cracked. Every phrase, every choice of word in his profile holds a clue. Is he "adventurous"? That might mean he's always on the go, not just in travel, but maybe in relationships too.

Deciphering these words is not just about understanding who he is; it's about understanding if his values align with yours.

Photos are not just about physical attraction; they are narratives in themselves. A slew of party pics might indicate a social butterfly, but could also hint at a party and drug-heavy lifestyle.

A profile without pictures or with very vague images might be protecting privacy, or it could be a red flag for someone not fully open about who they are and what they look like. Understanding the subtext in profile words and photos will help you separate not just the honest from the dishonest, but whether he's the guy for you.

Secret signals hiding in his profile.

Pay attention to the quality of photos. Don’t roll your eyes—this is not another “Captain Obvious” moment. There’s an art to examining a potential partners’ photos. And it’s not just focusing on whether it made a certain part of your anatomy point north either.

Beware the following:

Photos that are a little too good. Make sure he has several photos posted and that he hasn’t cribbed a shot from the latest Italian GQ issue. A too perfect shot is a red-flag.

Too many sexy shots. As I’ve said before, you should post shirtless shots whether you’re on Dick Central or The Love Boat. But come on, if you’re on a match.com or Hinge and there’s nothing BUT shirtless shots, he’s selling his appeal inside the bedroom not out. If you’re looking for more than a notch in your lipstick case, he ain’t the one.

No pictures, faceless photos or too few pictures. He’s either the kind of closet case that’s running the Republican National Committee or he’s so ugly he’s got to beat his feet to go to bed with him.

Mixed signals. I love this phrase: “Fun and possible LTR.” Here’s the translation: Sex, drugs and rock and roll. And if he lives through the night, marriage. There’s nothing wrong with this kind of guy, but if you’re looking to settle down, it ain’t gonna be with this waffler.

Spot the scene queen. Once, I got a letter from a 21 year old guy who waxed poetic about wanting to settle down to a serious relationship. He sent it from an email address that had the words “party time” in it. Uhm, hello?

If you want to separate the posers from the people who are serious about dating, you have to pay attention to inconsistencies. You know, like saying you’re open to an LTR and posting dick pictures. That kind of thing.

Understanding Coded Language

People use code to communicate. For instance:

“Must keep up with me.” Um, doing what, may I ask?
“No drama!” Usually means they ARE drama, so be prepared for it.
Hip spellings/string of slangs. Beware certain words like “boi” for boy or those who try to prove their coolness with slang. Example: "Hot boi ISO a VGL str8 acting guy 4 LTR or NSA fun.” You don’t need a decoder ring to tell that this guy has an LTR waaaay down his list. He’s on the hunt for a good time.

How To Spot The Future Husband

Guys interested in LTRs tend to write things like, “friends first, relationship later.” Also, they rarely over-sexualize their pictures and profiles. Another indication that he’s more than a partier—a list of fascinating hobbies and interests. This shows he doesn’t spend all his time scoring drugs or dancing ‘til dawn.

Read Between The Lines

Your potential lover-boy may say he’s mellow, warm and fuzzy, but read between the lines. If he rants about something—politics, work, or anything really—he’s not necessarily all that mellow now, is he?

SUMMARY

Beware of photos that are too good. There’s a high potential that they’re not his, or altered so much that he hardly looks like his pics.
Watch out for too many sexy shots. They’re fine for hookup sites, but if they’re on a dating site, whoa. He’s telling you he’d rather screw than date.
No pictures or too few. Run! He’s either a closet case or a clock stopper.
Beware coded language. Anybody who uses a lot of abbreviations (boi for boy) is a player. You may want to hook up with a player but you certainly don’t want to date one.