The Case for "Fake Fagging"

Some guys will do anything to get laid. Craig has a rather unusual way to hook up with beautiful women: He pretends he’s gay. He goes to gay bars, spots a beautiful woman and strikes up a conversation. How does he do it?

And is it ethical to lie your way into a woman’s panties? Craig’s gay friend Mark thinks so, and he let him have it when they were waiting for a tennis court to open up. More on my views after their dialogue.

Craig: It’s just a white lie, Mark. I don’t know why you’re so upset about it.

Mark: Because it’s LYING.

Craig: Oh, and you’ve never lied to get laid?

Mark: Never!

Craig: Then why does your online profile say you’re ten years younger than you really are?

Mark: That’s different.

Craig: Pretending you’re thirty is acceptable but pretending you’re gay isn’t?

Mark: Age is just a number.

Craig: Gay is just an orientation.

Mark: How do you get these women anyway.

Craig: Easy. I do what you guys do—I play the sensitive card. I say something about she’s wearing, I talk to her like a friend. Then I complain that my relationships with guys never work out and that if I could I’d turn myself straight. I sort of wonder out loud what it’d be like to be with a woman. Then I tease her and say “Hey, maybe you’re the woman who could turn me straight.”

Mark: That’s it? That’s all it takes?

Craig: Well, that and three or four cosmos.

Mark: I can’t believe they can’t see through that shit.

Craig: That’s because you don’t sleep with women. They love a challenge and there’s no bigger challenge than turning a gay guy straight.

Mark: But what about the next day? Do you fess up?

Craig: Depends. See there’s a built-in escape hatch. If all I want to do is fuck them I just tell them, look, I’m gay, we had a fun night, let’s just leave it at that.

Mark: And if you want to see them again?

Craig: Well, yeah, then it gets a little sticky.

Mark: A little? How could a woman ever trust you when you start out tricking her into bed?

Craig: Come on, Mark! A little fake fagging isn’t going to prevent a woman from falling in love.

Mark: Fake fagging?

Craig: Don’t get all politically correct on me, man.

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So is playing gay to get the girl unethical? Yes. And I highly recommend it. Sure it’s dishonest but it’s dishonesty on the level of telling your girlfriend, “No, you don’t look fat in those jeans, honey.”

Everyone lies to get laid. We just don’t admit to it. We call it “exaggerating” (No, really, I love post-modern art), or “fudging” (Of course that’s my Mercedes!) or “stretching the truth” (No, I don’t have a boyfriend, why?).

Not all lies are the same, of course. A waiter pretending to be a banker to seduce a golddigger is not the same thing as a boyfriend pretending to be faithful when he’s not.

If you’re aiming for a relationship don’t lie. But if all you’re aiming for is a little action, then why not? Lying is a time-honored seduction ritual, right up there with alcohol.