What Never To Do In A Conversation Opener

How To Find Other Gay Guys

Not By Using Pickup Lines, That's For Sure

Note: this is part of our how to meet gay guys and find a boyfriend series.

Pickup lines don’t work. Don’t use them. Ever. They’re nothing but comedic one-liners and they practically skywrite your intentions. If you use a pickup line with somebody who doesn’t know you --and isn’t sure he wants to--he’s going to shut you down faster than a unionized Wal-Mart.

While we’re on the subject of WHAT NOT TO DO, a good opener never subjects Shagability to a barrage of questions like what’s your name or what do you do for a living? Generic questions like that are the equivalent of asking, “How about some dick?”

Now, there’s always room for a direct opener (“you’re hot, what’s your name?”), but they only work if the guy’s showing you more interest than a Bank of America savings account.

For every one else, striking up a conversation must be disarming, non-threatening, and most of all, non-sexual. It can’t be perceived as an attempt to pick up. If you’re not a threat, Shagability will have no problem talking to you. And talking is the first step to knowing you.

Let’s take a close look at the difference between a good opener and a bad one. Which would make Shagability want to talk to you?

Opener A: “Hi, how are you? What’s your name?”

Opener B: “Hey, let me get your take on something. My friend wants to name his new puppies after an 80’s pop duo. What do you think of “Milli Vanilli”?

The first opener asks, “How about some dick?”

The second one asks, “How about some fun?”

The Comedy Club of Courtship

Think of pickup lines as the bad stand-up comedy of the dating world. Lines like "Are you a magician? Because whenever I look at you, everyone else disappears," sound more like a joke than a genuine attempt at starting a conversation. They set the stage for a performance, not a connection.

Broadcasting Desperation, Not Desire

Using a pickup line is akin to walking around with a sign that says, "Desperate for attention." It’s not just transparent; it's painfully obvious. It screams, "I'm trying too hard," and can make the receiver feel like they're just another target in your game of darts.

The Misfire of Misunderstood Intentions

When you throw out a pickup line, it often comes across as insincere or superficial. The receiver might think, "Is this all you've got?" or worse, "Is this how you approach everyone?" It reduces the complex art of attraction to a cheap, one-size-fits-all tactic.

The Unintended Comedy of Errors

The irony of pickup lines is that they're meant to be clever and charming, but often end up being neither. They can turn a potentially interesting conversation into an awkward chuckle and an eye roll. For instance, saying "Do you have a map? I keep getting lost in your eyes," can quickly turn into an express ticket to eye-roll city.

The Antithesis of Authenticity

Authenticity is key in any meaningful interaction. Pickup lines are the antithesis of this. They’re rehearsed, recycled, and reek of inauthenticity. A genuine compliment or a thoughtful observation is infinitely more effective than a line that’s been used a thousand times.

The Bottom Line

In the grand scheme of social interaction, pickup lines are the equivalent of using a weak Wi-Fi signal in a world of high-speed connections. They might occasionally get you where you want to go, but more often than not, they'll leave you buffering in a sea of awkwardness and missed connections. Authenticity, observation, and genuine interest are the true currencies of connection – invest in these, and ditch the one-liners.

Next week I'm going to show you more inventive, rejection-proof openers. If you want to get a head start grab your copy of Meet Hotter Gay Guys. The 21 Day Plan To Overcome Your Fear of Rejection, Master the Art of Icebreakers and Snag Guys You Never Thought You Could Get.

Because hey, that's where we are stealing all our ideas :-)