Finding Your Way in the Gay Dating Maze

Dear 100Footer:

I've been out of the closet for a hot sec, but my love life? It's been a journey from "Single and ready to mingle" to "Single and... well, just single." Finally, after eons of awkward flirting and swiping left like it's my day job, I've stumbled upon someone who doesn't make me want to fake my own disappearance.

We've been hanging out for a few months, doing all the cute date-y things. We text more than teenagers and our dates? Straight out of a cheesy rom-com. It's great, but here's where it gets sitcom-level complicated. Neither of us has a clue about where this is going. We're like two awkward turtles, too scared to ask the big questions.

So, when do you pull the trigger and ask, "What are we, besides two disaster humans fumbling through dating?" How do you know it's the right time to have 'The Talk' without making it look like you're proposing or, worse, breaking up? 

I'm at the point where I'm wondering if I should just bring a contract to our next date: "Please sign here if we're officially a thing." Do I ask and potentially watch this cute mess implode? 

Or do I zip it and let us float in this weird limbo forever? Advice needed, because I’m about one awkward silence away from turning this into a full-blown comedy sketch.

Signed,

Confused

Dear Confused:

So, you're navigating the murky waters of modern gay dating, where "what are we?" is the new "do you have Wi-Fi?". First off, kudos to you for getting out there and finding someone who doesn't make you want to sprint in the opposite direction. That's like finding a needle in a haystack, but the haystack is also on fire.

Now, onto the big question: When do you have 'The Talk'? Here's the deal—there's no magical timeline. Relationships aren't like baking a cake; there's no set time when the ding goes off and you're suddenly ready to define things. 

It's more like a Choose Your Own Adventure book, but every page you turn could either lead to a romantic getaway or a pit of awkward turtles.

Communicating feelings can feel like doing a tightrope walk over a pit of social anxiety. My advice? Be brave. Sit down with your dating buddy and say, "Hey, we've been having a great time, and I'm about as clueless as a GPS with no signal. What are we doing here?"

It's like ripping off a Band-Aid, but instead of a Band-Aid, it's your vulnerability.

Remember, asking "what are we?" doesn't have to be a gay relationship death sentence. It's more like checking your relationship's pulse. Yes, it might lead to some 'oh no' moments, but it's better than playing emotional Jenga every time you're together.

While there’s nothing wrong with the direct approach you might try some indirect ones like:

1. **Actions Speak Louder Than Awkward Silences**: Turn on your inner detective and start noticing their actions. Do they remember your favorite snack and bring it to movie nights? Do they text you good morning like it's their job? These little things are like breadcrumbs leading to the gingerbread house of their feelings. It's less about what they say and more about what they do. If they're treating you like you're the last piece of pizza at a party, that's a good sign.

2. **Vulnerability Lite™**: Instead of dropping the "What are we?" bomb, try sharing smaller, more manageable feelings first. Think of it like dipping your toes in the emotional pool instead of doing a cannonball. Share something personal, like your fear of clowns or how you secretly love bad reality TV. It's like opening the door a crack to see if they open theirs too.

3. **Casual Check-ins**: Bring up your relationship status in a low-key way. Next time you're laughing over coffee, slip in a casual, "Hey, I've been having a great time with you lately. How are you feeling about us?" It's like asking for a side of relationship clarity with your latte.

4. **The Fun Forecast Method**: Talk about future plans casually. Mention a concert next month or a new restaurant you'd like to try together. Their reaction can give you clues. If they're excited and making plans, that's a green light. If they look like they'd rather discuss their dental history, well, that's information too.

5. **The Friends & Family Gauge**: If they're introducing you to their friends or family, that's Relationship Clue #1. If you're still a secret agent in their life, that might be telling.

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