Dear 100Footer:

I land a date with my longtime crush (I mean, we're talking serious heart-eyes emoji vibes). Everything's going peachy; I'm mentally prepping for some steamy, earth-shattering action.

Fast forward, and there I am, back at his place, ready to show off my legendary bedroom skills. But, plot twist – I totally bomb it. Like, 'crash and burn' doesn't even begin to cover it. He's a sweetheart about it, but inside, I'm dying a thousand deaths.

Now, he looks like he's up for another round (of dating, not the disaster), but I bolted faster than a cat in a cucumber patch. Here's the juicy dilemma: my ego's bruised, and I'm convinced I need to redeem my bedroom rep before we can even think about date number three.

Normally, I'm the Michael Phelps of the sex Olympics, but this? Yikes. I'm itching for a do-over, but what if I psych myself out again?

What's a gal to do? Slide into his DMs for a casual hookup to get it over with? Or brave another date, both of us haunted by the ghost of hookups past? I'm really into this guy and don't want to treat him like he's just a hurdle in my sexual Olympics. But, let's be real, that's exactly how I'm feeling. SOS, need advice!

Signed, Queen of the Bedroom (Except That One Time)

Dear Queen of The BR:

First off, let's acknowledge that even sex gurus have off days. Yes, even the gods of Mount Olympus sometimes slip on a banana peel. It happens!  Check out our Gay Dating Advice Guide and find out just how often.

Now, onto the juicy bits. You're thinking about turning this into the "Great Redemption Hookup." But let's pause and rewind. Great sex isn't just about the physical boogie-woogie; it's about connection, feeling comfortable, and being in the moment. If your mind's racing faster than a squirrel on an espresso shot, you're not going to enjoy it, and neither will he.

Instead of treating this like a sexpocalypse you need to recover from, why not see it as an opportunity for a do-over with a twist? Here's a wild idea: go on another date, but this time, keep it chill. Focus on building that connection outside the bedroom. Think of it like a rom-com montage where you're both laughing, having fun, and just enjoying each other's company. The more relaxed and connected you feel, the less pressure there will be when the clothes start coming off.

And hey, if the topic of that less-than-stellar performance comes up, laugh it off. Humor is like the Swiss Army knife of awkward situations. A little self-deprecating joke can go a long way. Remember, sex is supposed to be fun, not a test you have to ace.

Here's a thought that might just blow your mind: what if, and hold onto your hats here, you go on a date with the intention of not having sex? Yes, you heard that right. A date. No sex. Revolutionary, right?

Think about it. By taking sex off the table, it's like you're hitting the refresh button on your browser when it's stuck loading an old page. Suddenly, you're free to focus on what really matters: getting to know this guy who's been the star of your daydreams for so long.

This isn't just about playing hard to get or building tension (although, let's be real, that can be a fun side effect). It's about giving yourself the space to connect on a deeper level. Imagine a date where you're not constantly checking the clock, thinking about when to make your move, or worrying about whether you'll be up to par in the bedroom. Instead, you're laughing, sharing stories, and finding out what makes each other tick.

By removing the pressure of a sexual encore, you might just find that you're more relaxed, more genuine, and more present in the moment. And who knows? This kind of connection might just lead to the best kind of intimacy – the kind that isn't just physical, but emotional and mental too.

So, go ahead, be bold. Plan a date with zero expectations for the bedroom tango. It might just turn out to be the most liberating and exciting date you've ever had. And when the time is right, and you're both feeling that undeniable connection, who knows what fireworks might spark. After all, the best things often happen when we least expect them! 🎆💕🥂