How To Build A Smokin' Hot Dating Profile
Create a Dating Profile That Attracts An Unfair Amount of Attention
“Hey! You’ve made a spectacular choice by clicking on my profile!”
So far we've discussed
How To Come Up With A Profile Username That Commands Attention and
Use The Rule of 9's For Gay App Photos. Now it's time to heat up your profile.
While your username whispers a sense of who you are, your profile screams it. And it has an enormous influence on whether guys contact you or not. Most people are surprised by two key findings in online research: a) Profiles are almost as important in hookup sites as relationship sites and b) Short profiles work best.
You shouldn’t be writing long fawning essays in your profile. In fact, read our post on
what NOT to say in your profile. They should be as short as a stripper's butt-thong--short enough to capture attention but long enough to cover the essentials.
The Function of a Gay Dating Profile
Remember, your profile isn’t there to qualify somebody for a hookup or marriage. It’s main function is to GET YOU TO THE NEXT STEP (a phone # or a meet-up). And the only thing that gets you to the next step is to rationally convince guys that you’ve answered their three main concerns: 1) Are you good looking enough? 2) Are you interesting enough? 3) Are we at all compatible?
What Not To Use In a Profile: Cliches
Let’s start with a simple question: How many times have you seen these lines in a profile?
- I am a fun person who loves movies and music.
- I like walks on the beach, good conversation, and dining out.
- I'm looking for someone who is fun and can make me laugh.
You’ve probably seen something like it. Or, God forbid, written something like it. It goes without saying that you should avoid clichés like the plague. And yes, I realize I just used a cliche to warn you off cliches.
Seriously, clichés are instant turn-offs. They signal that you’ve got the creativity of a walnut. And worse, it implies that you don’t put much energy into your love life (or, God forbid, your sex life).
Turn Cliches Into Something Interesting
Cliché: I like walking on the beach and watching the sunrise.
The problem: Who doesn’t? (well, I don’t know about sunRISE; how about sunset? Either way, it’s a throwaway line. Delete, delete, delete.
Better:
Talk about other things you like doing. Better yet, tell us why you like what you like. For example, if you’re into cooking, explain why it’s fun: “I like finding a nice wine to chill while introducing people to new takes on old recipes.” NOW your potential Mr. Right can begin to see himself with you.
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Cliché: I’m a hopeless romantic.
The problem: What does that really mean anyway?
Better: Explain how you show your romanticism: “You will never butter your own bread if I take you out to dinner.”
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Cliché:
Equally comfortable in black tie or blue jeans
The problem: Who are you, James Bond? Most guys rarely wear tuxes. Pretentious much?
Better:
If fashion is important to you, include some photos of your personal style and explain your unique vision. This will help prospects understand you better—which always makes for a better match.
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Cliché:
Love dinner and a movie
Problem: Wow, so original. This kind of statement screams “I’m not very imaginative.”
Better: The best dates are planned together based on mutual interests, so it’s probably best to put your interests out there instead. If there is mutual interest, you guys will figure it out.
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Cliché:
Hey, I've never done this before!
Problem: Yeah, right. Causing guys to roll their eyes in irritation or disbelief is never a good attraction technique.
Better: Hit the delete key. There’s no way this is believable or salvageable.
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Cliché:
I know how to treat a guy.
Problem: If you tell someone that you know how to treat them, you’ve just proven that you do NOT, because nobody likes to have assumptions made about what they do or do not like.
Better: Show, don’t tell. Give examples of good treatment, or simply explain why you think it’s important to pamper your partner.
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Cliché: I’m looking for a soul mate.
Problem: Too cheesy and sounds like a bad pick-up line.
Better: ANYTHING.
The cure for cliché is details. Replace clichéd words or phrases with details about yourself and it will make anybody reading it say, “Tonight just got more interesting.”
So, for example, instead of "I like movies," write "my favorite movie is ____ because _______." Or, use a movie character to describe you. "I'm a lot like _____ in ______ because _______."
What to Include in a Hot Gay Dating Profile
Now that you’ve deleted the crappy stuff, let’s look at the ways that you can stand out:
Include pop-culture references.
Your profile should give potential Mr. Rights something to ask you about, whether it’s music, sports, movies, theater or art. So mention that you can’t wait to read David Sedaris’ latest, for example, or that you’re addicted to Glee, or that you have season tickets to the opera. By mentioning your cultural reference points, you’ll make it easy for someone with the same tastes to get in touch with you.
Also, try comparing yourself to a pop-culture figure. Saying, “I’m not as brash as Larry David in Curb Your Enthusiasm, but I’m close” is funny and it’ll get you honesty points. Or something like, “I dance better than Napoleon Dynamite—but not by much.” If they’re actually a fan of the show or movie you mention, there’s no way they can pass you by without at least saying hello.
Tell us what’s wrong with you.
Divulging a flaw is one of the easiest ways to win “awww” points. Just make sure to be charming about it. Nobody wants to know that you only shower on Thursdays, but if you tell us you’re a genius in nanotechnology but can’t figure out how to operate the remote, we’re going to really like you.
Tell us your career...if you must
If your career is important to you and you want to mention it, fine, just don’t wave your resume at us. You’re not applying for a job, you’re looking to make a connection. Don’t trace your career back to your college minor, list every job you’ve had since high school, or detail every accomplishment in your brilliant career. You’ll come across pompous and egotistical.
Show, don’t tell.
Jane Austen never wrote, “Elizabeth Bennet was clever.” Stephen King never wrote, “The old house was scary.” Stephanie Meyer never wrote, “Edward was gorgeous.” (Oh wait. She did. Endless times. Never mind.) Please, don’t tell me that you’re funny and smart. Show me, through stories, anecdotes and observations.
Get really specific. Specific details give the other person a starting place to write that first email. Include all your interests and remember that theses pieces of information allow your Mr. Right to piece together your personality.
One warning, though: being specific doesn’t give you license to use clichés (I like pina coladas and getting caught in the rain. AAARGH!)—even if you mean them in an ironic way. The problem is that irony and sarcasm don’t translate well online. They have the potential to backfire.
Be Kind.
I don’t know how many times I’ve read profiles that say, “Disease free and intend to stay that way.” That’s not only insulting to HIV+ guys but to their negative friends as well. If HIV is that big an issue for you (and it shouldn’t be—ever heard of safe sex?), then at least write, “Please be HIV negative. Thanks.” Ask for what you want without being cruel. The same goes for that awful “no fats or fems” lines. Delete, delete, delete. How about, “Prefer lean and masculine guys?” There’s such a thing as Online Karma.
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