I Survived a Week of Swiping Right So You Don't Have To

What's UP homos, it's your disaster gay Samantha ready with some piping hot app reviews! Now I know you digital dickpigs think you've tested ALL the options for guys - the bathhouses! The bars! But have you slayed the ultimate beast? Trying EVERY SINGLE gay dating app in one week?!🏳️‍🌈

Well this thirsty queen took one for the team and underwent that trashfire gauntlet, just for YOU divas! Here's the DL on my road to app approval and beyond! 😜

Grindr

Look, we ALL know Grindr's reputation! Big on horny "sup" vibes and torso pics, short on substance. 🍆👀 Tried my luck messaging 10 luscious lads but just got 2 solicited ass shots and a unsolicited dick pic in response. Hard pass! As if I'd drool over random anaconda surprise! 🐍 Sashay away!

Tinder

Swiped right on 100 cuties on Tinder this week! Matched with 30, chatted with 5, and met up for drinks with 2 honeybears. One was a catfish using old pics 🐠but the other was a 6'3 total studmuffin! 😍 We hooked up back at his place after bottomless mimosas. Overall, a decent experience!

Scruff

Scruff had a decent variety of gentlemen callers, woof! Chatted with a few charming silver foxes and a hipster otter type. We exchanged snaps of our beards and pets before the convo kinda fizzled though. No hot hookups here but still an app win for lazy flirting!

Growlr

Calling all bears and cubs! Growlr is built for big, burly, hairy fellas and their admirers, aka yours truly! Chubby chasers unite! Made a date with an absolute SNACK of a wolfhound-esque man. We met up, exchanged belly rubs, and woofed over pizza. Didn't lead to bones but we're meeting again next week!

Recon

Unless you're kinky, leave Recon alone gals! This fetish app delivers leather, latex, and lace galore. I indulged my inner deviant and made a date with a dom top named Rocco. Rocco "punished" me for being 5 minutes late...with exquisite tickle torture and light spanking! Fun first taste of BDSM. A bit hardcore for my tastes but great for naughty nutjobs! 😈👠

Bumble

Bumble's gimmick is letting ladies message first, but I played by the rules! Buzzed 30 buds and got some high quality conversations out of it! No bad pick-up lines or eggplant emojis! Met up with an adorkable tech nerd for a boba date. He's a keeper - we're trivia nighting next week! Major cuddlebug potential!🐝

Taimi

My favorite LGBTQ+ app find! Made new trans and lesbian friends, met queer activists and kiki'd in chat rooms for HOURS! Even found an intellectual non-binary cutie for a museum date. We stan spaces for building community! Get you an app that does both! 👯‍♂️ 🏳️‍🌈

Lex

 Damn Lex's vibe is suave! It's text-only, but the wittiest womyn and non-binary hotties are here! Flirted up a storm with them. Met a razor-sharp non-binary writer named Grey for coffee. The steamy wordplay flowed into an invite back to their place...what happens off Lex stays off Lex! 🤫😉

So there you have it divas! Quality over quantity is key when using these apps. I encourage taking things offline sooner than later - no pointless pen pal stuff! And follow your fantasies, whether vanilla or more freaky deaky! Now go get some, hennies! 💦😘